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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I helped a guy with a flat battery in the car park

109 replies

MrsSeanBean · 16/05/2016 18:42

Here's the scenario. I was leaving McDonald's (don't judge me for that!) with DS recently, when a man asked me if I can help him jump start his car as his battery is flat. I said I didn't have any leads ... he interjected that was no problem as he did have leads. So I opened the car bonnet, he connected his leads and started his engine. Problem solved, no more than a couple of minutes of my time lost...or so I thought.

On mentioning this to DH today he nearly spat out his dinner, and said what a fool I was, what a cheek the guy had, he must need a new battery, why was he driving around with a dodgy battery, he should have called his recovery company, and that he (DH) would never dream of asking anyone to help etc etc

I said 'but what if he (guy in car park) doesn't have enough money for a new battery right now, and likewise doesn't have a recovery company? And what had I to lose?

DH then proceeded to tell me that he could have wrecked the car and caused a lot of damage if he'd connected the leads wrongly.

It didn't occur to me that I did anything except the reasonable and helpful thing to do. But given DH's (to me, very odd) response I am now wondering if I am some kind of gullible freak.

Over to you, wise MNers...

OP posts:
londonrach · 16/05/2016 19:12

When we accidently left the lights on my car i wish someone had been as nice as you. We ended up waiting 4 hours for aa to come. I was pregnant too! Took the aa 2 seconds. Op you done a lovely good deed today!

oldjacksscrote · 16/05/2016 19:14

I wouldn't have done it because I'm paranoid after watching too much TV, I'd have convinced myself that he was a serial killer and the broken down car was a ruse. You're a nice person for helping out, don't doubt yourself.

Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 16/05/2016 19:16

Londonrach, poor you, that sounds awful. There was a whole family of children in the car with the guy, I felt so sorry for them being stranded. I always live by the principle 'do as you would have others do to you', and I would definitely have wanted someone to help me.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 16/05/2016 19:18

Old jack, lol! I did get a bit paranoid when the car made a funny squeaky noise the next day, but was too scared to ask if cars can catch viruses (viri??) like computers!

OP posts:
pippitysqueakity · 16/05/2016 19:18

I gave a homeless person my sandwiches once and my then DP went ballistic when I told him. I think with the benefit of hindsight it was pure jealousy/control. He did not like me having any interaction without him being there to oversee. Again in hindsight getting away from him has served me well.

ChocolateJam · 16/05/2016 19:18

I would have done this and so would my DH.

HarlettOScara · 16/05/2016 19:19

Your DH's reaction is bizarre.

People have helped me to jump start my car when needed and I've helped others do the same. In fact, last time I stopped to help someone, it was a young Eastern European couple who didn't speak enough English to explain what they needed. Through a series of gestures and mime, we worked it out and I actually gave them the jump leads to keep in case it happened again as it would make it easier to explain to another motorist what they needed.

MakingJudySmile · 16/05/2016 19:20

Your dh is totally demeaning (and wrong). So a person with a old car shouldn't be allowed to get their car jump started, nor could anyone possibly know how to correctly connect jump leads .

I've both jump started others, as well as being jump started many a time. I've also had to wait for hours and hours for roadside recovery as there was no one around to jump start me

Marilynsbigsister · 16/05/2016 19:24

I was in your 'stranded strangers' position last year. Got off the train at very rural station in the winter. So dark night, cold and rainy. Got to my car and battery flat as I had left the radio on. Angry. Asked 3 people, 2 refused, (both men - 'it might damage my precious car' - 1 claimed not to know how to jump start and wouldn't accept that I did. What a tosser didn't even have the guts to say , I don't want to.) The last person left before I was doomed for a long wait for the AA, in the freezing cold, was a lady in her seventies with a very smart BMW. She didn't hesitate. Offered her jump leads (which she apparently always carried) despite having a Brand new BMW.. She connected her end as I did mine. I was up and running in under 30 seconds.

Her father, like mine. had taught her that no one had any business driving a car unless they could change a tyre and bump/jump start.

It does absolutely no damage if done correctly. Like all things with cars. Just because you are female, it does not mean you can't manage these two very simple tasks. It is a fantastic thing to be able to do for a fellow motorist.

Your husbands a dick. Mine would be horrified if I hadn't offered in your position.

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 16/05/2016 19:26

Your husband seems completely clueless. There are a million and one reasons why a battery would be flat but not knackered. (Infrequent use, lights left on) and a child of six would be able to connect it safely (Connect red terminal to red terminal using the red lead and black terminal to black terminal using the black lead) there is no reason to call a recovery company if someone is able and willing to help.

That said, there's a lot of it about. It once took me about an hour to find someone to jump start my car, I'd not driven it for a month and it took an hour of wandering up and down the street, jump leads slung over my shoulder and several 'nos' before I got someone to give a jumpstart. Honestly you'd think I was asking for a kidney, not a simple favour.

limitedperiodonly · 16/05/2016 19:31

You did exactly the right thing OP. I wonder how your DH would have felt if someone had refused to help you? Forget that, he'd have probably blamed you for letting your battery go flat and putting yourself at the mercy of a maniac. I know that because I know someone exactly like him. It's a mixture of paranoia, delusions of grandeur, contempt for the rest of us bumbling fools...

limitedperiodonly · 16/05/2016 19:36

2 refused, (both men - 'it might damage my precious car'

Reading this has reminded me of another person I know. He'd have said that and then driven home and boasted about it. He's married to the first person I mentioned...

GDarling · 16/05/2016 19:36

I remember when I had my first car, an old Beetle, dark green, 2nd time around the clock, I couldn't start it so a man in the car park offered to help, so very valiantly he connected the leads, started his car up, then I started my car, there was this almighty bang with plumes of smoke belching out of his car, another man came running over and pointed out the a Citroen has a alternater and my car had a dynamo, I felt awful, he very kindly said don't worry. We called the AA!!
So lesson learnt.
When I have needed a 'start', I call a taxi firm, they don't usually mind.

GDarling · 16/05/2016 19:38

By the way..... Isn't that the way Hannibal Lecter captured his victims, by asking them for help!!!
Don't do it.....

marriednotdead · 16/05/2016 19:39

Your husband's attitude stinks, I'd lay bets that he'd expect someone to give him a jump start if it was his flat battery.

I also have always lived by 'treat people the way you would like to be treated' but I know my controlling exh would have reacted as yours did. One of the many reasons he is my ex!

Thebewilderbeest · 16/05/2016 19:44

I think your DP really overreacted. Someone asked for help and you gave it, I'd have done the same (although I have to admit it takes me a few seconds to remember where to find the lever the opens the bonnet as I so rarely use it Blush)

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 16/05/2016 19:45

I have both given and received jump starts. Never a problem.

That sounds rude Grin

Your DH is BU.

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 16/05/2016 19:48

Citroen has a alternater and my car had a dynamo

True, but cars haven't been fitted with dynamos for many, many years now.

austenozzy · 16/05/2016 19:54

Actually Dylan, the clamp at the dead battery end of the black lead should be earthed to the bodywork away from the battery. Might be why some cars get damaged by dodgy jump starting!

austenozzy · 16/05/2016 19:55

And yes, dh being a drama queen. I'd have helped too.

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 16/05/2016 20:03

Your DH is right.
I would have refused.
He should have called his recovery company.

WoTmania · 16/05/2016 20:04

YWNBU - perfectly normal thing to do. I've had to ask strangers to help me jump start my car and on a quite a few occasions bump start an old car.

DuckAndPancakes · 16/05/2016 20:05

DH is being a prick.

My old car had various problems and I couldn't afford a new one, battery would quite often go flat on me. I always had leads with me and I'm more knowledgable wrt cars than most men are. There were several times where I ended up in tears with my child in the car, unable to get home and having to wait an hour+ for my partner/dad/brother to be able to come and meet me because SO many people refused to help. You did a nice and decent thing, don't let him make you feel bad for it.

eddielizzard · 16/05/2016 20:05

i've given jump starts and been given them. my dd went through a phase of turning the passenger lights on and they'd wear the battery down. it was a fairly new car.

you were right to help out someone in need. you are a kind person and we need more of you in the world.

GarlicShake · 16/05/2016 20:07

yes he's often a dick. I accepted it long ago. But that (and why on earth I am with him still ) is a whole other thread!

After seeing your other comment about 'driving past' your workplace, I'm thinking it might be time to start that thread! Or maybe he's just ... eccentric.

Anyway. You're right, he's wrong, and you sound lovely as well as pragmatic :)