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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be so anxious about my dad's wedding due to DS2?

16 replies

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 08/05/2016 10:59

My dad is getting married in June. I'm a bridesmaid and I have 3 boys who will be going too. They aren't part of the actual ceremony but they will be there anyway. My dad really wants them to be there.

I'm so nervous and anxious because of DS2 who is 3. He has suspected asd and I just know it will not be plain sailing with him on the day, more than with the average little child who doesn't have autistic tendencies. Unfamiliar environment, lots of people he doesn't know, clothes that he will not want to wear, having to sit down quietly, not to mention it being such a long day. There will be many people who don't know him and i worry that they will right him off as just being out of control and naughty.

Has anyone else attended a wedding with their child who has Autism? How did your child cope and what did you do to help them through the day?

OP posts:
Original poster
CantWaitForWarmWeather · 08/05/2016 11:01

*write him off. Not right him off.
DUH.

OP posts:
EveOnline2016 · 08/05/2016 11:09

Pack some normal clothes, after the photo are done then get him changed.

Ear defenders ( if he will wear them) will reduce noise around him.

My own wedding with ds I carried him down the isle.

gingergenie · 08/05/2016 11:13

I recently attended a wedding where the page boy had suspected ASD. Family and friends knew and although he found it difficult everyone was v supportive and any behavioural issues and meltdowns were handled with sensitivity, tact and great care. My eldest is has ASD and I used to feel like this too. I'm sure everyone will be very supportive x

Original poster
CantWaitForWarmWeather · 08/05/2016 11:13

Yeah I'll pack some normal clothes. I was actually considering taking the iPad!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 08/05/2016 11:13

I'd let him wear whatever he wanted. Or could you introduce the wedding clothes now and let him wear them until he's used to them?

It'll only be the time you're actually walking down the aisle and having photos taken that he can't sit with you, won't it?

Original poster
CantWaitForWarmWeather · 08/05/2016 11:15

Thanks ginger that's really reassuring. My dad's fiance's sister has a son with Autism and he is now 19. So that side of the family are very familiar with it too and very understanding.

OP posts:
Original poster
CantWaitForWarmWeather · 08/05/2016 11:17

Imperial Yes those will be the only times he can't sit with me. I might even have to give the top table a miss so I can sit with him during the meal.

OP posts:
Thelastegg · 08/05/2016 11:23

What about his Dad won't he be with him during the meal?

honkinghaddock · 08/05/2016 11:25

Appoint someone he knows to sit with him and look after him during the times you can't. Let him have anything that will keep him quiet during the ceremony. Check out if there are any quiet spaces he can go to. If he is still an occasional buggy user then have it there.

honkinghaddock · 08/05/2016 11:28

Make sure there is food there you know he will eat. I would take snacks anyway.

tabulahrasa · 08/05/2016 11:34

My DS was older, but at my sister's wedding, he was in formal clothes for the service and literally 2 photos, then he changed into his trainers (he was mostly bothered about his shoes rather than anything else) and took off some of the other stuff.

The photographer wasn't impressed that he was only in 2 photos, but me and my sister had decided that was what was happening and told DS, so that was what happened.

The rest of it was fairly casual and relaxed so there weren't many issues..

But if there'll be a full on top table seating plan type meal (which I'm guessing there is as you've already mentioned the top table) get them to put him somewhere out of the way.

I'd maybe think about scheduling little breaks outside for him where you can take him outside to run about for ten minutes and let off some steam.

For the evening bit, check where the speakers are, I've been caught out by that before.

And if the iPad will keep him happy, take it.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/05/2016 11:45

I agree with taking the iPad - anything that will help.
Plus, definitely take plenty of snacks you know he likes, in case he turns his nose up at the food. I always took Marmite sandwiches on planes, just in case.

tabulahrasa · 08/05/2016 11:51

Oh yes, food...I helped pick the children's food at my sister's wedding, lol

If it's not an option to get to pick something you know he'll definitely eat (and food is an issue, it's not always of course) then yes, take food.

MerrilySlidingAway · 08/05/2016 12:03

You need to forget other people and think around your sons needs, it's the only way you'll all be able to enjoy yourself.

For wedding clothes i'd just go for smart casual, ie linen.shorts ad shirt / tshirt if he'll tolerate it. Take the ipad and everything else that's needed to keep him calm. Leave at times if necessary (( I once ended up walking around B&Q for an hour when I was at a party ))

Things will all fall into.place, but only if you take his lead.

Pomtastic · 08/05/2016 12:11

Dd (just 4 with ASD) likes to watch programmes/videos about new things to help her feel less anxious - if that's the case for your DS then this might help a tiny bit (BBC childrens' series on doing things for the first time; this one's about a wedding :) ) - www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b074gg4v/my-first-8-wedding

FeckOfffCup · 08/05/2016 12:15

iPad with headphones - I definitely would. He can even watch it during the ceremony.

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