To be embarrassed?

[SuzeIsTheOne]

I'm beyond stressed right now, not coping with exams.

I'm staying in a rented house and living with virtual strangers (nice as they are) is so hard. I am anxious and stressed all the time and then I get paranoid that I drive people away with my anxiety if that makes sense?

I think I just made my flatmate really uncomfortable! Was chatting in lounge for a few mins and I think she thinks I'm insane. Which makes me even worse.

My heart is just permanently thumping really fast and I'm finding it hard to catch breath

That's a panic attack. Not unusual when you are stressed as you are with your exams. You can google strategies for dealing with panic attacks. Often just doing the breathing can work. If not, go and see your GP and describe exactly what they feel like. You could get some CBT to teach you strategies for dealing with panic attacks. Plus beta blockers to take when you feel an attack coming on. These really do work.

Don't worry about the relationships with your flat mates right now. Your priority is to get the panic attacks under control and then you can work on building bridges with your flat mates if you still need to.

It's really embarrassing I consider myself a social, fun, nice, friendly person, I have lots of friends, but I'm disgusting people, I'm turning them away, and I can't stop it!!!!!!

Gibberish just comes out of my mouth, like she'll be telling me about her day and I'll sympathise and then say about how mine was stressful cos of xyz but it just comes out so badly, it's so obvious that she's like "what you're genuinely worried about that minor thing"?! I'm not, but my worries are just manifesting themselves on that one thing, I know how spoilt and ridiculous I sound.

I feel like I'm absolutely cracking up

It's just so much effort to make people like you AND care about exams, I want to just walk far far far away and never come back. I honestly cannot cope.

no one will ever think you are insane. Honestly as ive got older ive realised that other people are usually all worrying about how they are coming across at least a little bit. You don't need to make people like you, don't put energy into that. No one really goes around disliking people because they are a bit anxious or awkward.. People will be much kinder in their thoughts about you than you are in your thoughts about yourself. Its a cliché but its true that you are your own harshest critic. Remember that how you think people feel about you and how you interpret their behaviour is usually massively coloured by what mood you are in. Its like if you hear people laughing on a bus and you've had an awful day its more likely you will think they are laughing at you but if youve had a great day you are more likely to see that they are just laughing amongst themselves at something else.
It sounds like you are just very stressed at the moment and that is making you view everything as more negative than it is. You don't need to worry about 'driving people away' or 'making people like you'. Try and not turn your anxiety about your exams in on yourself like this. You can cope you just need to be kinder to yourself. Nothing in the world matters enough to feel that bad about yourself. It might be useful to go to your GP and ask for CBT to help with your anxiety. xxx