To expect Mum to pay up after 4YO child scratched every panel on our car

[LupoLoopy]

Context: My wife works at a nursery school as an assistant.. Her car was parked in the staff car park, which the kids egress though when they leave, under parental supervision.

During lunch time pick-up, one of the departing 4 year old's took a rock and scratched every panel and light fixture on her car, all whilst his Mum was standing within 6M of the car, chatting to a friend.

The incident was captured on CCTV.

The cost of a proper repair is so close to the value of the car, I fear it being written off, which is something we could afford but would hurt us a lot financially.

Although the damage is only cosmetic, the car was pristine before the incident (I'm a fussy sod who takes good care of his stuff) and I don't see why we should tolerate driving a 'shed' around 'for the children'.

We're trying to seek restitution from the School's insurance (if it will cover it) but to cover our butts, we've reported the incident to the police (so and official record exists) and reported it to our insurer.

If we have to use our car insurance AND we're fortunate enough to not have the car written off, it's going to tank my partners insurance premiums.

Frankly, I want to encourage the police to be fully involved and start proceedings immediately for civil action via the small claims court. I just dont think I can have confidence that Mum is going to be wired in the same way I am - i.e. it's her liability and don't see why we should be financially crippled by her parental inattention.

AIBU?

Myinlaws
we had a car claim that was not our fault last year, we have protected no claims bonus and the other company paid out in full, yet our insurance still went up by 30%, the only reason they gave was because we put in a claim last year. Needless to say we went somewhere else this year and saved £200

People express themselves in all sorts of ways.

When people make snide remarks about spelling and grammar the expectation is that they confine themselves to content, not style. I think the same should apply here.

The OP has been subjected to projection and unfounded judgement and has at least refrained from personal attack.

I agree with Sooty on this one.

If I said "DH and I are considering whether he can keep his job as he's effectively working for nothing because of commuting costs, and my salary is subsidising extra costs around it too", no one would blink ... except perhaps to warn about "cocklodgers" who don't pay their way.

And how offensive is it to take someone to task for writing logically? Some people just have a "managerial" tone, and he'd have been just as lambasted if he was chatty and put smileys around the place. Ridiculousness.

That was the same as us bruffin, dh has 17 years protected no claims, we went elsewhere also, and our cheapest quote was still £40 a year more... however as me and dh said, it could have been worse.

My 5 year old scratched a neighbours car, no cctv proof & we paid & were took for mugs ! Said neighbour even hired a courtesy car while scratch was repaired for half day !! Cost over £600 ! Luckily it was covered under liability on our house insurance but I wouldn't admit liability again unless they could prove it

You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. I would be absolutely raging. What car you have has no bearing on this situation, be it an old car or a Ferrari, the child has ruined your vehicle, confront the mother in a meeting and involve the nursery. Ask her for the money to repair your car and make it clear you will proceed through the court if she doesn't pay up. Perhaps then she will keep her arsehole of a kid under control and stop it from doing this to someone else. A four year old should absolutely know not to do that to a car- and the parent is negligent in allowing it to happen.
I would however try using a decent car polish and try and remove as much of the scratching as possible.

Good luck

Disgusting example of parenting! The mother should be completely ashamed- I wonder if she would've owned up to the damage if it hadn't been caught on CCTV? Definitely go through insurance as if you don't you might not get the money as I doubt this is a reliable parent. In no way at all should you be expected to drive around with a damaged car- that parent was responsible for her child at the time and didn't perform her duty. Don't in any way feel bad or cave in. Regardless of who caused the damage it needs to be put right so please put feelings aside and think with your head.
Good luck! Xx

Glad I'm not alone in my thinking.

The OP has pointed out he needed to get a reference number from the police.

And no time has he said he wants the child distressed or the mother subjected to a long term payout. He doesn't sound personally vindictive bit understandably annoyed.

He also repeatedly and politely refuted suggestions that he is abusive to his wife.

Why do you think the school were at fault?
They weren't necessarily. They do however chose to use the staff car park for egress/ingress. This is a factor in the incident

Why do you think your insurance company aren't going to take into account the information you have provided them with when calculating your premium for next year?
They probably will, but hopefully the impact would be less than a £Xk claim?

Do the children exit through the car park every day?
Yep. They do. On a tangent, my wife sprained her ankle a number of years ago preventing a 'runnner' making it to the road. It's not an ideal situation by anyones imagination

Has any other car in the car park ever been damaged in the same way as yours before - I'd stratched all over every panel with a stone ?
Not to my knowledge. My focus is understandably on our vehicle history

His tone has got my back yo, but I think he is expressing himself in an overly management style for a forum like this
Good to know. First post on a forum like this and certainly the first time I've had to enter such passioned discourse on a public forum, hence me probably getting the etiquette wrong

Selective quoting is just fantastic, isn't it?
Totes. Certainly havent done it by intent. Like I said, it's a big thread and I'm certainly finding it hard to process :)

I would be bloody furious and going after the mother.... It's a different story slightly if she wasn't there etc... But as she was there and chatting away surely she's legally and morally responsible?

If your wife had keyed her car she'd be had up for criminal damage, she is responsible at least to some extent for her DD. as soon as she noticed the child was using a rock on the car she should have removed herself and the child from the playground/pickup point and resumed her chat with the friend another time.

Yet another example in my opinion of entitled parenting, possibly spirited kids, and PFB syndrome. Makes me so .

Yeah. What you're saying makes sense. Better to focus on the union cover and the house insurance avenues then and ask for adjustments in terms of access/staff presence.

If some of the scratches aren't too deep would T-cut be able to get them out? We used it to repair some scratches on our car door and it worked really well.

Why not just let go of all this, buff out what you can and drive it scratched? Do you really want to waste spend a year of your life stressed and demanding/persuing recompense? Honestly - let it go.

Good link. Hoo-bloody-ray, we're with Admiral too

"Glad i wasnt with your insurance company then Tensionwheels can we have the name so nobody on this thread uses them in future."

Any insurance company would be the same. Have you actually dealt with one? They are not in the habit of paying out when they don't have to.

E.g.,

" If following an accident someone dies, is injured, falls ill or has their property damaged anywhere in the world, during the period of insurance, we will cover the legal liability of you or your family"

Key phrase:
"we will cover the legal liability".

In this case there is no legal liability, because a 4-year-old is not liable in civil law.

Insurers don't work with 'moral liability', just legal.

Why should he let it go?

He doesn't have to let anything go. Perfectly entitled to pursue it - legally and morally. Just suggesting that he/they might be happier long turn if they did.

My parents live in a cottage, single glazed windows, 2 eight year olds thought it great fun to throw stones at all of the front windows, smashing them, police involved, by law under 10 years old, they won't prosecute child nor parents, just a ticking off. ( I do know that the parents went made at them tho!)
Best to find a panel beater, have the scratches fixed, unless the scratches are really deep, the garage should be able to make it look like brand new.
If the mother isn't in a financial position to pay all at once, maybe she can pay something weekly, then you can still chat to her, as although she was negligent, I bet she is so sorry.
Best of luck on this one.

@BarbarianMum very good point and rest assured, should the quotes be nowhere near write off threshold come Monday, I will be subscribing to that exact philosophy.

Why not just let go of all this, buff out what you can and drive it scratched? Do you really want to waste spend a year of your life stressed and demanding/persuing recompense? Honestly - let it go

This surely wins todays prize for most ridiculous comment on the entire www

TBH I'm quite appalled at how the OP has been labelled as some bastard of a husband because him AND his wife are considering whether her job is financially viable! How many times do you see posts saying 'it's not worth me returning to work because of childcare/fuel/time costs' yet because this guy is saying it's a consideration (and his wife agrees), he's being lynched. OP you sound totally reasonable.
Wait until you get the quotes, have a meeting with the mum and school and take it from there. Mum will either be appalled and cough up, or say she can't afford it and it's not a 4 year olds fault. Until you have that conversation, we can only speculate. But YANBU. If it were my or my husbands car I would feel exactly the same. Just because people take pride in different things, doesn't make them 'precious' or 'milking it'