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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to find a lovely baby group

115 replies

glueandstick · 12/05/2016 13:56

Not one in a miserable hall. Not one with awful chipped mugs and undrinkable tea. Not one with ridiculous competitive parenting. Not one in a rammed coffee shop where you are clearly in the way as people buy the minimum and sit for hours (independent shops make me most angry. It is these people's livelihoods). Not one with filthy toys. Not one with people who judge you for not doing x y z. Not one where you're made up feel like shit because you still want a bit of yourself. And not one where a bunch of utter weirdos are who turn up at your house unannounced and think you're besties when you hardly know them. Or spend their time reeling off parenting information that you just don't bloody want.

Just one in nice comfortable surroundings with good coffee, a laugh and some company. With nice normal people.

OP posts:

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 19:34

I'd rather find an adult group that babies are allowed to come to rather than a baby group.

KERALA1 · 12/05/2016 19:40

Go to a massive one. Treat it like going on the pull. Scope out women who look on your wave length with similar aged kids. Chat them up. Some will knock you back some won't. You only need about 3 then you meet at each other's houses and never go to playgroup again. That's what I did anyway.

Heatherbell1978 · 12/05/2016 19:56

I can relate a bit to this. DS1 is now 20 months but when I was on mat leave I tried every single group going. I came across a few gems with lovely women but the hardest thing I found was finding people who seemed to be having the same struggles with sleep as me, or at least admitting it! DS didn't sleep through the night for months and I felt like shit, wanting to talk about it with others but miraculously all the mums I came across got plenty sleep apparently.....huh?

RhinestoneCowgirl · 12/05/2016 19:59

KERALA is right, I was a baby group tart when I had DC1, went to everything going. I gradually found women who I got on with and who went on top become good friends. By DC2 I had a nice little network.

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 20:04

This is making me feel antisocial I only tried 2!

Shallowstreams · 12/05/2016 20:12

I don't think your playgroup wants are unreasonable but you sound very angry and a bit 'punchy' so maybe you're scaring people!

Shallowstreams · 12/05/2016 20:14

And as to Rhyme Time maybe your baby can 'abide' baby things. I don't think adults go to them because they love singing silly songs. They go because their babies like them and then there's often a nice plus that you can meet some like minded friends too. Try not being so hostile!

Original poster

glueandstick · 12/05/2016 20:15

Perhaps I just vent online ;) in real life I bite my lip and carry on.

I've even been known to smile and thank the leader profusely for a lovely session when I would have preferred to eat my own eyeballs with a spoon.

OP posts:

Abbinob · 12/05/2016 20:15

i don't think babies care about rhyme time, well, any more than they care about a piece of tinfoil anyway

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 20:16

Shallow Rhyme Time is particularly awful to be fair.

AnnieOnnieMouse · 12/05/2016 20:16

Come to the (secular) one in our village church on a Monday - just your side of where louise987 lives. Louise can come, too! Mumsnet meetup!
Home made cakes, decent tea; chipped mugs get thrown out, and I know I'm not the only mumsnetter there, so not many 'huns'. Sit on the mats and chat, sit at the tables and chat, sit anywhere you like and bf or ff.
In the first few months at least, these places are purely for the sanity of the mums - the babies don't care where they are at that age!
Have a look at the PATA UK website, they may list some in your area. Look out for posters in your local shops - Tesco have a community noticeboard. If you use FB, look or ask on your local community page.

Original poster

glueandstick · 12/05/2016 20:17

Mine doesn't care if you sing the wheels on the bus or the shipping forecast.

I prefer the shipping forecast

OP posts:

Abbinob · 12/05/2016 20:17

You could always try being totally creepy and see if any of the local baby groups have facebook pages and then spy to see if it seems like youd enjoy it/get on with the other parents.
i totally didn't do this. not me.

Original poster

glueandstick · 12/05/2016 20:18

Please tell me more- I may even bake.

OP posts:

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 20:19

Glue as long as there's something he can climb on mines fine anywhere.

Original poster

glueandstick · 12/05/2016 20:19

Asked on Facebook - first reply included the word 'Hun'. Made me smile ;)

OP posts:

Abbinob · 12/05/2016 20:19

I was taking DS swimming once and witnessed a baby swim group going on and they were all made to get in a circle and sing ring a ring a roses, over half the mothers looked like they wanted to drown to end the torture. and i was so glad i never took DS when he was a baby because i could not deal with that

Original poster

glueandstick · 12/05/2016 20:21

This evening I read mine the Indian takeaway menu.

Never trust a baby who drinks milk to choose what you're eating.

OP posts:

Abbinob · 12/05/2016 20:24

I used to read DS textbooks for my course as a bedtime story until he got old enough to demand actual stories
atleast they were psychology ones so maybe he'll just end up really well adjusted

Shallowstreams · 12/05/2016 20:25

Hmm my 10m old baby loves rhyme time. She claps and dances along and watches the other children enraptured. It's only half an hour I can endure that if it makes her happy. Then I go for cake and coffee which makes me happy!

Maybe rhyme time here is better than some places

Original poster

glueandstick · 12/05/2016 20:27

I've found somewhere to go tomorrow. If you are at a group and see a new face then it might be me. Call that person Hun and see what happens ;)

OP posts:

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 20:27

Shallow mine isn't interested in other kids he just wants to climb things.

Miffyandme · 12/05/2016 20:33

It's tricky, but I guess it depends how old your baby is and what you want to get out of it for both of you. Stuff like baby sensory you have to pay for, but you get structured activities for the babies to do, "free play" - chat, although it depends where you go as to how much random chat happens, but I'm not sure baby groups are needed for the baby, so could you just do something totally different and take your baby with you?

Our local children's centre runs some good groups and probably the best ones I came across. I have pondered on whether there is a market for a good "venue" for groups with a cafe / space to play and chat / rooms to hire....I know this is probably what children's centres are for but whilst ours has good groups they are obviously cash strapped and don't run that many, and you are lucky to get a plastic cup of water.

Original poster

glueandstick · 12/05/2016 20:39

Perhaps I need a new hobby that I can take a plus one with me.

OP posts:

Gardencentregroupie · 12/05/2016 20:49

At rhyme time my toddler stole a book off the library shelves and ran out the door into the (thankfully pedestrianised) street, setting off the alarms. Embarrassed. Didn't go back.

I go to a nice nct run one. There is nice tea, good biscuits, the toys are clean and DD spends the whole time going down the slide over and over again. We leave when the singing starts. She always kicks off during the singing, every time without fail.

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