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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not told neighbour we were having a BBQ?

111 replies

RequestInUse · 15/05/2016 10:53

Some nice weather = BBQ's for lots.

AIBU to have not told neighbours we were having one? Not to invite, just inform.

We have a neighbour two doors down who is a bit "one of them". Keeps an eye on everything (not a horrendous trait for safety tbf and you can have a friendly chat with him if you have hrs) but will have a words if he's feeling disgruntled, sometimes it is pretty petty stuff though.

Anyway said neighbour complained to us about the BBQ as he had washing out and windows open. He has in the past, so we tell him if we can see him. But he wasn't about yesterday.

Is informing neighbours the fine thing though?

OP posts:
Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 15/05/2016 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintessentialShadow · 15/05/2016 11:17

I was wondering the same Kitty, still do as I dont understand the reasoning in your answer.

Surely you dont invite your neighbours just because you cook your dinner outside rather than in your kitchen?

unlucky83 · 15/05/2016 11:19

Like maddy we have neighbours who are constantly using their BBQ and its a real bbq not gas so really smoky ...and they sit out in the evenings and start a Chimea going and burn quite green wood (so smoky)
And it does make your washing stink ...I do more or less all my washing on a Sunday and often have to bring it in to finish in tumble or wait to put it out the next day and it does piss me off a bit - and I'd prefer notice.
I have noticed that they never have one when their washing is hanging out and because of the layout their line is further from their BBQ area than mine and the wind blows in our direction mostly so we get the full force - so I think it is a bit inconsiderate. But otherwise they are lovely people.
We don't often sit out in the garden but if I did I think I would have to say something...we could probably come to some arrangement.
(I did used to have a real neighbour from hell - the reason we aren't in the habit of sitting in the garden - I'd get abuse when I did. Or, until he noticed me, I'd have to listen to whatever TV program they were watching at full volume - they sat on their patio in the sun watching the TV in the house through their open patio doors...or probably worse him playing the guitar and singing - badly ).

KittyKrap · 15/05/2016 11:20

It was a lighthearted comment. We got on well with our old neighbours. Jesus. It's like pulling hens teeth here sometimes.

Ihatechoosingnames · 15/05/2016 11:25

If someone had washing out I'd make an effort to let them know (drop a note in or something) but I don't think it's a big deal. My neighbours and I have a 'say hello, take parcels' relationship and they've never let me know when they're having a BBQ and I don't mind at all - doesn't matter to me! But then again I don't dry my washing outside, if I did it might bug me a little but I wouldn't really give it a second thought

Mov1ngOn · 15/05/2016 11:26

We made the faux pas of a bonfire when we first moved to where we are (built up area, small terraced houses.) not really the dine thing at all and people tend to tell each other about such things/proper bbqs.

I'd like to live somewhere with more space.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 15/05/2016 11:27

Tell the neighbours we're bbqing? Not even a dot on my radar, why would and should I?

Utter bollocks.

RidersOnTheStorm · 15/05/2016 11:28

YWBU. BBQs stink and make the house and the washing stink. I hate having to sit inside on a hot sunny day with the windows closed because neighbours are burning meat nearby. The smell is nauseating.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 15/05/2016 11:31

I'd consider it a plus if my sheets smelled of piri piri chicken. It's the dream. All those manufacturers trying to get me to buy 'blended by perfume experts' fabric conditioner ought to think about Infusion Of Hickory Smoke And Sardine.

I would tell my nearest neighbour if they had washing out, and I saw them in the garden, but not bother after that. They do the same with us, none of us would actually knock on doors.

TheWindInThePillows · 15/05/2016 11:31

No-one has ever knocked on my door to tell me they are having a BBQ ever, so I am assuming this is not a common practice, we don't mention it to ours, unless we see them out then we will shout 'having a barbie later'. It's to be expected that people have BBQs in the nice weather, this includes noise, music sometimes, but we don't have too many and neither do our neighbours, so it all seems to even out.

BadDoGooder · 15/05/2016 11:35

We had a (veggie) bbq yesterday, wouldn't have occured to me to tell the neighbours.
Mind you, we are an easy lot round here, there were at least 4 other bbqs yesterday, the day before my NDN had a massive house party, the weekend before that other neighbours did, no one ever stresses about it!

Where I used to live, if you so much as lit a fag in the garden, or raised your voice above a whisper, one of the neighbours would be straight round to complain, yet the never even used their garden ffs.
People are odd. Confused

DropZoneOne · 15/05/2016 11:36

Any whiff of sunshine and our neighbours have a bbq. Gardens are really small so the smell travels. They start early too - lunchtime or mid afternoon so I often have washing out and I'm not always in to realise and take it down.
Neighbours the other side also have bbq but they start later on by which time I'm usually home and have taken washing in.

MidniteScribbler · 15/05/2016 11:36

There's a lot of people that probably shouldn't ever move to Australia.

bluetongue · 15/05/2016 11:38

I've never heard of a neighbour being informed of a BBQ. Then again, I do live in Australia Grin

I might be informed of a particularly raucous party but it would be the exception rather than a rule.

Mov1ngOn · 15/05/2016 11:39

Australian gardens don't tend to be as cramped as ours!

RockMeMomma · 15/05/2016 11:41

YWU not to tell him if he had washing out and windows open if he was home and you live near him. YWR not to invite him.

CarolH78 · 15/05/2016 11:52

Lord, we'd be getting a constant stream of mail if neighbours informed us before having BBQs round here! He's BU if you ask me - the smell doesn't get that strong that quickly, it takes a while and usually gives plenty of time for windows to be closed / washing to be brought in if necessary. And I speak from experience (we don't BBQ that often but neighbours do constantly). If he's "one of those" then he's probably just looking for an excuse to complain about something.

sharknad0 · 15/05/2016 12:00

My neighbours always come to tell me if they see the washing out, it's a nice thign to do

MidniteScribbler · 15/05/2016 12:04

Australian gardens don't tend to be as cramped as ours!

True, plus Aussies are more along the lines of sticking your head over the fence with a beer in your hand for a chat if you hear your neighbours having a BBQ than worrying about their washing.

If my neighbours hear us in the pool on a hot evening they pop a champagne cork over the fence in to the pool. They then naturally must come over and share with us and have a swim.

angielou123 · 15/05/2016 12:05

I would not have thought of having to let the street know i'm about to have a bbq. Some people just like complaining.

Indantherene · 15/05/2016 13:52

I'm so pleased we no longer live in the town we used to where every single weekend somebody in the street was barbecueing.

Quite shocked that the majority see nothing wrong with doing it when neighbours have washing out and don't see why they should mention it. Explains a lot.

Yes washing does trump BBQ when you work all week.

ABCAlwaysBeCunting · 15/05/2016 14:13

I have never once let neighbours know I was having a BBQ and never once had a neighbour let me know. Is this a thing now? It sounds like he's just complaining for the sake of it.

skinofthericepudding · 15/05/2016 14:15

My neighbours had a BBQ yesterday evening and didn't tell me beforehand and I wouldn;t have expected them to.

CheesecakeWarrior · 15/05/2016 14:23

Would never occur to me & you don't need to ask permission.
I get that some people think it's a courteous thing to do. Fair enough. But people have been flamed on here for moaning that they weren't informed as there's a high opinion that it's non of their business.

Carry on & enjoy your bbq. Tell him to bugger off not in a charitable mood so maybe not my best advice

AliceInUnderpants · 15/05/2016 14:30

I'd maybe tell the neighbours each side if they had washing out - but from experience don't think it'd bother them, but certainly wouldn't go knocking on doors all down the street!