Dad thinks he should move in, hubby says no

[Achingallover]

Dad is getting older and more infirm and dropping hints about moving in so I can look after him. Hubby is clear and says absolutely not. Dad is a depressive, is very cantankerous and is very dirty about the place, hubby is a neat freak and dislikes my dad. To tell dad no is going to be very difficult and activates my guilt chip seriously ! Any advice?

When I hear of guilt trips like this from the older generation, I always wonder what arrangements they made with their parents. Is it their expectation because they feel it's 'their turn'? But even if he did open his home to his parents, improved health care means many people go on way into their 90s. If the thought of your dad being the 3rd wheel in your marriage for 10-15 years fills you with horror, I wouldn't suggest you try it, even for a short time. Once he's in, you'll be stuck.

And just because he's elderly, it doesn't mean he has a mandate to be bad company. If he wants to be invited into your home for the forseeable he needs to make himself agreeable and abide by your standards, just like any other person would be expected to.