To REALLY want a girl

[WalkingBlind]

I am considering having another DC but I obsessively want a girl Thing is there is no logical reason, I already have a DD and a DS

In fact DD was far "worse", much more difficult than DS. It's obviously unreasonable to expect any gender for sure and I would love any child but I think I would be disappointed I'm actually quite embarrassed about feeling this way because the past two times I haven't minded at all! I love both kids equally but find I have a stronger "protective" feeling towards DS like he's the only boy I could ever love.... Is that abnormal? (Prepares for harsh answers, ps I'm still hormonal from breast feeding which I didn't do with DD and I also had PND with DD)

I always find out the gender at like 16 weeks, do you think leaving it as a surprise til birth would make it easier or harder? Part of me thinks easier as once you see them you wouldn't care, part of me thinks harder because you've had no time to come to terms with it.

*kind

fanjoforthemammaries im with you on the whole "as long as its healthy" crap

Very normal feelings. I was desperate for a son, probably as I have poor experience of mother daughter relationships. Part of the reason my ds is an only is that I worry how I would feel about having a daughter.

No flaming please, I am only posting to support the OP. I know my feelings are irrational ( many feelings are).

Lndn Thank you for opening up to show your support

I think now I've realised that they may not be close it's shifted my perspective a bit. I'd love to see some examples of brother/sister bonds I'm one of 3 girls and my DM never wanted a boy, she was one of 3 girls also but her DM wished she was a boy (she was the last baby)

I think you're right in saying that it could take years to conceive so the age gap would mean they probably wouldn't have much in common, my age gap with my closest Dsis is only 2 years. Maybe I'm grieving for the fact that I didn't give my DD that? As I "couldn't concieve quick enough" (which was very difficult for me I felt like I was a failure)

Actually this thread has really helped, I still won't TTC until I'd be happy with either gender but it's definitely made me think more positively

Andnowit's that's fair enough. That is your personal family situation .

I personally would not go around SAYING "as long as it's healthy" about an as yet unborn child to anyone.

Mrsjay I made a comment then answered one person who discussed it. I think that's a fair enough tangent. And if you read then people did say as long as it's healthy at start of thread. Methinks I am allowed to comment, yes?

I don't really like being basically accused of goading for having my own personal feelings on a matter.

Anyway OP...I hope you can find some sort of peace and I hope your thread helps you.

Fwiw I didn't even say it was offensive. Just a bit insensitive. Then it gets blown up.

Fanjo I agree I wouldn't say as long as it's healthy. I would have as much joy in pregnancy and birth of a baby who was healthy or otherwise.
It's now I wish they weren't disabled for them not myself.

That's totally fair enough AndNow.

I would prefer if my DD could speak. :)

My original point was that people saying about an unborn child who may or not be in pain "as long as it's healthy" feels a bit insensitive to me. That's all.

I genuinely don't care whether my unborn child is a boy or girl. I genuinely wish for it not to have any disability that will impact on its own life and our family life as we currently experience it - I have another 5yo ds and of course I'd worry about the impact on him, and us, of having a disabled child. That's not to say we wouldn't cope, or that it would be loved less because it is 'imperfect' or we'd choose to abort or adopt it, but it is nonetheless a life changing consideration and of course I'd prefer not to be in that situation given a choice.

Feels insensitive probably because I am sensitive in behalf of my child in the world we live in. That's all.

Didn't deserve that harsh responses here..

So now I will be seen as poster girl for thinking people are cruel if they don't want their kids to be in pain. Great. I don't think that at all and people are misinterpreting my post.

Hope some people get it.

Off to do some shopping.

All the best OP

OP please don't worry about close bonds, it could turn out in so many ways! My mum had us 3 kids all 7 years apart, I'm very close to my brother who is 14 years older than me. My DP is closest to his older sister rather than brother a year older. I know sisters and brothers born close together who aren't close at all. From what I've seen it's more about their personalities and parents not having obvious favourites/scapegoats, rather than gender and age.

Oh no please don't think you are a failure about anything I have DDS who are close now but as kids they didn't have that much in common don't mourn a bond that isn't there brothers and siater s can get on well how is your DD with the baby ?

OP I know how you're feeling. I really want a girl and that feeling has grown a lot. My friend has 3 boys and has just had a girl, and one of my other friends has 2 boys and is pregnant with her third child, which I reckon will be a girl too. I wish I could have a girl too. Sometimes I want a girl so much it hurts.
I have 3 boys and I'd love to have one more child, just to have a chance at having a girl. But then again I don't want to risk there being something wrong with a 4th child. I have enough on my plate already. I love my boys so much and I wouldn't change them for the world, but I'd love to have a girl too.
If I don't have one then that's fine and the joy my boys bring outweighs my longing for a girl anyway.

My longing for a girl was always exacerbated by the fact that my ex has a girl already. I wanted one of my own and I never saw her as a substitute daughter or daughter I never had. It just wasn't the same. I don't care if that makes me selfish or horrible.

Oh fanjo nobody is going to think anything of the sort

fanjo I didn't mean to upset you and don't think I've been harsh. I suppose I too am sensitive at the moment because as a currently pregnant 'older mum' who has not yet had the results of a screening scan, I know there is a higher risk of certain anomalies and it's playing on my mind, that is all. It's a bridge I don't want to have to cross, but have nothing but admiration for those who have done so and stayed so strong. I worry hugely about how I'd respond in the same situation. I do get where you're coming from, we're just in different places.

No you weren't harsh littlelion.

I just felt some people came in a bit hard at me about making the comment which was really just about my own personal feelings about a phrase is all.

I wish you all the best, truly

(Some people didn't include you )

I just felt you jumped on a comment thats all of course i dont think you wish pain on babies but I do think it is said because they just want a baby to be ok

My post would cause pain if taken in totally the wrong way.

Like I don't struggle with my child's severe disabilities?

Not sure why you would even attribute that meaning to my comment tbh but I didn't mean that as I said.