To want to find a lovely baby group

[glueandstick]

Not one in a miserable hall. Not one with awful chipped mugs and undrinkable tea. Not one with ridiculous competitive parenting. Not one in a rammed coffee shop where you are clearly in the way as people buy the minimum and sit for hours (independent shops make me most angry. It is these people's livelihoods). Not one with filthy toys. Not one with people who judge you for not doing x y z. Not one where you're made up feel like shit because you still want a bit of yourself. And not one where a bunch of utter weirdos are who turn up at your house unannounced and think you're besties when you hardly know them. Or spend their time reeling off parenting information that you just don't bloody want.

Just one in nice comfortable surroundings with good coffee, a laugh and some company. With nice normal people.

You unfortunately need to try a lot to find a good one. And good for one person may be awful for another.
I found a lovely one with DD2 linked to a church (but by no means did you have to belong to the church, or any religion). Like someone mentioned further up it helped that there were some older helpers doing the tea and cakes, generally making sure everyone was getting along/kids happy.

Went to a local one with Dd3 that was mega cliquey. Organisers dos the craft but didn't really engage otherwise, sat like Billy no mates trying to find a conversation to join, thought I was being approachable without forcing but would usually get a polite smile and nod then person would turn back to their mates. So tried a nearby group (10 minutes max by car) - was getting along fine until snobby woman asked, "are you from the village"? No, I'm 10 mins away in the newer houses. Oh. Frostier from then on.
Baby groups are fab if you find one that works but you need to kiss a lot of frogs as the saying goes...

Strangely mine is in a church with lots of older women helping! It's lovley as the first couple of times they would make a point of coming over and chatting to me, now it's a bit like I've been going for years, also although I have three DCs I've had some cracking tips from the nannies that go every week with their charges! Plus a couple of them babysit evenings if we want to go out, the little ones love them coming to play

Don't think I'd pass the normal test. Sad.

Try Cloud9 in Ossett open every weekday £3 per child, great place and very friendly

www.facebook.com/Cloud9mumsandtots/

Any questions please ask X

Oh, I remember this. The first few groups I tried were not for me. Very cliquey and not welcoming. I was already finding mat leave difficult having spent so long working in a big, male dominated, social industry. I was not a natural mummy!
After the first few attempts at joining anything baby related I came home feeling like a useless mum for hating the groups I'd tried. I decided to try one last time and found people I could relate to - draughty old church hall, awful singing but lovely, welcoming people who immediately offered me tea A few are still my friends 7 years on and DD made friends with several DCs that she still plays with now too.
I don't know what I'd have done if he hadn't forced myself to try that last meeting. I was so desperate for adult conversation by that point.
Hope you find a group that works for you, glueandstick.

Ooh where abouts are you Whiffle? I'm also in a lovely village/small town in between Cirencester & Witney. The town hall was burned down this weekend just gone... (really, it is lovely!)

There's a lovely one in Cricklade, they're all very friendly but I can't promise they won't call you hun (that one drives me up the wall too!)

And those of you looking for a hobby you can get involved in with small ones in tow have you thought about geocaching? There can be a great social side to it with events, meets and even holidays, it's very child friendly and free!

My friends daughter has made an app called Mush. It puts !ums in touch with other mum's with kids of the same age on your area. The more people who such up the better it will be and its free. V

Doh! Sign up not such!

I'm already on mush but it still has issues with the messaging! It's a great idea but can feel a little like online dating so not for the shy out there.

I do agree, I avoid baby groups!! Although got roped in to running one by the headmistress at my children's old school as I'm a child minder !? have since moved and feel I should venture to the local group to make some friend ( I'm feeling a bit like a hermit) .
but it's not my cup of tea because of all what you said!! I'm south west maybe we should make our own

Best one I've been to was the baby massage course I was referred to by my HV. It was for mums having a shit time so it started by going round the room and telling everyone why you were referred.

When your first introduction to someone is 'I'm x this is y I have super bad pnd/a super refluxy baby who never sleeps etc' you end up skipping the pleasantries and competitive bullshit and end up all being supportive and close. The course finished last week but I'm hosting it next week, because why not?

I think you need to try a mixture before finding some other mums you get on with. I've found that sometimes they change quite a lot if the organizer changes or if a new 'intake' of mums come along.

I wouldn't fuss about the coffee. It's usually rubbish but at least it's hot and someone else makes it. If you get to the stage when friends are coming to your house then you can offer something better.

I am beginning to realise how incredibly lucky I was when I had my sprog 25 years ago. I went to NCT classes quite a way away from where I lived because we moved into the area too late for me to get into the one close to home and somehow (can't remember how) I got 'paired' with a lovely mum in my village who had a baby in the same week as me and she introduced me to the NCT new mums group in my village. They were all amazingly kind and welcoming even though most of them had known each other for years and I and my sprog were a bit weird and shy.
The playgroup/toddlers thing was in a clean hall with new toys and nice mums, it was still too busy for me and my sprog to cope but that was our problem not theirs.
We still went to the mum's mornings and they got hosted in different houses but nobody seemed to mind (or if they did it went over my head) that my house was too small and so I never had to host it and everybody's house was enviably clean and their tea was nice and they made cakes and stuff.
It was in a village outside Nottingham and I've lived lots of places since and never met a more welcoming pleasant group of people although quite a few places have come close. I wish I'd been a bit more appreciative at the time.
It's true that you don't realise how good you've got it until you haven't got it any more.