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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU: to think I can do this myself?

59 replies

garlicbreathing · 16/05/2016 07:59

I'd posted earlier in the month about my husband leaving me.
I am 25, work full time in a job I love, I take home £1200 a month.
I'm trying to sort out a long term plan, which is currently looking at my husband buying me out of our flat and I would then use this as a deposit on a new place.

AIBU to think I can do this myself? My family are keen for me to move back in with them (long term) and my husband has passed comment about me doing that too.

My only concern is financial. We have decided a figure of £10,000 which would buy me out the flat, and I have insisted he pays for the fees the divorce and solicitors would incur.

I have been looking at flats in an area which I would be looking to live in, some are quite cheap at about £60,000, but I will look at up to £80,000 (online mortgage calculator has said at my top range I could get a mortgage for 80k) so with a deposit, that gives me a bit of financial leeway. The only thing which concerns me is my only debt of a super high car payment (which I took out in the belief I was secure in my marriage and we were planning a family). I am planning to hand this back to the finance company after Christmas as I will be half way through my repayments then.

I am trying to be as prepared as possible before going full steam ahead with this and making appointment with mortgage advisers and viewing flats, but am I setting myself up for a fail?

OP posts:
Feilin · 16/05/2016 08:02

No reason why you couldn't do this. If I were you I'd go for it!

Junosmum · 16/05/2016 08:02

Yes, you can do this.

I would advise renting in the area first, so you know that you like it and that you are ok living alone (it can be quite strange).

Original poster
garlicbreathing · 16/05/2016 08:05

I'm from an area nearby, so I know the area pretty well.
I have a dog to think about, and rentals in the area are pretty shocking (the ones that take pets anyway), and would be at least £200 a month more than a mortgage would be!

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 16/05/2016 08:05

You are unlikely to pass the affordability test for a mortgage with the car payment so get that sorted and you should be fine.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 16/05/2016 08:06

Sounds fine to me.

Check the car agreement carefully though. Since we upgraded to a more expensive car from a dealer, the rights to hand it back are much worse - it means we would have paid a lot for nothing. That might be fine but do work it out! It also says we have to have paid 50% of the value, I think, rather than 50% of the payments, so the date we could give it back is much closer to the end of the contract.

Make sure the £10k is fair too, you only get one shot at this and he seems keen to be rid of you.

It's good to hear that you're holding up okay.

Original poster
garlicbreathing · 16/05/2016 19:34

Ah so it seems the car situation isn't as easily sorted as first thought.
Firstly, I can't trade down, as it would be adding too much negative equity to make any sense. Then, whilst finding this out, I learned that when I bought the car, it was sold to me through a personal loan and not through finance. So it looks like I'll be stuck with it. I should still manage okay, but I hope it doesn't affect my chances of getting a mortgage.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 16/05/2016 20:49

I don't want to be the bringer of doom but it will. Lenders are big on affordability checks these days and will take all financial obligations into consideration. Go along to one for a chat and see where you are.

Original poster
garlicbreathing · 16/05/2016 20:53

Ah bugger.

OP posts:
8FencingWire · 16/05/2016 20:55

Buy him out, not the other way around, can you do that?
The car finance will impact on the mortgage applicationv

FrogFairy · 16/05/2016 20:57

Is there any chance your parents could pay off the loan early and you carry on making the same amount of repayments directly to them?

sepa · 16/05/2016 21:00

Is £10k a fair buy out for the flat? I have you discussed what payments you will be getting from your ex towards the baby?
How long have you got left paying off the car?

If you get along with your parents then my suggestion would be maybe to move in with them And then buy somewhere.
You can do this by yourself if you want to but if you have family around to help then I til you should consider taking the help!

Congratulations with the pregnancy and good luck whichever way you decide to go

Original poster
garlicbreathing · 16/05/2016 21:01

I don't have the money to buy him out, and it's in an area close to his family and work. I'd much rather move to a cheaper area, to be nearer my work and family and friends. I'd maybe need to look at allocating some of the money he buys me out with toward paying off the car. Just means I wouldn't have enough for a deposit.

OP posts:
ChocolateChangesEverything · 16/05/2016 21:03

Glad to hear you are coping well garlic and being as sensible and clear headed as you were before. Hope life is bearable co-habiting.

Can you just sell the car and pay off the personal loan? Can you get it valued to see where you stand with that?

Then maybe buying him out is a consideration as I seem to remember you loving the flat.

Absolutely you can do this!! Buying your own place is such a rewarding thing to do and makes sense when rent is more than mortgage payments anyway.

I would always advise stretching to a 2 bed if at all possible so you have the option to rent a room out should you need to - I did that in my first place and I had an ace lodger (after holding hilarious 'auditions' with my friends) and it gave me a financial back up plan if ever I needed it.

I do think you need to get rid of the car one way or another though. Worst case scenario ExH take it on? He uses it anyway doesn't he?

Good luck with it all!

ChocolateChangesEverything · 16/05/2016 21:04

No baby sepa

AgathaMystery · 16/05/2016 21:06

I would be tempted to add in the car to the divorce settlement. Grin that way it's a clear division of assets. Def speak with your solicitor about it.

Original poster
garlicbreathing · 16/05/2016 21:07

That might be an idea Frog! When all this came out, my parents did offer financial support, so it could be something I could ask them for as a last case scenario.

sepa, I'm not pregnant. We tried for over a year and were going through fertility treatment, when it all came out that he felt pressured into it. At this point though, it's been such a blessing it didn't happen as I'm really looking forward to just worrying about myself and being really selfish Grin

OP posts:
zeezeek · 16/05/2016 21:09

I'm not an expert, but what about a shared ownership arrangement? I've known a couple of people do that - both earning around the same amount as you.....one in particular had a lot of outgoings.

I read your story in relationships and just want to wish you all the best.

Original poster
garlicbreathing · 16/05/2016 21:13

I have three years left on the loan, and 7k to pay. If I sold the car at this moment I would get about 2.5k if I'm lucky. So selling it really isn't a great option. My ex wouldn't take the car, he is on the insurance but doesn't need it day to day, whereas I do.

I agreed to take on the car debt as he has taken on a loan debt. He tried to include that into our figures, but it was a loan we took out for the wedding amongst other things, and I was against it. Especially as things turned out that he didn't even want the wedding, I have refused to take on a share of that debt as I wouldn't have went through with a wedding had he made his feelings known. But as it turns out, it's both pretty equal as his loan is about 5k.

OP posts:
Original poster
garlicbreathing · 16/05/2016 21:16

I have been looking at 2 beds with the option to get a lodger in if things are difficult on my own. Even a couple hundred extra a month would be beneficial if I was to still be paying for this car, it's £200 a month on just repaying the loan.
I have looked at evening and weekend work too, as even working a few extra hours a week should help me out too.

OP posts:
ChocolateChangesEverything · 16/05/2016 21:20

You could try speaking to the loan company, explain the situation and plead poverty. See if they can give you any options? Sometimes companies are considerate of shitty personal circumstances.

You may also be able to lump that £7k into the mortgage, therefore freeing up your full salary for the income multiples. It always used to be that they would ask if any outstanding debts would be repaid at the time of the mortgage commencing - which it would be if you were using some of the mortgage monies to repay it - hope that makes sense?

ChocolateChangesEverything · 16/05/2016 21:25

Independent financial advice is what you really need (independent being the key word - you want someone to look at the whole market for the best mortgage options).

But often a persons own bank are generous too as they have seen your consistent good financial behaviour (I am assuming you are good because you seem wise beyond your years Wink) so you could just contact your back and ask them their opinion and how much they would lend you taking into account car loan of X and also ignoring car loan of X. That will give you a good idea.

Original poster
garlicbreathing · 16/05/2016 21:25

I will be planning to contact the loan company (Barclays, if anyone has any advice about them in particular?) to see what the situation is. I spoke with the salesman from the car dealership today and he was unsure whether the same situation could apply with the being able to hand back the car halfway through the repayments (or value, I don't know), but he thought it would be pretty unlikely.

OP posts:
ChocolateChangesEverything · 16/05/2016 21:26

Sorry - I was an Independent Financial Adviser for years got back in the swing of it there for a minute

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 16/05/2016 21:27

You're obviously really focused and determined Garlic, I admire you!

Just a suggestion: would moving back in with family short term be an option? I mean just to possibly give you some time to add to you deposit or reduce the car loan? Not necessarily ideal but maybe worth considering?

Original poster
garlicbreathing · 16/05/2016 21:30

Thanks chocolate I like knowing there are options! I will be planning to get independent financial advise. I'm not confident in going to my own bank, when we were applying for our mortgage on the flat we are currently in, they weren't the most helpful, so I'm not confident they would be helpful with me on my own.

cantsleep, short term I will be back in with my parents, and I am determined for it to be as short term as possible, but I see they are really keen to support me though this, which I am so incredibly grateful for. At the time I posted my thread in Relationships, I had issues with my family not really believing the situation and blamed me for a lot of the issues. Since then, they have been amazing.

OP posts: