WIBU to report this person to her bosses for what she said?

[WelshDragonMam]

There's a small, privately owned pub/restaurant in my town and I, my DM & her DP have known most of the family that own it for over 15 years, and my DH has known the family for about 10 years. One of the reasons why DH & I go there is that it's generally pretty family friendly and we know all the staff.

I haven't been there for a while because DD (3) has been in the difficult "not wanting to sit down anywhere" phase and combined with her appalling sleeping since birth means that I'm often exhausted if I take her anywhere on my own and I admit that this has meant that I'd let her have a little run around if there were no, or very few other customers around.

The other weekend, I had a chat with a close friend about another, unrelated, subject but concerning an argument about mutual friends/acquaintances that occurred at the same venue. Friend then turned around (because I was digging about "X" who was involved in the argument) and said "I didn't want to say anything, but X said that (Bar Manager) told her that you (me) can't control (DD) and you let her run riot". Friend defended the evening in question (a few months ago) to X that the Bar Manager told X about, because Friend had been playing peekaboo with DD and trying to help me out by keeping DD away from this really weird woman who started trying to make conversation and even PICKED HER UP IN FRONT OF ME(!!!) while I was exhausted after a week of being ill and was having a soft drink before I fell over.

WIBU to speak to the owners about the Bar Manager basically bitching about me to another customer that I barely know? Haven't told DH about this because he's already pissed off with the Bar Manager for fucking up a promo event for his work the other month by doing no prep work what-so-ever even though she'd been present at the meeting where it was arranged, so I'm trying to keep a neutral perspective to this, but she's really pissed me off.

(Thinking of saying something along the lines of "When (Bar Manager who is also not a parent) can control (DD) for 10 minutes while she has a drink after over 3 years of broken sleep, holding down a full time job, having to get the union involved due to bullying by managers, retraining for new job after 13 years in old job, as well as being on the waiting list for counselling at the MH clinic, then she can fucking well bitch about me behind my back discuss me & my parenting skills to random strangers.")

So you were digging about someone and talking about them behind their back and then got all offended that they had done the same? And this is a 'friend' that thought it was constructive to tell you this information?
Grow up.

Letting your child run around to the extent that customers customers and staff intervene is ridiculous.

A pub is not the place for a child to let off steam tbh.

You will look silly if you tell the owners that you head from someone who heard from someone that their bar manager said your dc was running wild and you're annoyed.

Sorry, I agree YABU but also kind of reasonable to recognise that it might not be OK and checking in here first!

Ultimately you can't complain based on hearsay. At any rate a bar manager does not care about any of your problems, she cares if there is a child running riot around a place she has to manage.

Let it go.

YABU - are you Vicki Pollard?

Speaking as an ex publican myself, I'd be calculating the profit on your britvic 55 or whatever, versus you & your running around dd having thoroughly irritated old Bob & his mate George who come in every day & have 3 pints together & the pensioners' special for lunch once a week, & who are now muttering about going to the King's Head up the road where kids aren't allowed...

...& I'd be politely suggesting you take dd somewhere else.

Honestly, take a step back - you'd be making a total tit of yourself over hearsay. It'll be the lack of sleep sending you daft .

Bar Manager was being very unprofessional, but it's also natural for people in the service industry to have a bit of a moan about customers. I agree to let it go and not worry about it.

I feel your pain re sleep deprivation and a tough time at work, here have some flowers

Hopefully the running about phase will end soon, and sleeping through will kick in!

How old are you? This is all very playground.

I think the friend who told you was trying to politely let you know that DDs behaviour is getting to people a bit. Not least because she's gone for a drink and ended up baby sitting.

Re: weird woman. Pubs are 'weird woman' (and man) territory. People are in drink in pubs, sometimes very much so. So they do tend to be weird. Just by the very nature of being an alcohol oriented place they tend to have more than the average quota of alcoholics, people with MH issues etc, etc. Which is one of very many reasons why pubs aren't a great place to use as a regular hangout with a 3 year old.

Another YABU from me, I'm afraid. In addition to all the good points others have made: I admit I got a bit lost in the he said/she said in the OP, but if your issue is with members of staff at the pub gossiping about you, do you really think spilling even more personal info is going to help?

There's no client confidentiality over what happens at the local pub! FFS, if you don't like it you should vote with your feet - find another local, or put up and shut up. Sounds like you are not in control of your daughter, and you are already trying to fault the pub for unrelated reason. The whole thing does not paint you in a good light, I'm afraid to say. YABU.

YABU - what part of what the Bar Manager said is not true? You have said yourself that you allow your child to run riot around the pub. I'm not surprise the Bar Manager is not impressed - I wouldn't be either as a customer. Nor is it the Bar Manager's responsibility to be able to control your child. If you can't, go to somewhere more child friendly or you know, shocking suggestion, parent your child.

Bar Manager was being very unprofessional

Bar managers are not professionals!

YABU. Stop gossiping/'digging around' and life goes a lot more smoothly.

It almost sounds like you think this is YOUR family pub.

The bar manager has a right to be annoyed by kids running about the place. Just because you have been going there for 15 years doesn't mean you can treat it like your home.

YABU for thinking about acting on hearsay.

If this is a genuine post YABU.

If this is a prank, then I found it amusing

Can I suggest that you are taking this personally because you are embarrassed....believe me I get it .... ds is 3.5 and honestly at the moment I'm massively struggling with his behaviour. ..since his baby brother arrived along with some serious health issues at the time his world has become chaotic

Plus at that age they are often a little tough to handle (yeah yeah no doubt someone will be along to sanctimommy that statement but let's be honest this stage is hard going )

So perhaps you did let her run around and have a tough day , and yeah to an outsider they probably did judge but really if you weren't bothered by it yourself then you wouldn't get hey up

You had a bad day , let dd be a bit rambunctious and someone judged you...not the end of the world you aren't a saint we have all been there and they aren't the devil

Breathe deep and get through the tough phases that's what I'm doing

Reverse? Are you the friend or the Bar Manager.
Reminds me of the hairdresser thread - maybe you could ask for CCTV footage of what was said?

You think you're a far more important customer at this venue than you actually are.

Doesn't matter which family members know which pub staff and for how long... They're running a business, if you want to let your child run around take them to the park or soft play.

When you go digging for gossip you surely can't be too surprised to find that you're a subject of gossip? It sounds like a bitchy gossipy sort of place, I'm not sure why you think you'd be exempt - and again we're back to you thinking you're a far more important customer than you actually are.

Sorry, but I think you are being unreasonable.

Family friendly pubs doesn't mean small children should be roaming about, no matter how tired/unwell you are feeling. It's annoying to others and it's dangerous. There are hot drinks and glass everywhere, and roaming toddlers are tripping hazards themselves. I've seen a child who got badly burned by hot tea coming down the side of his face/neck; he needed skin grafts. The Bar Manager knows they'd be feeling the wrath of parents should their little darlings get hurt, even if they shouldn't have been doing what they were doing.

I'm really sorry op but as I read that it lapsed into Vicky from Little Britain.

If this isn"t a spoof I think you need to give yourself a polite talking to.

It has made me giggle a bit though x

YABU because youve got no evidence its actually true. Its just a case of gossip. Its possible that the person telling you was just stirring trouble. I dont agree with other posters saying that if your child was running round that it was an acceptable thing for the bar manager to do though... the thing is that you dont actually know that that is what they really said and neither would anyone you reported it to. They would write you a polite reply probably but the end result would be that the bar manager would be more likely to talk about you.
It just sounds like you are quite stressed and letting gossip get to you. Id just let it go because its not worth it.

Was about 5.30pm and had just missed the last bus home after a very long, unavoidable day out (train back from the city & bus connections stop early in our town). Couldn't find a taxi to get home & was at the point of keeling over when I went into the pub to have something to drink & gather the strength to drag DD home (uphill). When I went in, the only other people in there were my friend and 2 other friends of hers (not X) who were about to leave. Most of the rest of the bar/restaurant was reserved for a party.

Just as I'd sat down with a drink for DD & I (away from Friend & her friends - got a carton of juice for DD in the hope she'd stay still), Weird Woman (WW) came in with a bloke & looked around for a spare table. There were a few others not marked as reserved, but WW came over & asked if she could share the table with DD & I who was skipping around the table (we were in the corner as well to try & restrict her). WW then started to ask me about DD - was getting strong weirdo vibes, but thought it was sleep-deprived paranoia, so tried to ignore it and just gave really non-committal answers (trying to politely say fuck off). WW then started to talk directly to DD, so DD went over to my Friend who had started noticing what was going on from her table (about 2 over from where I was sitting - Friend is like an honorary "Auntie" to DD).

DD started skipping back & forth between the 2 tables (remember - only customers in the place are DD & I, Friend & her 2 friends, and WW & her bloke who has stayed standing by the bar. 2 staff behind the bar inc. Bar Manager, and 2 in the kitchen). WW then stands up about 3ft away from me, trying to get DD's attention (good girl was ignoring her & was coming up to me) while she goes past a couple of times, then just knelt down & picked her up around the waist doing the whole "cootchy-coo" business with DD. Was completely stunned by this (almost thought I'd passed out & was dreaming - I really was that exhausted) & Friend came over and gently took DD away from WW. WW then slunk off to the bar to her bloke. Friend held onto DD next to me while I had the last couple of mouthfuls of my drink, then she & her friends accompanied us as we left because they were so concerned about WW's behaviour.

Sounds like everything in your life is a drama, OP!

What the bloody hell has that got to do with the complaint you want to make to the manager?

I'm so lost.