I am most likely being very petty so feel free to tell me.
DH and I have been together for 6 years, he has his own DS12 from a previous relationship, the break up was very very messy, happened when DSS was 1.
It's been very hard trying to find my place in this family, at first I tried to be involved with DSS but according to his Mum my help was not wanted or needed, so over the years I've become more of a friend then a parental figure to DSS, we only have him for the holidays as DH and I work long hours.
The families are very much separate, DSS' Mum remarried years ago, has other kids etc her and DH only communicate through email and it's normally her complaining about me.
E.g I bought him a phone, an exact replica of the one he had after it fell into the paddling pool when he was staying with us, his mother hit the roof. He loves art so for Christmas I got him this great set of paints and brushes, she complained and demanded that I was to not spend a penny on her DS, she's been very clear over the years that my financial contribution is not needed and has accused me of trying to buy off her DS.
DSS and I aren't that close, we get along, he's a sweet kid but his Mum has made it impossible for me to be a real part of his life.
DH has been paying for DSS' prep school through the years and DSS has managed to secure a place at a Public school this September, the agreement between DH and DSS' Mum was that for senior school, she would have to contribute 20% as DH simply couldn't afford senior school on his own, the fees are massively different. They agreed on this years ago, as they had to decide on potential schools when DSS was around nine.
DSS' Mum has just informed us that she will not be contributing to school fees as her and her current DH have decided that it wouldn't be fair to pay for one child to go to a fee paying school and not the others, they have 3 DC together, she expected DH to pay the full amount, which he simply can't afford to do.
When he emailed her that he couldn't do it, she emailed that of course he could, he should give up on certain luxuries to provide for his DS etc etc and that I could always chip in!!!
She has made my position over the years very clear, and I in turn made it very clear to DH that I have no intention of paying a penny towards DSS' schooling, plenty of great State schools around, if she doesn't want to chip in.
I said that all last night and now I'm feeling very petty.