To love you Mumsnetters reminding on a daily basis, in a number of ways, why i am so so glad to be a lone parent?

[teafortoads]

10 years marriage followed by a hideous relationship (if you could call it that) with vile abusive psychopathic father of DD. Life is so calm and stress free and I miss nothing, literally NOTHING about being in a relationship. Mumsnet reminds me on a daily basis how bloody stressful relationships make life. So AIBU to thank you for making me grateful on a daily basis that I cut and ran twice?

So, just to confirm, you read the threads where people are having problems with their relationships to make you feel better about not being in one?

Would saying my husband / my boys' father is wonderful make you feel worse about being a single parent?

This thread is a little strange.

YY, op. You are so right! I have been on my own for decades and mn reminds me daily why and to be thankful. Tho actually glad in some ways that mn was not around when i had my crosses to bear , as some mners are anything but supportive of women. I wonder if it's because an increasing number of them appear to be men?

YANBU. Be happy.

YANBU. If something makes you grateful for something, it's a good thing.

Mumsnet reminds me on a daily basis how bloody stressful relationships make life.

No, that should say how bloody stressful your relationships make your life.

Mine's great, thanks. But given that your major relationships have been crap so far, YANBU to think you are better off out of them.

Don't make the mistake of thinking that because women come on here to moan about their bad relationships that all relationships are bad. There are millions of very happy couples just quietly getting on with being happy.

Yanbu
When I'm reading through I feel sympathetic but also thank god that's not me anymore & I got out (with amazing help from mners)
I don't think op was implying there are no happy relationships
^ I find it very telling how other people react, not me thank you I'm perfectly^ happy okaaaaaay then

I think you've put it rather strangely but if you're saying no relationship is infinitely better than a bad one then I doubt any sensible person would disagree.

How would it come across if i started a thread to say that reading about struggling single parents make me so so glad to be in a relationship?

Genuine Q.

Whilst I agree that no relationship is better than a bad or abusive one, its an odd way of putting it. Because there are lots of people as Mardlebum says just getting on with theirs. Ive been married a long time and its not all been hearts roses of course but the benefits to me - being with someone I love, trust, feel secure with, someone who makes me laugh etc outweigh anything else. My first DSs Dad was a psychopath without a shadow of a doubt and yes Im glad I got out of that relationship otherwise I wouldnt have met my DH now.

Don't forget you it's a self selecting audience to a certain extent. AIBU for example has people posting when they're mid-conflict, at their worst and seeking to bounce ideas around whilst they're processing stuff. It's a snapshot and you're not necessarily seeing the whole picture.

That said, if it makes you feel better and it's not hurting anyone else (it clearly isn't/doesn't - your world view doesn't affect anyone else's happiness/sorrow), then go for it. Whatever floats your boat. I'm glad you're comfortable with your independence.

YANBU to be happy with your singleness, sounds like you've been with some prized turds causing life to be stressful. Life is too short to put up with that! You sound free. But hope you're not speaking on behalf of every woman, there are millions of us in happy, stress free relationships who don't need to post.

Eponas I can't answer for OP but I wouldn't have a problem with that.

I often feel the same both on mn and real life. But of course my friends and family are a mix of LP, single no kids, happily and unhappily married/in relationships.

Some people are good at relationships some aren't, some enjoy some don't. Why can't we have a thread expressing why?

Being a LP can be tough in all the ways we're CONSTANTLY told (here, IRL, mainstream media) but it's not ALL bad.

I enjoy the autonomy, not answering to another adult, the wonderful close relationship with my dd and yes, not being married to an abusive, selfish, sexually incontinent twat!

YABU

I spend 9 years in a shit marriage, 2 years very happily as a single parent and I'm now 15 years into an extremely happy marriage.

Mumsnet reminds me of many things, but it doesn't change the diversity of real life.

EponasWildDaughter

How would it come across if i started a thread to say that reading about struggling single parents make me so so glad to be in a relationship?

Genuine Q.

Yes, and if I thanked everyone posting about their shitty relationships which constantly remind me how wonderful my DH is...

I think you should take whatever you can get to make you feel happy, but to actually thank people who are posting about their struggles making you feel better is a bit harsh.

Im happy being on my own with dd but i have to say i do get jealous of the women that have amazing husbands/bfs/fiancees as i wish my dd could have the experience of having a great father figure in her life and not the deadbeat dad that she barely sees, sometimes i wish we could experience some of the 'problems' so that i had a bit of support anyway im happy with how my life is and if i happen to meet someone else then great, whatever happens will happen.

How would it come across if i started a thread to say that reading about struggling single parents make me so so glad to be in a relationship?

Yes that's an excellent point, and I do read many, many threads from struggling single mothers who make it sound like unrelenting misery to be honest and I do think 'Thank God I'm in a stable, happy marriage to the father of my children.'

But if I started a thread to point that out I'd get my blow-torched arse handed to me on a plate.

Yes, and if I thanked everyone posting about their shitty relationships which constantly remind me how wonderful my DH is... I frequently thank my DH for being who he is after spending a few minutes on Relationships. Wouldn't start a thread about it.

Is this what schadenfreude is? I always wonder.

No, I don't think the OP is taking pleasure in others' misfortune. At the end of the post she expresses gratitude to MN for helping her to leave two bad relationships.