To want to find a lovely baby group

[glueandstick]

Not one in a miserable hall. Not one with awful chipped mugs and undrinkable tea. Not one with ridiculous competitive parenting. Not one in a rammed coffee shop where you are clearly in the way as people buy the minimum and sit for hours (independent shops make me most angry. It is these people's livelihoods). Not one with filthy toys. Not one with people who judge you for not doing x y z. Not one where you're made up feel like shit because you still want a bit of yourself. And not one where a bunch of utter weirdos are who turn up at your house unannounced and think you're besties when you hardly know them. Or spend their time reeling off parenting information that you just don't bloody want.

Just one in nice comfortable surroundings with good coffee, a laugh and some company. With nice normal people.

There is nothing quite like these groups to make you feel like you are back at school again. You are definitely not being unreasonable.

Although thanks to those that mentioned the Sure Start centres - in my years of trying to find and going to local groups these have never come up on my searches. But just googled and one a couple of miles from me has loads of stuff going on so I'm going to check it out next week.

Perhaps I need a new hobby that I can take a plus one with me.

This is what I want but my hobbies are not baby friendly

Back again - my homemade cake one is 10 mins from junction 16 of M4 (southern side though).

Can you message me? I'm there.

Grr hit done before I was.

And thinking about it, I may be north of it. Geography is not my friend at this time of night but really it is semantics as it's hardly far!

I tried groups with my first, it was hell. When I had my second I went to have her weighed and the HV said you've not been to any of the groups here. I said no, I've been there done that, we go to the park or the shops. The older woman behind the desk smiled and nodded knowingly.

I had plenty to do without subjecting myself to groups. The very last time I was driving to one I just thought sod it and took a detour to a park with a cafe. It's just not for me.

I do not see the appeal of baby/toddler groups or 'making friends' with people just because the only thing you've got in common is a child of a similar age.

I've discovered the same with baby groups, especially the first I went to when DS was 11 weeks. Half the mums went for coffee afterwards & left out the rest of them which is fair enough but we found out they tried to keep it secret.

I started a baby group at an area I moved to after 5 months as the children's centre budget got slashed, I take hours out just one week day morning to set up, then try to keep my son & everyone else happy then tidy up.
We do tea & coffee & snacks for the kids with the donations but it's hard work & I try not to make it like groups I've seen & just a nice group for everyone but so far have seen Facebook posts of it being called judgemental & other things.

It's not even something I thought I'd do & I just hope the mum's I have coming are happy as I know how lonely it does get & without the first initial group I wouldn't have any friends here.

op would you consider visiting a tiny village between Cirencester and Witney?

it might be a bit far for store bought biscuits snaffled in secret when the children aren't looking. we're few but friendly and the village has lovely walks all around if the sun is shining and your child is of ambling age.

That sounds lovely. I am regularly in ciren/burford and always up for a bit of a drive as the countryside is so lovely.

(And will always go to Witney just because the parking is free and such a novelty)

God this is making me feel really lucky that all the groups near me and nice and friendly! Or maybe my rhinoceros-hide is shielding me from the judging and snottiness.

I've a 5 month old and I joined an NCT group but that's all. Baby groups and classes just aren't my scene.

Me too Laquila. I did baby massage at the sure start centre and we were a group of 8 and I still see 6 of them on a fairly regular basis and two of them every week. I think baby groups aren't perhaps as important as toddler groups-there are days when it's lovely to sit with a cuppa and let ds run riot. Maybe I've jus been really lucky but I'm really grateful to have met mums with kid ds's age, even more so since having dd. One of the mum's I've met has become one of my very best friends. Several would come up to my house and help entertain ds when I was heavily pregnant and going nuts. Obviously some people manage just fine without them though!

Best of luck tomorrow. Just be yourself and relax a bit, you may meet a friend. You sound very..chippy in your posts on here, that's maybe part of the problem.

I hate the ones that ask you to pay up front for 6 weeks or whatever, there's numerous reasons why you might not be able to make it one day and then you've lost £8 or whatever, pisses me off! A lot of the baby sensory and music ones are that way.

Really I am different in real life. The internet is somewhere to vent away from real life.

all round mine were like that

so a bunch of us got together, the heavily tattooed ones, the ones who drink a lot of wine, the ones with the over exuberant kids and we host our own in each other's houses, occasionally we pilfer mothers from other groups, were really a nightmare and we literally just sit there, drink decent tea and eat decent biscuits and gossip, not much parenting related, mainly who we think is having an affair at the old kids schools, the fact the very hot PE teacher comes up on Happn and who's husbands/boyfriends/f buddies are being arses :) it's great fun

Another vote for Surestart. More down to other than the snobby NCT ones I've tried by a mile and they are free!

YANBU. I stopped trying to find one because I decided one just didn't seem to exist.

Then randomly some friends were meeting up at a baby group that is like 45 minute bus journey for me, but I decided to go. And I loved it, everyone was so nice. But that was the week before I was due to start work again. Typical.

Have you tried different sort of groups? In our area there's a toddler gym, ballet, tumble tots type thing at the local leisure centre, specific swim sessions, baby/toddler sensory, a local company set up bouncy castles for under 5s bounce sessions, singing and reading groups at the library, baby massage. All sorts of things on and I've met lots of people in those sorts of groups rather than the standard church hall type toddler groups.

You seem to think you're better than everyone and too good for most places, so why not start an elite baby group for your type of people?

There are tons of baby and toddler groups in Ciren and unless they've changed dramatically in the two years since I left none are as you describe.

I've tried pretty much everyone in my area. The ones I really hate are when little circles of mums abandon their kids to steal toys off my grumpy munchkin so i spend half my time trying to stop him screaming the place down while they sit round in a tight circles bitching about everything and everyone and I'm left standing about like a lemon looking like a weirdo while trying to resist the urge to start browsing my phone.
My favourite one is in a church hall with about as many old ladies helping as parents. They acost you when you first arrive to take your order for tea and choice of their homemade cakes. Then bring it over to you. If you start to look a bit a bit bored they'll come and chat or introduce you to someone new. They also seem keen to do the intervening when all the toddlers want the same doll pram leaving us mums to drink our tea in peace!
I'll admit I do quite like the 'baby stuff' I'll sing along to action songs and don't mind if DS gets glue and glitter head to toe. I can't say I've actually made many new friends at baby groups (apart from SureStart bumps and babe's in first few months) but happy to go along pass the time as long people to make small talk with and are generally quite nice!

It sounds like you've had a couple of bad experiences with less than friendly people at baby groups, but at the same time you do sound like a bit of a snob. I have no idea what you mean by 'miserable hall' either. We go to a playgroup in a church hall, maybe it would be miserable by your standards but to me.. It's just a hall. No not everyone there is the sort of person I'd usually hang out with but pretty much everyone is friendly and pleasant. Have found a few people to talk to even though I've not found a new best friend, or a group who I click with perfectly. Some people do say 'hun' and even though I don't myself, it's no reason to immediately write them off.. They can be nice people too you know!

I'd advise starting your own baby group if you can't find one you like, maybe other people near you feel the same as you do. And maybe try to be a bit more open minded.

I've found a lovley one, small, friendly, great coffee previously I regarded them as the lower ring of hell!
But it's a new area and I'm determined to build my self a social life rather than sit at home building Lego and waiting for dh to finish work!