Hi, I do not think I am being unreasonable but my partner thinks I am so I'd like some opinions of people who don't know us please.
Been together 6 years and have a small baby who was not planned but is very much loved by us both.
We both work full time during the week and here's the problem - he spends a lot of time away at weekends with hobbies and seeing family and friends - just says "this is what I'm doing this weekend" and off he goes whilst I am left here alone with my child from a previous relationship and our baby then on his return, which is whenever he chooses, is very happy to see baby and play with her and look after her but I feel very much like he hasn't missed me and only comes back at all for the baby.
He's been having so much fun on these busy weekends away that he falls asleep early the night he comes back and hardly ever wants sex, which I find upsetting.
I really miss him and would love to feel that he has missed me and wants sex with me.
Feel like he doesn't love me.
I've told him many times to no avail.
A couple of weekends ago i lost it when he just went off with a friend and forgot that we had plans. I was so looking forward to finally having a day together, it was a culmination of previous times I've been left to cope alone and when he did turn up I lost my temper, slammed a door and shouted at him that I wasn't putting up with it any more.
He thinks I am being unreasonable, he says doesn't like me when I'm unpleasant and angry and a controlling horrible person.
I stress him out - but his behaviour stresses me out!
I've found myself apologising though i don't think I'm in the wrong here because he was thinking of leaving me unless I basically become a different person, one who will just put up with his shoddy treatment of me without complaint. If I do that then all is well.
I'm so upset I ask is for a bit of consideration and love to be shown.
I don't expect him here all the time, don't mind him seeing friends and family at all.
i just want a simple life with a man who might well go away but comes back when he says he will, tells me he's missed me and makes me feel loved.
Staying awake for sex once in a while might help too.
He never tells me he loves me although when I ask he says he does.
I feel so unloved, I'm just a nuisance.
Feel like he doesn't love me, doesn't fancy me and doesn't consider my feelings.
He just cannot see it at all. Doesn't think there's anything wrong with him.
Who's unreasonable? Me for expecting to be a priority and feel loved or him for expecting to just come and go as he pleases without consulting me?
Was I justified in losing my temper and how do we move forward if we both think the other is at fault??
AIBU?
Aibu to think I should not be the one who is apologising?
Coulditbeme · 07/05/2016 18:29
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I had a very similar relationship (bloke also in his 40's), and I'm afraid there was no happy ending. I think some people believe that they love their partner, but it only goes so far, and they just cannot grasp that this would involve changing anything in their lifestyle; whereas a lot of us would move heaven and earth to be with the one we love, they just don't 'get it'. When I tried to talk to my ex about spending very little time with me, and often being aggressive or mean, he would point out the specific incidents when we'd spent pleasant time together (generally half a day every month or so), and seemed to genuinely believe that he had proved my point completely wrong - sometimes there just isn't middle ground to have the discussion on :-(.
I think it's to do with not being much good at putting themselves in someone else's shoes. If you could get him to see a counsellor with you, they might be able to explain it to him as a third party, but I have a feeling he wouldn't be keen? If not, you might find it useful to go for some counselling on your own, to get things straight in your mind and decide what you want for yourself and your children? So sorry you're having to go through all this 
to you OP.
I can imagine it's really painful but honestly, he has just done you an enormous favour.
For sure he is projecting!
You can do soooo much better.
Please please please make sure he pays maintenance as of now! I didn't with my ex and the longer I let him get away with not paying the harder it was for me to make him. Do it through CMS. And also he should still be caring for his DC regularly in his home. Let him step up and parent for a change. 
I think you are entirely correct in your assessment. He thinks he can just pick up and put down the baby on a whim, if you're "friends".
I strongly advise figuring out what contact schedule would suit you and sticking to it like glue. At least there's no overnights with a small baby. But even with days out with him he'll no doubt be reluctant to let the baby interfere with his weekends.
Be wary of him wanting to "just drop in" during the week when it suits him to coo at the baby for an hour, do sweet fuck all parenting, and then hand it back and trot off merrily. Fuck that.
If you're going to be painted as "unreasonable " 
then at least be unreasonable for the baby!
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