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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask how your six year old leaves playdates?

87 replies

justforthisonce · 10/05/2016 14:31

Mine plays up, refuses to leave, runs around the hosters house. It is completely undermining and embarrassing.

Last night there was hiding under tables, screaming, laughing.

Please could anyone suggest tactics.

We have tried time out post play date and cancelling play dates, but the time delay is not instant enough for my child to understand.

I've tried confiscating toys but my child is normally placid and easy going and is quite happy to lose a toy.

Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:

Wanderingwondering · 11/05/2016 21:57

Mine will stall and take any opportunity to sneak back with her friend if I spend too long chatting with the host parent!
But she knows she'd be in big trouble if she didn't come when I gave her the final say so.
Chocolate bribery used be useful when she was younger

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 12/05/2016 06:01

I have an 11 year old London - they bloody don't!

Onlyicanclean10 · 12/05/2016 06:08

Yes I couldn't pick up mine at 6 if resisting. They didn't resist though S knew meant business.

Agree also with the host dropping off. Own kids stay in the car and its door step drop off.

That way you too arnt left with another kid longer than you wanted to.

Floggingmolly · 12/05/2016 09:19

To be brutally honest, London, any kids who "regularly" arsed about weren't invited back so often in our house. With three kids and their associated friends, I really couldn't be doing with any additional amateur dramatics tacked onto the end of play dates.
They soon learned they couldn't do it here; oddly enough.

corythatwas · 12/05/2016 12:25

Not all hosts have cars. And if the playdate is only a short walk away there would be no reason to bring out a car. The way I saw it, I was responsible for getting my child out of the house, not the host's job.

I'm afraid I ended up like Floggingmolly, not very happy inviting the children over who regularly played up at home time and whose parents could not manage them. I did once or twice step in when I really had to, but felt embarrassed in front of their parent.

mammamic · 13/05/2016 04:23

Explain that if they can't behave properly on play dates - including home time, then they aren't old enough yet to go on play dates. And stick to it. Next play date invite, decline and explain it your son that he needs to show you he is ready for play dates. As son as he plays up on any plays dates - repeat that he won't be having any more as you thought he was ready but obviously isn't.

Only happened twice with my daughter - she got the message very quickly

herecomethepotatoes · 13/05/2016 06:40

He might not understand the instantness OP, but could a cancelled playdate be used in the future?

I haven't explained myself very well

Beofre a playdate you talk about the expected behaviour.

If they don't leave well then the next playdate is cancelled / not accepted.

next playdate, "now remember that the last time you x/y/z, you weren't able to go to Jonny's house were you. Will you behave properly when it's time to go home. I know you love going to your friend's houses..."

The 'unaccepted' playdate doesn't even have to be real. Could just ask another parent to play along and offer the playdate in front of your child and you turn it down.

Probably a little old fashioned but I did it and it worked for my then 4 year old. He was only silly once, next date cancelled, never happened again.

herecomethepotatoes · 13/05/2016 06:42

As I read my post back, I wondered if I'd been overly harsh. Pleased mammamic used the same method as me!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/05/2016 09:29

herecomes - no, definitely NOT "overly harsh!" Sensible.

LieInsAreExtinct · 13/05/2016 10:56

I do think the host parent should be firm. Doesn't help if they are chuckling and saying it's fine, don't worry about it... My neighbour is very good at kicking my son out. She just says, "You've got to go now, because I need to do x. If you don't go, you won't be able to come back, will you?" I am comfortable with this. However could beore awkward if you don't know the other parents so well.

OptimisticSix · 13/05/2016 12:22

Sounds normal to me, I usually counter with an "if you can't say goodbye sensibly you won't ever be invited back" seems to help... My 6 year old and her best friend can't even say goodbye at the end of the school day without a carry on, drives me and her mum bonkers!

DailyMailShite · 13/05/2016 12:41

I'd physically carry the child out, tell him off and give him a punishment consequence of some sort. If he had been really bad I might suggest he apologise to the host mum when he next met her.

OP, are you doing a short sharp exit or are you dragging it out, I wouldn't do too much of a countdown. I tell them we are leaving soon and tell them they have to tidy up. I would be very clear this wasn't a request and that there would be no extensions. I'd be really cross if they didn't clean up.

I did a lot of role play with my DC. I'd let them tell me what they think acceptable behaviour would be when they are asked to leave. So, for example, on the way to a play date I'd ask the to tell me what they should do when I tell them to get ready. Then when they give their answers I would ask them what they think the host would think of them if they behaved nicely etc etc . I think I just bored them into submission.

I wouldn't invite naughty kids to my house more than once. My kids had plenty of well behaved friends so I couldn't be bothered to have the naughty kids come over. I remember one boy who literally refused to help clear up. Even my kids were outraged.

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