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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I co-sleep with DS (2.11)

94 replies

Bitchqueen90 · 14/05/2016 21:44

Ds is three next month. I still co sleep with him. I'm a lone parent, he was only breastfed until 6 months old. He slept in his own bed for a while when he was younger but when exH and I split he started coming back in with me (just for a bit of company/comfort and it just carried on).

He sleeps in his own bed at exH's, my parents etc. Is it really bad that I co sleep, should I be putting him in his own bed?

OP posts:

SalemSaberhagen · 14/05/2016 22:08

DD coslept from day 1. She's 2 in September and she still does! She's never slept a wink in her cot, or hideously expensive cosleeper cot. From mere hours old, she has had to be cuddling against me in the actual bed. I bloody love it

timelytess · 14/05/2016 22:09

It is not bad to co-sleep with your child, it is normal and right. Dd co-slept with me, when she felt like it, until she left home. If they have their own room to go to, that's even better - they can make the choice.

limon · 14/05/2016 22:10

yanbu. DD is 4 and one of us always end up in with her as she doesn't sleep through.

KnitsBakesAndReads · 14/05/2016 22:12

Sounds like both you and DS are happy with the situation so I can't see why there would be any issue with it.

Drinkstoomuchcoffee · 14/05/2016 22:14

Millions of years of evolution have gone into small mammals wanting to be close to their mothers at night. And mothers are programmed to keep their babies close.
In recent decades Westerners have turned this on its head and said small, vulnerable, children should sleep alone in a separate room. Then they are surprised when those children do not settle.
Your little one is much happier with you and you with him. He will move into his own bed when he is older.
YANBU

RealityCheque · 14/05/2016 22:14

Sorry but this is just too weird. And it certainly isn't healthy when they get to school age.

winkywinkola · 14/05/2016 22:15

How lovely for your ds and for you. He obviously feels very loved and secure co-sleeping with his mum.

He will go to his own room and bed when he's ready.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 14/05/2016 22:17

My only misgiving about co-sleeping with DS (3.6) from about 11pm onwards is that I had to give up with DD when she was 2.8, which was when her brother came along. She had DH for a while but started sleeping through when she got to reception. Having them both in with me means I get no sleep, but DS sleeps pretty soundly with me.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 14/05/2016 22:18

Reality, I'd love to know exactly how it's weird - I suspect your reasoning says more about you.

KnitsBakesAndReads · 14/05/2016 22:18

Reality, what's unhealthy about it? Surely it's healthy for a young child to sleep somewhere they feel safe and able to get a good nights sleep?

AliceInUnderpants · 14/05/2016 22:19

RealityCheque Healthy? Will we give our children some sort of germs by sharing a space with them after certain hours of the day?

nonladyofleisure · 14/05/2016 22:19

This post is so refreshing. My ex partner has bullied me into making ds go into his own room! Saying things like it's weird and I'm some sort of pervert!!

My ex made me put him in his own room at 6 weeks old I think that's where it stems from! X

AliceInUnderpants · 14/05/2016 22:20

I love that we live in a world where it is acceptable to share a bed with an unrelated adult, but not with our own children

x2boys · 14/05/2016 22:22

It's not unhealthy reality ds1 has no disabilities and always wanted to Co sleep until about 5/ 6 ds2 has significant disabilities and age six still wants to Co sleep it's mildly irritating at times as it interrupts intimate times but but it's perfectly normal .

Gardencentregroupie · 14/05/2016 22:23

I was adamant that I wouldn't be cosleeping, but DD (1.11) had very different ideas, so it was co sleeping or no sleeping. I used to resent it but DH and I both like having her in with us now. She can move into her own room whenever she wants but I think she likes knowing someone is there and she's not alone in the dark.

DooblieDooo · 14/05/2016 22:25

Mine don't co sleep but in the school summer holidays they take it in turns to turf a parent out of bed the massive superking bed and sleep next to the other parent.

Effectively as we are on a zip and link bed we each get a single bed but they are zipped together.

So one night it is me and Ds1, back to me and Dh then me and ds2. Again me and Dh then Dh and Ds1, me and Dh and finally Dh and Ds2.

And this is where the judgement comes in, Ds1 has just turned 13 and Ds2 has just turned 10.

We used to make the giant bed, which was our 5ft bed flanked either side by a 3ft single dragged in from the boy's bedrooms. This made the "family bed" for a few nights over the summer holidays but now we have the 6ft bed we can't do it. Not enough room. It was hell for me and Dh as we didn't get much sleep but the children loved it.

Why can we accept that children enjoy closeness and the reassurance that a parent is there for them but when this comes to beds and sleeping it isn't seen as "healthy."

Enjoy your son's cuddles.

Thewinedidit · 14/05/2016 22:25

DS is 2 and 95% of the time cosleeps wih me and DH. I moan about the lack of space, the kicks in the face all night, but honestly it's my favourite thing to wake up and have my 2 favourite people cuddles up wih me. I know one day DS will be too old to want to cuddle with us so I'm not going to force him out while he 3ants to.

Duckstar · 14/05/2016 22:26

All my children have co-slept. Still regularly have all 3 in bed (4,2 and baby). As someone said above it's an instinct to be close to Mum (to protect you from predators). My children all have lovely beds where they can sleep if they want, but they also know they can come in our bed if they want.

elQuintoConyo · 14/05/2016 22:27

We co-slept until DS was 3.8 and had his own room set up. I miss him

I sometimes climb into his bed to wake him up in the morning and have small person cuddles.

His Ikea cot never made it out of the box

SandunesAndRainclouds · 14/05/2016 22:27

My DD is 3 and a half and she co-sleeps most nights. She goes to sleep in her own bed but usually wanders in at some point.

I have 4 DC aged from 12 and Sunday mornings we all argue over the duvet watch a bit of TV in bed together, chat, snooze whatever.

These times are precious and over too soon. I'm treasuring them while I can!

MissPunnyMany · 14/05/2016 22:27

My niece has anxiety and still cosleeps aged 5. I don't cosleep with mine, I love my space and they love theirs, but I don't see anything wrong with it. It only becomes an issue if a new relationship is on the cards for you and you want your new partner to stay over etc, but you'll work that out if and when.

Our kids aren't little for long and when my son naps on me (he's 3) I love it. It's precious.

Wolfiefan · 14/05/2016 22:28

How is it weird?
I co slept when kids were tiny but I like my own space!
If you and your child are happy with the arrangement then carry on!

Purplebluebird · 14/05/2016 22:28

I love cosleeping ^^ yanbu

blueturtle6 · 14/05/2016 22:28

DD moved into own room last month and DH moved back into bedroom. DD sleeps better in own room, but I wish she was still with me. So yanbu.

DameDancealot · 14/05/2016 22:30

Our DD nearly 7 still sleeps with us , I have to admit it , I will miss her when she chooses to sleep in her own room, sometimes our youngest dd comes through in the middle of the night as well so usually co sleep with 2 most nights

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