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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send 3yo DS to nursery on his birthday?

36 replies

BasinHaircut · 06/05/2016 15:38

It's not a school nursery it's the sort you use while you go to work, so it's not like sending him to school on his birthday IYSWIM.

DH and I are fully capable of taking the day off and spending it with him but TBH it's in the school holidays and going anywhere like the zoo etc will be a proper ball ache as everywhere will be packed.

If he goes in to nursery they will make a fuss, I'll send in party bags and a cake and they have little parties on birthdays so he'll most likely have a great time.

I'll probably still take the day off so I can pick him up early and bring him home for presents and maybe get the grandparents over for tea too.

DH and I will probably take him somewhere a few weeks earlier as a birthday treat instead to avoid the holidays.

I feel guilty planning a day off in his birthday when he still has to go to nursery..... But he'll never know will he?

OP posts:

redskytonight · 06/05/2016 15:47

Totally fine to send a child in on their birthday.

A bit odd to take the day off yourself anyway!

newname64 · 06/05/2016 15:56

I too used to send DD to nursery on her birthday so she could be fussed over. I took half day from work to go home and prepare birthday tea for GP and other family members and pick then her up slightly earlier than normal.

Flisspaps · 06/05/2016 15:58

YANBU.

I booked DDs 4th birthday off work, and planned to take her out rather than send her to our lovely childminder.

She got very, very upset when I told her and I ended up booking her back into the childminder who made a big fuss of her and gave her a lovely party. I went to work

Ragwort · 06/05/2016 15:59

Of course you should send him in, why on earth not?

I would think it slightly odd precious if one of my colleagues asked for a day off to celebrate a child's birthday.

Why are you feeling guilty - most people celebrate birthdays at the weekends - or on days they aren't working, at school, in hospital or wherever.

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 06/05/2016 16:01

red I'd only take it off because otherwise he wouldn't get picked up until 6pm and would be a bit late to arrange anything with the GP for the evening.

OP posts:

Nefney14 · 06/05/2016 16:07

Ragwort why is it precious to take a day off for your child's birthday? I take off both DC, mine and DH's birthday so we can have family time isn't that what annual leave is for?

LittleLionMansMummy · 06/05/2016 16:09

I guess I'm a bit odd then, seeing as before he started proper school I'd take the day off to spend with ds on his birthday. It's annual leave, to spend as I wish!

But no op, of course yanbu to send him in and have a lovely time with his nursery friends!

Kn33 · 06/05/2016 16:15

I don't think it's weird to take the day off. We take a week off for each birthday - mine DD and DP
Although I work shifts that mean a week off uses hardly any holiday days and DP has massive amounts of holiday so it's just become somewhat of a tradition
Wouldnt send her to nursery on her actual birthday though, but that's me being a clingy sentimental git

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 06/05/2016 16:28

You'd think that I'm precious then as I've never worked on my own birthday!

I just think that if we 'do' his birthday another day and let him go to nursery on the actual day that he would get the best of both worlds. But it does leave me feeling slightly guilty that he would be at nursery on his birthday when he could be with us.

OP posts:

Keely93 · 06/05/2016 16:40

My daughter goes to nursery and will be 3 soon, I'm sending a cake and lucky bags in, I know she'll enjoy the fuss and I know she loves nursery, it's not like I won't see her at all all day! Send him, I'm sure he'll love it!

peppatax · 06/05/2016 16:44

I'm on the other side - I'd take him out and spend it as a family day even if you don't do anything /go anywhere 'special'. Bit sad now DD is at school on her birthday.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 06/05/2016 16:52

But why, if you are taking the day off anyway, don't you spend it with your son?

You don't have to take him somewhere busy. You can make it special for him just pottering around the house and going to the park.

I think you're missing the opportunity to have a lovely day with him on his actual birthday.

Xmasbaby11 · 06/05/2016 16:57

Dd went to nursery for her first, second and third birthdays because I was at work.

Why would you send him to nursery if you've got the day off, though?

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 06/05/2016 16:58

kondo maybe it's because DS is going through a 'difficult' phase and pottering about days are not fun!

The thought of just taking him to the park on his birthday makes me feel worse than sending him to nursery.

We have a special day out planned but just won't do it on his actual birthday because it will be too busy to be enjoyable.

OP posts:

vvviola · 06/05/2016 16:58

Both my DC have birthday's in the school holidays. DD1 threw a full on strop last year (to be fair to her, she was 7 and there was a lot of drama going on in the family due to DM having a stroke) because she wouldn't ever get to be spoiled at school on her birthday and get no homework

In your case, I'd send him in, take a half day from work and collect him early - best of all worlds.

Xmasbaby11 · 06/05/2016 16:59

If it's too busy to go anywhere special you can just go to the park etc.

lalalalyra · 06/05/2016 17:02

As a child whose birthday was always in the holidays I'd send him to nursery. He'll love the fuss they make and then he can do something nice with you and gps as well.

Can you take a half day if you feel too guilty? Then he gets spoilt at nursery and then an early home with you?

harshbuttrue1980 · 06/05/2016 17:19

YANBU to have to work on his birthday and to put him in nursery. There seems to be something a bit cold though about taking the day off and putting him in nursery though - surely nurseries are for when you are at work, and when you've got a holiday you want to see your child?

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 06/05/2016 17:32

Things must be very difficult for you when a trip to the park with your ds makes you tense. I think that must be really sad for both of you.

I know toddlers can be hard work and push all your buttons but I think you need to be more proactive about dealing with that anxiety and/ or his behaviour (depending on what's happening) than putting him in nursery so you can avoid feeling that way.

Do you spend much time alone with him or is it often alongside dh and grandparents? If it's that you're avoiding spending long amounts of time alone with him, I think you need more support and this might be a bigger issue than where he spends his birthday.

I hope that doesn't come across bitchy

HSMMaCM · 06/05/2016 17:48

Most of the children I care for come on their birthdays. They generally get upset if they don't party with their friends on their special day. We have cake and balloons and sing happy birthday etc. They are often (but not always) collected early for a family birthday tea. You could do that?

Xmasbaby11 · 06/05/2016 17:54

Having read your update Yanbu. Before I had kids I couldn't imagine having a day off work without spending it with my child, but actually, time to yourself is golden when you have young dc. And time with your oh. Our dc are 2 and 4. If we didn't use 2 days of annual leave a year to spend together, leaving dc in nursery, we would never have any daytime together, just short evenings when we're already tired.

Dd1 was quite hard work when she was 2 and 3 so I can imagine that you must be feeling drained.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 06/05/2016 18:10

I genuinely can't fathom why anyone would feel guilty for not taking time off for a birthday. Especially as he's turning three so will only have the haziest idea that it's not just a normal day.

Do something on the next available day. It's what everyone does!

DeadGood · 06/05/2016 18:57

Kondo - your post does come across as bitchy, and the OP doesn't have problems. She just has a spirited child that she'd like a break from.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 06/05/2016 19:26

Fine, it was meant well. The OP can ignore me if I'm off track.

PenelopeChipShop · 06/05/2016 19:47

You know your son best OP, if you honestly think he'll have a nice time at nursery then send him! I'd probably still pick up early though so he gets a special fuss with you too.

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