To be annoyed that DH always makes me out to be some sort of domestic failure because I'm female?

[FakeOrchids]

DH works full time. I work pretty much full time via a combination of working in a part time job and running my own online business. 2 kids, age 7 and 9.

To cut a long story short, I do practically everything in the house: all of the housework, laundry, food shopping, cooking, childcare, organising, etc, with DH maybe unloading the dishwasher very occasionally or putting the occasional load of washing in the machine. He refuses to do more as he 'works'.

I am getting fucking sick of him insinuating all the time through jibes, sarcastic jokes and moaning comments that I am some sort of domestic failure as things aren't done to his standards. To be fair, most mess is mess that he has made!

There is always this underlying eye rolling smirking attitude of "We all know how useless you are in the house". Sometimes he moans at the children that "Mummy hasn't done her job properly". Yesterday he moaned because the fridge hadn't been tidied and wiped out in a few weeks. He also always gets onto me saying lots of women have much higher standards than me, and manage to bake, make things etc. I just don't have the time to a)make the house a showhome and b)bake!

AIBU to be fucked off? We had an argument yesterday after the fridge incident and I told him that since he does fuck all in the house he doesn't get an opinion on the cleanliness/tidiness of the house. Now he's in a bad mood with me and apparently I have an attitude problem!!

My advice....get rid!

How have you not punched him yet? Reading your post has given me the absolute rage!

Just do the minimum for you and the kids. Leave his shit for him to sort. See how he likes it then.

Seething on your behalf.

Quick retort: "Good point, the cloth is over there (substitute with hoover, duster etc. as applicable) do you need me to show you how to do it the first time then you'll be ok in future. So much better to have two sets of hands as well as two sets of eyes between us isn't it!"

YANBU, he sounds like a dick! He's able to use his hands, so he can help with the chores and clean the fridge himself!
In our household, I work full time and DH is the SAH parent. We share all the chores. During the week he tidies up regularly, and keeps up with the laundry, but I also cook, and on saturdays we do a proper cleaning session.
It's 2016, not the 1950s... Using the "I work" excuse is ridiculous. You also work, so why should you do everything? You're not his slave. I'd definitely go on strike.

There must have been big fat hints of his sexist fuckwittery before you married.

Don't know whether to be angry sad or just totally despondent about your post. Its obviously unacceptable but in a way you have accepted this as 'your job' by doing it all. You need to rewind completely and look at a proper division of labour. If it's been like this for a long time though it's probably become very engrsined somid recommend couples counselling to help you unpack the attitudes beneath the behaviours.

The snidey comments in front of your kids are a separate issue. Completely unacceptable to treat you with such contempt and drag them into it like that. Please ignore suggestions to respond in kind.

Can't believe that here we are, 2016, and nothing seems to have changed in the last fifty years since my mum told me about her best friend's controlling, mentally abusive, complete arse of a husband. And that's putting it politely.
Where, oh where, do these bastard men get off ?

Yesterday he moaned because the fridge hadn't been tidied and wiped out in a few weeks

Pass him the cloth - oh just saw someone else already suggested that! Sexist pig. He needs to realise what year it is.

I'd also be asking him why the possession of a penis exempts him from housework.

Grr for you OP!

Your jobs are the ones you get paid to do - anything else is running the home that the whole family live in.
Therefore, everybody pulls their weight. I honestly don't understand why he is still making remarks like this, I would have cut him down the first time.
Is there a part of you that does see it as your role?

Ugh sexist arrogant twunt.

What a turn off

Like hell would I do anything for a wanker like that.

Tell him to fuck right off. If he doesn't like how you do things, he's quite welcome to do them himself.

Absolutely no way would I stick around in a relationship like that.

First time I've said it on MN but seriously...

LTB!

Fuck that .

You're his wife , not some sort of substandard probationary employee . Pass him the cloth ? I'd be handing him the contents of the fridge . Unwrapped , one by one , and at speed . Prick .

He sounds vile. I have a feeling convincing him that both partners need to look after the house will be an uphill struggle.

Or perhaps of you were really bitchy you could tell the children in front of him that Daddy isn't doing his job properly because he doesn't earn enough money to pay for a cleaner to pick up the mess he leaves everywhere.

Snurk

Yesterday he moaned because the fridge hadn't been tidied and wiped out in a few weeks.

He what?

I cannot remember that anyone ever tidied and wiped the fridge in my parents' household unless it needed de-frosting or was really dirty for some reason.
And that's with my mother's relatively high standards for tidyness.

I would never wipe the fridge unless it needed cleaning, or as part of de-frosting. Certainly not every few weeks.

He has unreasonably high demands here, and the thing you do if you want a really tidy home is either do it yourself or hire a cleaner.

Sorry to say, but you have an asshole there. I don't think he can be improved much, to be honest. I'd divorce him.
With your full-time job, you should be able to do that without problems, financially, right?

Why do you let him do this?

Yes, he is a sexist git, but your actions for years have supported his beliefs.

Unless you change your actions in order to challenge his attitude nothing will change.

Oh and I wouldn't even bother stopping to his level to make passive aggressive comments back in front of DC, I'm sure they'll work out soon enough that their darling daddy is a massive asshole.

Not sure why this has given me such rage, think it's the combination of blatant sexist bullshit and the hint of emotional abuse given that he does it in front of the kids knowing you won't argue back. Twat.

Oh and don't ask him to do something.

Tell him X is his responsibility.

If he refuses ask if its beneath him or if he has some particular reason other than work why he is incapable of doing it, as you also work and that is not a good enough reason.

Please tell me this is a joke

why do you do everything anyway? Grow a backbone.

Oh my goodness.

How can you possibly, possibly think you might be being unreasonable???

Why do you let him do this? Yes, he is a sexist git, but your actions for years have supported his beliefs. Unless you change your actions in order to challenge his attitude nothing will change.

I wouldn't make dh do all the tidying, If "he let me get away with it" because I'm not a wankbadger.

I always question the morals of people who say that sort of thing. Like they'd be assholes if only they were allowed. Same with Christians who think you must be dodgy because you're not scared of hell.

He sounds charming

Why have you, for so long, done it all and let him do fuck all?

What would happen if you sought to change the status quo so that he does a fair share?