WIBU to report this person to her bosses for what she said?

[WelshDragonMam]

There's a small, privately owned pub/restaurant in my town and I, my DM & her DP have known most of the family that own it for over 15 years, and my DH has known the family for about 10 years. One of the reasons why DH & I go there is that it's generally pretty family friendly and we know all the staff.

I haven't been there for a while because DD (3) has been in the difficult "not wanting to sit down anywhere" phase and combined with her appalling sleeping since birth means that I'm often exhausted if I take her anywhere on my own and I admit that this has meant that I'd let her have a little run around if there were no, or very few other customers around.

The other weekend, I had a chat with a close friend about another, unrelated, subject but concerning an argument about mutual friends/acquaintances that occurred at the same venue. Friend then turned around (because I was digging about "X" who was involved in the argument) and said "I didn't want to say anything, but X said that (Bar Manager) told her that you (me) can't control (DD) and you let her run riot". Friend defended the evening in question (a few months ago) to X that the Bar Manager told X about, because Friend had been playing peekaboo with DD and trying to help me out by keeping DD away from this really weird woman who started trying to make conversation and even PICKED HER UP IN FRONT OF ME(!!!) while I was exhausted after a week of being ill and was having a soft drink before I fell over.

WIBU to speak to the owners about the Bar Manager basically bitching about me to another customer that I barely know? Haven't told DH about this because he's already pissed off with the Bar Manager for fucking up a promo event for his work the other month by doing no prep work what-so-ever even though she'd been present at the meeting where it was arranged, so I'm trying to keep a neutral perspective to this, but she's really pissed me off.

(Thinking of saying something along the lines of "When (Bar Manager who is also not a parent) can control (DD) for 10 minutes while she has a drink after over 3 years of broken sleep, holding down a full time job, having to get the union involved due to bullying by managers, retraining for new job after 13 years in old job, as well as being on the waiting list for counselling at the MH clinic, then she can fucking well bitch about me behind my back discuss me & my parenting skills to random strangers.")

This amount of angst and drama over something so insignificant isn't normal.

Especially over something that happened in January!!!!

OP I think you know you are being unreasonable, sounds like you are having a pretty shit time and this has tipped you over the edge. Don't go digging about people who may or may not be slagging you off, it's not worth the headspace. Forget about what the bar manager did or did not say. Don't give yourself grief you don't need.

I'm a parent to a toddler they are hard work but I would never take any of my children to a pub unless for a meal. Pubs aren't apporiate places for young children. I would never consider it a place to go. Yabu to allow her to run around. A lot of parents are exhausted but that's not an excuse to no reign her in. The fact people commented she must of caused a distrubstance. Patrons don't want to visit their local with kids running around. This took place in January.... You been stewing over this until now?

That bar manager will be you one day, with a toddler and crippling tiredness. She'll learn ..

In the meantime, let it go.

'That bar manager will be you one day, with a toddler and crippling tiredness. She'll learn ..'

What a patronising comment. We have no idea what the bar manager's life is like and it's completely irrelevant.

It's not appropriate to let kids run about a pub unless there's an outdoor play area. A lot of people find it irritating - I do and I've had 3 toddlers, including 1 who has autism.

This was in January? FFS.

Mountain out of a molehill.
Too much drama, some people do live their lives like this no wonder it's exhausting.
Try to focus in calm, mindfulness etc rather than escalating and exaggerating everything. Don't sweat the small stuff!

Why are you so concerned about something that happened in January?!

I've just read the whole thread and this happened four months ago?!

WTF.

Is your life that boring OP?

I'm sure if you ask the bar manager to stop smiling at you and asking after your child, he will happily oblige and that will, in your head, release him from obligation not to talk about customers. I'm sure he really will not care two hoots. Control your daughter because a public building is not yours - or her - playpen and if she can't be controlled then don't take her where she may get hurt or annoy other people.

You're overreacting SO much. This allegedly happened in January and you're stewing over it now. You don't sound like an overtired mum, you sound like someone who loves drama and doesn't feel they get enough of it in their lives so they invent it to try and stir up a frisson of anything.

... and then they post it here.

YABU. Why take your dc to a pub? Totally inappropriate to let her run round and I know how hard it is to keep a small child sitting down, but therefore take her elsewhere. It's not fair on other customers who probably don't appreciate a little one running round, even if, as you say, there is hardly anyone there.

Reminds me of the bouncy dog thread, not everyone wants it running round.

I think you're making a bigger thing out of this than it needs to be. Just don't go back.

I get so irritated with parents like you. Because my kids - who have been told they can't run around in cafes, pubs and restaurants - watch yours doing it and question why they're not allowed to do the same. People carrying drinks are not looking down to see if a toddler just ran under their feet. If you want to avoid your child being hurt, stop her.

How many children do you have, OP?

You lost me at "who is also not a parent"...it's like their views are totally unfounded (despite your unsupervised 3 year old tearing round the pub).

Initially I thought this was a fake thread but a 3am update on an event from january is not a good sign. I agree about perhaps a visit to gp. Sleep depravation can cause a lot of mental health problems and paranoia. I hope you get a better nights sleep tonight.

Digging about to find out if someone might make trouble for you at some unspecified time in the future. Angsting over the random words of a bar person (who has every right to feel pissed off at kids in the bar, I know I don't like children in pubs or bars). Let it go. Get on with your life. Take your DC to child appropriate places, and then get her home before you are too exhausted to mind her properly. Just, you know, get on with it.

After reading your update OP you cannot and should not say anything to the bosses of the Pub about what the Bar Manager is alleged to have said.

Your friend did not hear or witness the conversation that apparently took place between BM and X so cannot attest to the veracity of it.

You did not hear or witness the conversation that apparently took place between BM and X so you cannot attest to the veracity of it.

If X is the kind of person you describe it is possible that the conversation never took place at all, or if it did X is deliberately re-telling it with a different spin to put BM in a bad light and stir up trouble.

Second/third/fourth hand re-telling of arguments and incidents cannot be relied on, things get changed, exaggerated, spun, etc.

Step away from all this drama and only speak to the bosses about matters that you have directly witnessed or been involved in as and when necessary.

You think a bar is the right place for a 3 year old to have a 'run round'?

I think the OP is overtired and needs a nap

You're on your news with exhaustion. Take your over reaction to this as a wake up call (ha!) to get some support and look after yourself.

Knees!! ffs

YABU.