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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have not told neighbour we were having a BBQ?

111 replies

RequestInUse · 15/05/2016 10:53

Some nice weather = BBQ's for lots.

AIBU to have not told neighbours we were having one? Not to invite, just inform.

We have a neighbour two doors down who is a bit "one of them". Keeps an eye on everything (not a horrendous trait for safety tbf and you can have a friendly chat with him if you have hrs) but will have a words if he's feeling disgruntled, sometimes it is pretty petty stuff though.

Anyway said neighbour complained to us about the BBQ as he had washing out and windows open. He has in the past, so we tell him if we can see him. But he wasn't about yesterday.

Is informing neighbours the fine thing though?

OP posts:

MaddyHatter · 15/05/2016 17:54

technically, our borough is a smoke free zone, so the twats that light a bonfire for a bbq with grey smoke billowing across the neighbouring gardens ARE breaking the law.

I don't give a crap about the cooking smell, its the SMOKE i object to.

skankingpiglet · 15/05/2016 18:27

It wouldn't occur to me to let my neighbours know either about a BBQ, but then our gardens are all a fairly decent size and our BBQ doesn't produce a great deal of smoke as it gets going. If we lived in a terraced house I would think differently. We've let them know about 2 in the last 5 years, but that was to do with the number of people that were expected/late finish, and invited them over too.

The bonfire our neighbours backing on to us had this week however... 8 hours of burning freshly cut wood by our boundary. No warning, washing out, the entire house reeked of smoke, and they only put it out when DH went round there to complain at a little after 8pm. We could have rented our garden out to a film crew for a battlefield recreation. Although TBH this WBU even if they had 'warned' us. Even more annoying after 2 days of drizzle which would have been perfect for a bonfire (more difficult to light, but no one would want to use their garden for anything so not inconveniencing neighbours), they chose the nicest day of the week and rendered the garden completely unusable

Original poster

RequestInUse · 15/05/2016 18:59

Would have happily informed him if we had seen him. But he wasn't about. Also It wasn't lit until about 5pm. It transpires he was in by then but we hadn't noticed.

Also was a well done BBQ as it were.

The sun isnit even in our gardens past 2. Which is a shame on all grounds.

Didn't have one at all last year but probably have 3-8 a year average. Not excessive I'd say. But nobody our side of the road really even uses their gardens (apart from to hang washing). The next road over who's gardens back ours, have the odd BBQ and never bothers us.

He particularly likes to moan. And is defininately never going to be invited round....

Also but confused why washing trumps BBQ is you work all week. What's that got to do with anything? Why can't washing be hung if you work all week? (Which I have and have managed, on MAT leave ATM).

OP posts:

slinkysaluki · 15/05/2016 19:31

I always tell neighbours if they have washing out shame I never get the same courtesy

itsalldyingout · 15/05/2016 20:35

I'm another that tells neighbours but never get told back.

I have really bad asthma/allergies. If I take bedding in after it's been BBQ'd I have to re-wash it. Sleeping in sheets that have a smoke taint brings on an attack.

I also have to put a fan on in my bedroom if I've gone out having left windows open during the day and next door's 'smoking pit' has filled my bedroom.

I also can't breathe where grass is being cut (I get a problem driving through areas where a verge has been cut recently, too). Next door knows this but always decides to cut their lawn on the rare occasions I'm sitting out. Oh, and they always cut a bit, go back in, then cut a bit more. Several times. Every. Time. I. Sit Out.

Knobs!

OP - I think that some people try to hang out during the week while at work, but it often doesn't happen because it might be fine in the morning, but will have rained by the time they get home. They do it on the weekends so they can make the most of the weather and bring it in if it rains.

I'm assuming lots of people don't have tumble dryers/want to use them in the summer due to cost or don't like drying inside because of the damp it causes, not to mention the length of time it takes. I hang out as I don't have a dryer and any damp in the house gives me more asthma problems.

A bit of notice from neighbours that a BBQ or bonfire being lit is always appreciated by me.

MrsDeltaB · 15/05/2016 21:10

We BBQ a lot, H is a little obsessed as soon as the sun is out and above 15'! I live by my tumble dryer (yes, I know I know) but always check if neighbours having washing out before we spark up. Its hard though because knocking the door kinda says oi, get your washing in because we want our dinner but I'd still rather tell them and give the option.

Bonfires on the other hand are a different matter I feel, some stuff being burned is just acrid and rank and lingers! Bit of notice would be 'nice'.

RockMeMomma · 15/05/2016 21:45

When my neighbours light their bbq, there is so much smoke, when I first moved in, I thought there was a chimney fire. The smoke did settle down after a while but by then my washing was smelling of smoke.

eightbluebirds · 15/05/2016 22:04

I love the smell of a BBQ. I don't announce mine to neighbours nor expect them to inform me. If my washing smells, meh, it happens. I'm hanging it up, outside, in the open air... People can do what they want, they don't need to inform me of anything.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 15/05/2016 22:13

We BBQ at least 3x a week , wouldn't occur to me to tell anyone and I wouldn't expect to be told. One of our neighbours fires up for breakfast..mmmmmmmm!

foursillybeans · 15/05/2016 22:21

For BBQs no need to notify. Bonfires yep you should.

tuesdaywednesday · 15/05/2016 23:28

We are the opposite as I won't put out a bbq if I see any neighbours with washing up.

manicmij · 16/05/2016 00:35

Common folks, show a bit courtesy and common sense. If your BBQ equipment is anywhere near a neighbour's window or door get it moved away. There is nothing worse than having your house filled with horrible cooking smells, (not everyone enjoys the smell of burnt sausages or burgers) and smoke, especially in the bedrooms. I always move the BBQ (gas) down the bottom of the garden, about 40 feet away from the houses. My ex neighbour used to light a firepit nearly every night summer/winter as he smoked and wasn't allowed to do so indoors so he just lit a firepit with wood to keep him warm outside, placed it about six feet from the back of his house and about 8 feet from his fence and basically smoked us out. Even his teenage daughter complained about the smell in her room but he was such a MCP he just carried on. I did complain and asked the Local Authority for advice and they suggested they would speak with him to advise of his unsociable behaviour. I did again speak with the neighbour and he moved the firepit over a bit from his fence.Didn't really make much difference. Fortunately they have moved.

MangosteenSoda · 16/05/2016 01:21

I'd only tell if washing was very close by. I lived in South Africa for a few years and people there would find this thread hilarious- you would definitely only tell people if you were going to invite them. Braais often happened on a daily basis.

Obviously when living in close proximity to others it's better to be sensitive to not overly disturbing them, but that swings both ways and you also have to be tolerant of other people living their lives. That includes doing things you might not personally appreciate or enjoy. A bbq is a normal summer activity, as are children playing in gardens, people using their gardens for leisure and thus making some noise and people gardening. As long as all of those things are mostly done within reasonable hours, I think it's something people with neighbours just need to accept.

I tend to find people who bitterly complain about stuff like this to be the kind of people who have zero tolerance for anyone who does stuff they themselves don't rate or enjoy thinking of you FIL

unlucky83 · 16/05/2016 09:16

I think if you lived in less temperate climes - like Australia or South Africa it would be different.
In the UK the weather is usually so unsettled that at the first sign of the sun people rush out to take advantage of it - whether that is doing as much washing as possible or having a BBQ...
And I suspect the washing is out for longer as takes longer to dry as it isn't as hot as some countries. And there is no guarantee the next day will be a good drying day or even BBQ day.
Last summer DD2 (then 8) went on her first holiday to a warmer climate (that she can remember) - we were going out for the day and she pointed out that we knew we didn't need to pack raincoats - and we didn't need to look at the forecast or out the window in the morning to know what the weather was going to be like that day.

Chattymummyhere · 16/05/2016 09:26

Never warned for a bbq I warn for fireworks and bonfires but not a bbq it's just cooking food outside.

I can often smells various foods outside that people have cooked in their kitchens that's going to cling to the washing just as much as a bit of bbq smoke.

wigglewam · 16/05/2016 12:49

My mum always gets upset if the neighbours have a BBQ and they don't pre-warn her - so she can get the washing in. Doesn't bother me. I thought it was an older generation thing.

MrJones1977 · 16/05/2016 13:09

Our neighbour regularly has BBQs when the weather's good. We refer to it as him cremating something or doing a Viking burial, we just close the relevant windows and leave him to it. So your neighbour is BU, if it was a loud party I could understand as they annoy the hell out of me

TheMockTurtle · 16/05/2016 13:18

Really? I would never expect to be told or tell my neighbours. We are serious pushovers though. Our neighbours have loud late night parties, hammer until 9pm, shout and scream at each other, claim land that belongs to us, and so on. And we never say a word. You need neighbours like us.

chicaguapa · 16/05/2016 13:31

We have a wood-fired oven and tell our neighbour we are going to light it if she has her washing out as the smoke does travel in that direction. We try to be considerate but it's hard sometimes if we want to light it during the day but her washing is out as we can hardly tell her to take it in! So we do try to light it in the evenings instead if we have a choice, unless we really want it at lunchtime because we have people round.

It's better than a BBQ though as it only smokes a little bit at the beginning when the kindling is burning and you can't smell any food cooking like you can with a BBQ.

oldjacksscrote · 16/05/2016 13:32

I've been thinking about this a lot as we share a coutyard with our neighbour, she lives upstairs and I wonder if I should let her know so she can keep her windows closed but I'm worried it will sound like an invite too.

NotCitrus · 16/05/2016 13:48

If it's a sunny day and a weekend I know there will be a couple barbecues within 50 yards - as someone said we can smell people's cooking indoors too!
I expect laundry to smell slightly - and BBQ is better than acid rain which mine usually smells of in London if I dry outside.

MsHoolie · 16/05/2016 13:54

Bonfires- yes, I never light one if neighbours Windows are open/clothes are out.... but BBQ?
Unless you have a spit roast over a huge fire I would never think to check neighbours.

Have another beer and don't worry ;)

Carolbetty · 16/05/2016 14:20

I'd be extremely hacked off if the neighbours had a bbq when I had my washing out. Quick call to warned is definitely the considerate thing to do.

kathyjoy · 16/05/2016 14:25

He sounds like a control freak. If he doesn't like it he should move to a detached house in the middle of nowhere with no neighbours. I'm sorry but these are the perils living in close proximity together. This neighbour just sounds like they want to fell special. Ignore them. As long as you're not unreasonable like making a a tonne of noise late at night and such, you're fine. You don't have to inform him of everythign as if you were a child.

MrsMimmy · 16/05/2016 16:03

Sorry if it's been covered already - not enough time to read thread - isn't there an old law/bylaw whereby bonfires can't be lit until 6pm due to people's washing being out? I'd imagine if you're having an evening BBQ as opposed to lunchtime, he can't really complain - and does he know for sure it was your BBQ? Does no-one else have them! (If not, what on earth is wrong with them?! Best invention ever!)

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