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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you how much money ito give as a wedding gift??

26 replies

silversaucer · 07/05/2016 12:33

I know everyone's circumstances are different so what you may do could be different to the next person but I have no idea what the etiquette is for this type of thing as don't go to many weddings!

My nephew is getting married in June and we got the wedding poem for money and no gifts in the invitation.

I'm currently on maternity pay so we're feeling the pinch.. Is there a right or wrong amount to give??

OP posts:
yomellamoHelly · 07/05/2016 12:34

£20-£30. Is what we'd spend on a gift.

NickNacks · 07/05/2016 12:34

We usually give £50 to most. Last wedding was my sister in law's and we gave them £100.

MissMoo22 · 07/05/2016 12:35

The norm round here is £50 minimum. Quite a lot when you're feeling the pinch when you consider other expenses like travel, childcare, new clothes etc.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 07/05/2016 12:37

What ever you want and what ever you can afford.

There is not nor has there ever been a set acceptable amount and it would not be possible to have one.

HowLongTillTippingPoint · 07/05/2016 12:38

See I'd only give something like £10 because that's all I could afford.

Oysterbabe · 07/05/2016 12:39

We always do £50.
At our wedding that is also what most guests gave.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 07/05/2016 12:39

There is no formal etiquette. Sometimes I wish there was. I go by a formula: whether I'm being invited to the ceremony or not/how close they are to me/what I can afford. I halve it if the card asks for money rather than a gift. Since when did the couple getting married be the ones deciding on what they get? I think it's a bloody cheek!

Oysterbabe · 07/05/2016 12:40

But agree there is no right or wrong amount.

Original poster
silversaucer · 07/05/2016 12:46

The problem I have is that they haven't been very grateful in the past so giving them what I had originally planned (£50) sticks in my throat a little because it's a stretch for us at the moment. We've spent a lot of them in the past with gifts for their new house, new baby then subsequent birthdays and Christmases for their child, their significant birthdays and their engagement and I can't remember ever getting a thanks..

They, and his parents (my brother), are quite pass remarkable about what they get (or don't) as gifts so I'm sure it'll be frowned upon if we don't give very much.

OP posts:
RaeSkywalker · 07/05/2016 12:47

We decide based on:
-How close we are to the couple
-If we are in the wedding party
-If it's a day invite or evening only
-Our financial situation at the time
-Other costs associated with the wedding (hotels, stag and hen, etc)

As a ball park- for close friends who invite us to the day, £30-£40. I gave a friend I was bridesmaid for £50. We went to a lavish wedding at the other end of the country and gave £20 because of the travel and hotel costs. We also gave £20 when DH was a best man a couple of years ago- because the stag and hen cost us £500, we had to pay for a hotel which was another £100, and take 3 days off work to 'help' the couple.

For our wedding we were given anything from £0 (which we were fine with, we just wanted people there and several of our friends are struggling financially at the moment) to £300 (totally unexpected, from a very generous relative). I'd say the average was £20-£30.

If you don't want to give money then a bottle of wine is absoloutely fine. Or a nice card.

user1456925105 · 07/05/2016 12:49

Twee poem (telling) asking for cash in my house results in us not going and not giving anything. If no poem was included, depending on who they are/how close/our own financial circumstances etc anything between €50-€250 would have gladly been given to the happy (non grabby) couple. Grabby gits get nothing.

RaeSkywalker · 07/05/2016 12:49

Just saw your latest post: don't give them £50. It will stretch you financially and they don't sound grateful!

MNetter15 · 07/05/2016 12:52

My dh is Irish, where it's normal to give up to €250 to family and €150-200 to friends. We used to do it a few years ago, before we got sense but now give maybe €50-€100 and/or a gift, although this is partly due to the fact that DH has attended weddings without me, since we have had our babies.

When we got married, we got lots of cards with nothing in them, to 2 with €1000 from family Shock

Flossyfloof · 07/05/2016 12:55

Don't give them anything. They will probably have a postbox in the venue; if they ask, say you popped £500 in an envelope and posted it in there.

Original poster
silversaucer · 07/05/2016 12:55

I asked DH what he thought we should give before I told him what I thought and he said £30, I felt that was quite cheap as we'd given that same amount to a work colleague of his where we only went to the evening reception! Although we were in a better financial position back then...

OP posts:
LaurieLemons · 07/05/2016 12:56

Blimey had no idea the etiquette was £50, between all the guests that could practically fund the wedding!Grin I've given £20 in the past, I wouldn't give £50 in your circumstances.

I don't think it's grabby, it's normal to buy a gift anyway just saves buying a photoframe that's never getting used.

Original poster
silversaucer · 07/05/2016 12:56

Gah! Bloody wedding politics!!

OP posts:
Original poster
silversaucer · 07/05/2016 12:57

I prefer a gift list!

OP posts:
GotALand · 07/05/2016 13:16

We would always give €200 as a couple - maybe 50/100 extra if family.. It's considered the done thing (where I'm from, in Ireland) to cover the cost of your meal and a bit extra -that's not to say You should .. If you don't want to go - you shouldn't and really they should appreciate your presence if you do go. Gift how much you can afford and feels right - everyone has their own ideas.

GoEasyPudding · 07/05/2016 13:18

I love a gift list, haven't seen one for years!

Roussette · 07/05/2016 13:24

I haven't been to a "cash" wedding, have another family one this year and it's a wedding list which I like. I can choose the gift I want. Find it all a bit mercenary giving money TBH.

To give as much as 200-300 is just paying them for the reception in my mind.

BoGrainger · 07/05/2016 13:25

£100 for nieces and nephews (very close, love them all). £50 to friends when we were rich, probably £25 now. (Especially at our age when they are probably all on their 2nd or 3rd now)

RortyCrankle · 07/05/2016 14:18

I'm old fashioned and hate invitations asking for money - so bloody grabby. Personally I would buy them a bottle of champagne.

DangerousBeanz · 07/05/2016 14:23

I don't like giving money. I prefer to give a gift. Recently I've started giving gift cards for restaurants so the b&g can treat themselves to a meal out sometime on me. It's always been really appreciated. I'm totally skinny at the moment so usually about £40 for a couple of pizzas and a bottle of wine.

ShanghaiDiva · 07/05/2016 14:28

50 quid - but as they don't bother with any thank you notes or any acknowledgment then I would give 30.
Not thanking someone for a gift (text, email, letter, phone, in person) is one of my pet peeves.

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