To be annoyed that DH always makes me out to be some sort of domestic failure because I'm female?

[FakeOrchids]

DH works full time. I work pretty much full time via a combination of working in a part time job and running my own online business. 2 kids, age 7 and 9.

To cut a long story short, I do practically everything in the house: all of the housework, laundry, food shopping, cooking, childcare, organising, etc, with DH maybe unloading the dishwasher very occasionally or putting the occasional load of washing in the machine. He refuses to do more as he 'works'.

I am getting fucking sick of him insinuating all the time through jibes, sarcastic jokes and moaning comments that I am some sort of domestic failure as things aren't done to his standards. To be fair, most mess is mess that he has made!

There is always this underlying eye rolling smirking attitude of "We all know how useless you are in the house". Sometimes he moans at the children that "Mummy hasn't done her job properly". Yesterday he moaned because the fridge hadn't been tidied and wiped out in a few weeks. He also always gets onto me saying lots of women have much higher standards than me, and manage to bake, make things etc. I just don't have the time to a)make the house a showhome and b)bake!

AIBU to be fucked off? We had an argument yesterday after the fridge incident and I told him that since he does fuck all in the house he doesn't get an opinion on the cleanliness/tidiness of the house. Now he's in a bad mood with me and apparently I have an attitude problem!!

because I'm not a wankbadger.

I wish "wankbadger" t-shirts existed! They could go in the same clothing range as the "cocklodger" sweatshirt.

'I always question the morals of people who say that sort of thing'

You question the morals of someone saying 'unless you stop putting up with it nothing will change'? I'm afraid that's just a fact.

Joining the chorus of posters saying he's a twat. If he wants to bring up standards, you could mention he's falling well fucking below the standard expected of a husband and a responsible, fair-minded adult. Perhaps a gentle reminder that he should be lucky your standards "aren't higher". If they were, obviously you would never have married him. Stop doing his share.

I am so, so sorry you are going through this. He sounds absolutely sexist and awful. I can only echo what wise previous posters have said, which is that you really shouldn't even be having to ask whether your viewpoint is unreasonable, because it's so obvious that he's being an arse.

If you can't leave him for yourself, then think about the example he's setting your kids: that gendered division of labour is normal, that housework is for women, that it's OK to talk down to your wife in front of children? It's a terrible example that he is setting for young, impressionable girls and boys.

You sound pretty awesome, with your own business, and a part-time job, and a pretty full-on stint as a mum. That's a lot for anyone to handle - sod baking and cleaning!

Are you taking all this in OP?

My exH was a walker too.

My brother in law (his own DB!) once said to me after I complained about his brother criticising some decorating I had done. 'Tell him if he doesn't like it to do it himself'.

From then on in every time exH criticised I said this and it totally shut him up.

Still divorced him!

wanker !!! Bloody autocorrect!

What makes you happy about this relationship if anything? I get household work is boring but is an important part of living with another adult as equals in a relationship.

Fucking hell, I appear to have woken up in the 1950s!!

OP I am a SAHM. DP works full time.
I do most of the housework, because I am here, but we have slightly different standards of cleanliness.
I think spending time playing with DS is more important than housework, so frequently DP will get home, and the hoovering isn't done, or there's lego all over the floor.
Do you know what he does?
He comes in, gets the hoover out, and without saying anything except "is there anything else you want me to do?" he cracks on and does it

If he even so much as did passive aggressive sighing, never mind have a go at me for things not being done, I would tear him a new one.

We are a partnership, I am not his housekeeper, just because I am at home with DS does not mean I have to spend all day cleaning.

If I worked the housework would be split equally, no arguements.

He sounds like a total, absolute sexist wank badger, sorry op.

Does he have any redeeming qualities, anything at all?

The fridge hadn't been tidied and wiped out in a few weeks....

Um... if that is the new standard of housework then I'm surprised my household isn't dead of the plague.

YANBU in the slightest.

If my DH had said that to me after I had been at work and looked after DD all day (and I only work PT) he and his posterior would be having a short sharp meeting with the broom handle. What a twatty thing to do. He is not your boss - housework is not your job.

Let me guess, you also have separate finances and you live off the money that you earn? and probably spend most of it on the kids and groceries because he pays the mortgage

Your attitude problem? You are an idiot if you stay with this man and teach your children that this is a good marriage and how women should be treated. He is a cock of the highest order.

Fuck me, what a knob!

Why are you doing all the housework when you both work? That is deeply unfair and needs to change pronto.

Tell him that when he's single again, he's going to be working full time and have his own home to look after. Until he can find another slave. Meanwhile you'll be happy and have less work to do, without his mess to clear up.

Oh, please someone tell me what a wankbadger is ?

This chap is a good example of a wankbadger.....

He needs his attitude checking.

BillyGoatGruff007
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wankbadger

"Of course I have low standards darling. After all, I married you, didn't I?"

He's a twat. Sorry.

Crikey, what an absolute knob!

If he's expecting you to clear up all his crap, you could always employ my tried and tested method. Anything lying around for me to tidy does get put away....straight into the bin. He'll soon catch on!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams
Ah, thank you - gawd, I've led a sheltered life.

Please tell me that when he says 'But I work' you've said 'So do I!' If not, that is point one for next time, followed by 'so stop being a lazy git and pull your weight'.

Wow. Bet he likes the extra income that your jobs bring in. Bet he doesn't say no to that.

Next time he makes one of his lovely comments, I'd stop whatever you were doing and say "H can we have a word in private for a minute".

Then, away from the DCs tell him very directly that as you both work more of less equal hours, and presumably you spend more time than him supporting the DCs with their school homework etc. then you should be splitting the tasks equally and you do not appreciate him calling all the housework your responsibility.

Call him out on it every time he does it, but in private. He's using the DCs as a shield to insult you. Don't stoop to his level and do it back in return.

If after a few occurrences this is still happening then I'd give him the ultimatum of counselling or separation. Let's see how tidy his fridge is when he has to do everything else himself.

Buy a votes for women banner and wear it in the house.
Chuck his mess in a bin bag and leave it by the bin outside. Whatever it is.
Tell him he's being a twat and slagging you off to your kids makes him a grade a wanker as well.

Typical twatty response, he's not talking to you because you're the problem. This twat aint even original.

If you have a spare room, make it his and dump his shit in there.