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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Splitting the cost of a holiday cottage with family and friends - AIBU?

85 replies

ThursdayAlready2 · 16/05/2016 11:21

DH and I are hoping to go away with friends/relatives this Christmas, and rent a cottage somewhere nice. The cottage will need five bedrooms, and we’ve found quite a few places that have potential. But we’ve hit a stumbling block with costs ……..

Let’s say the total cost is £1000 for five nights, and there are five couples, each couple occupying one bedroom. These aren’t the actual figures, but they do illustrate my point. I’d assumed we’d split £1000 equally between us, so £200 per couple. Simple? No …….

One couple said they may only stay four nights, so could they pro-rata their £200 payment to reflect less nights. Then another couple asked if they could do the same, and then my brother announced he may not be bringing his girlfriend, so could he only pay £100 rather than £200 as there’s now one person in his room and not two!!!

My question to all of them, was: “if you pay a reduced contribution, are you expecting everyone else to pay extra to cover this”? Silence all round.

When I eventually got hold of my brother, he seemed to think that as DH and I would be making the booking, that we would somehow be acting as hoteliers and stumping up the whole cost, and then sort of selling each room to the wider group on an “only pay for what you use” basis. Which isn’t how I’d envisaged it at all. I thought it was an “we’re all in this together” arrangement, where all the costs were split equally five ways, and if you only want to use your room for 4 nights, then that’s your prerogative but don’t expect the rest of the group to subsidise you.

DH and I quickly realised this has got disaster written all over it, and are now seriously considering making other plans, but as the initial invitation had been “shall we rent a cottage and split the costs between us” – AIBU to think everyone else is being unreasonable ??????

OP posts:
diddl · 16/05/2016 12:01

The only way it might be unfair is if there's a great disparity in the rooms.

"he seemed to think that as DH and I would be making the booking, that we would somehow be acting as hoteliers and stumping up the whole cost, and then sort of selling each room to the wider group on an “only pay for what you use” basis."-hahahahaha!

Kudos for trying!

Yup, just forget it!

Obeliskherder · 16/05/2016 12:04

Good call OP. It's a shame but you're right.

Ginkypig · 16/05/2016 12:13

I think your right to bow out.

When Iv gone away its split between all the people including food and fuel.

I don't see what the prob is its a cheap holiday for everyone!

Boomingmarvellous · 16/05/2016 12:19

Go away on your own. And learn the lesson not to expect people to be reasonable. And. The more people involved the more problems

Marynary · 16/05/2016 12:22

It sounds like a nightmare to organise. Will holiday cottages even be available for 4 or five nights though? I thought that they were usually let out for the week. Anyway, I would try booking for four nights for the couple.
Your brother is taking the piss as even hotels don't charge half price for single rooms vs. double. You could perhaps offer a reduced rate (not half price) if he agrees to sleep in the smallest room though.
Don't book anything until (and if) everyone has coughed up their share.

ThursdayAlready2 · 16/05/2016 12:24

Sadly quite a few of our relatives are real freeloaders. And they think DH and I are loaded, which is not true.

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 16/05/2016 12:27

Good move on pulling out.

If you think it's bad now- The fun really starts when they realise the 5 bedrooms aren't the same size and they then don't want to contribute equally for the box room! Grin

NotCitrus · 16/05/2016 12:36

Sounds like a nightmare, and I speak as someone who has organised loads of group holidays (26 people overseas...)

The only way is to say "I'm looking at houses in this region for these dates. How much are you willing to pay?" Get commitments to the money first, then find somewhere that suits or discuss compromises.

WreckingBallsInsideMyHead · 16/05/2016 12:41

Yadnbu

Get out now! Those people would no doubt argue the cost of food, transport, booze, entertainment, presents and everything else! Go somewhere with just your dp for a stress free christnas

Squashybanana · 16/05/2016 12:42

I come from the other side of this where we have 4 kids. (Obviously, our choice). However I get a bit peeved when we occasionally go on shared breaks where we are expected to pay for 6 people and then get squashed in a family room with no privacy, our bed and bunk beds and often a matress on the floor, and we have paid 3 times as much for that as for the childless couple who have the 'master' ensuite double. We now insist on paying by room as if we are going to have to pay 3 times the price of a couple we want 3 rooms to go with it!

ImperialBlether · 16/05/2016 12:45

Why are you even thinking of going away with people who are freeloaders who think you're wealthy?

MillionToOneChances · 16/05/2016 12:45

I would say that it's not fair to split the the accommodation pro-rata (the empty room/half of bed doesn't benefit anyone else) but you're happy to pro-rata the food (with Christmas Day at double cost).

If paying a fixed cost per bedroom for accommodation and per person for food doesn't suit everyone, accommodation cost paid up front, then it's too complicated and the idea will have to be dropped.

Marynary · 16/05/2016 12:45

When I eventually got hold of my brother, he seemed to think that as DH and I would be making the booking, that we would somehow be acting as hoteliers and stumping up the whole cost, and then sort of selling each room to the wider group on an “only pay for what you use” basis.

Presumably he would be happy for you to make a profit then as hotels do or are you only the "hotelier" if it means that you will make a loss?

Whisky2014 · 16/05/2016 12:47

YANBU!
Yeah £200 either you come or don't.
Never pay before you get the money

Anyhoo I see you are pulling out which is prob best. I agree there doesn't seem to be much goodwill, you'd end up spending more for nice food which they'd begrudge contributing to.

cozietoesie · 16/05/2016 12:50

I'm glad you pulled out - the whole notion was doomed. (And your chances of getting anything from your DB - and the others, without difficulty - seem limited in the extreme.)

WobbleYourHead · 16/05/2016 12:51

Surely if you were 'acting as hoteliers' you need to make money....

That'll be £250 per room please! Grin

Kr1stina · 16/05/2016 12:53

Defo forget it

I'd had bad experiences of this before . Once I went on a girls long weekend away, a large group of us to a country house .

The deal we agree was ( not real figures ) £150 accommodation and £50 food and alcohol for all ten of us . So £200 each . We all paid £50 deposit and the organiser booked it .

Then Jane * pulled out and organiser gave her £50 deposit back , pointing out that it was only a fiver each . Who would argue over £5?

Then Emma* pulled out , and the organiser felt it was only fair to do the same for her . Organiser tried to get someone to fill the empty spaces, but without success. The 8 that were left spotted that this wasn't just " Another fiver " , but no one liked to say anything .

At this point people were getting annoyed. No one wanted to upset the kind person who was organising it. Those who complained were made to feel bad - " poor Emma , it's not her fault that her work have cut her overtime " etc .

We agree that no one else would get a refund.

Then the day that we arrived at the venue , we got a phone call to say that Lucy wasn't coming because her husband had been taken ill. How awful, we were all so worried about her .

No one wanted to be the person who asked " what about the money ? "

Organiser felt strongly that we couldn't possibly charge poor Lucy under the circumstances . After all, we hadn't charged jane and Emma, who essentially had just changed their minds . It wasn't Lucy fault .

We had already bought the food of course, so Lucy's share of the accommodation AND the food was split between us all .

So the weekend that was supposed to cost £200 each cost £270 .

Two people out of the remaining seven said point blank that they couldn't afford an extra £70 and refused to pay. Organiser was very upset and said she would pay " their " share .

Other got annoyed because they felt it was unfair for organiser to pay that £140 herself ( on top of £270 ) and suggested that we split it 5 ways . Making it nearly £300 for the £200 weekend .

You won't be suprised to know that we never did anything like that again . And some friendships never really recovered .

*names and details changed to protect the guilty

cozietoesie · 16/05/2016 12:54

PS - why not go away by yourselves though? (To a smaller place.) Holiday cottages can be very enjoyable as long as you don't have potential financial and family disasters associated with them

Smile
Kr1stina · 16/05/2016 12:59

So for anyone who is thinking of doing it, this would be my advice

  1. Agree all costs and get all money upfront before you pay anything.
  1. Spell out that everyone needs to take out their own travel insurance for the holiday . So if anyone is taken ill or has to leave early or cancel for any reason , they can claim their insurance .
PerspicaciaTick · 16/05/2016 13:01

The cost of the accommodation is fixed. It is going to cost £1000 whether it is fully occupied for the whole time or whether none of you turn up.

The fact that someone leaves a day early or only uses half the double bed, doesn't mean that the overall costs of the accommodation will be reduced.

The only fair way is to split the costs, although if your DBro is now able to use a tiny room which couldn't be used by a couple then there is an argument for him contributing less.

Your friends and family sound either thick or entitled or possibly both.

Whisky2014 · 16/05/2016 13:02

kr1stina why did the organiser give back the deposits?! that's the whole point of deposits!!!

OMG that would have done my head in!

BillSykesDog · 16/05/2016 13:03

I would say pull out. But I can see both sides.

I can see that people only staying 4 nights (which would be almost half the group) would be unhappy that they were effectively subsidising the other couples to have a longer holiday.

Plus, sorry, it is really unfair to expect a single person to pay the same as a couple. That's just not on, it is asking him to subsidise a discount for the rest of the party.

Personally, if it was me, I would say that for the nights five rooms are occupied, it should be paid per person and not per room. And the nights that only 3 rooms are occupied, the full cost of those nights is split per person actually staying.

But in the circumstances I think you're right to pull out.

Are there any additional children going out of interest?

cozietoesie · 16/05/2016 13:08

To be honest, you would have enough to adapt to with all of those people living close together in a place where there was no immediate comeback for insensitive behaviour. The thought of bunking with an 'I demand a lower rate because X ate one of my special toffees' really wouldn't appeal to me.

RedToothBrush · 16/05/2016 13:16

The cost of the cottage is £1000 for 5 days. That's not negotiable.

A room is therefore £200.

What you choose to do in that time and with whom, is the problem of the person choosing to do that.

Get money upfront.

If people don't want to do that, then they don't have to come. Find another cottage with less rooms

If YOU are the one paying the actual cottage owners YOU dictate the terms for the hassle of doing so.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 16/05/2016 13:56

Of course if there's a master bedroom en suite that's 4 times the size of the smallest "double" room it is fairer to at least consider a less than equitable split. Grin
It's a minefield.

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