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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex bit ds

34 replies

Aroundcoffeetable · 30/04/2016 13:07

My son is 2 and is spending the day with his daddy. He was running around with his brother and got overexcited and bit his dad's jumper, unfortunately catching skin at the same time, the ex instantly grabbed the 2 year olds arm and bit him back, he's just spent 5 minutes crying and has a red mark. Not acceptable is it?

OP posts:
RonniePickering · 30/04/2016 13:09

Is it fuck!!

Whitedoor · 30/04/2016 13:09

Omg no! Absolutely not acceptable; cruel and frightening.

Whitedoor · 30/04/2016 13:09

I would remove him.

Lunar1 · 30/04/2016 13:10

Bloody hell, not OK at all. Did you see it? If that was my ds the only way he'd see him again would be through a court order.

HonkHonkNose · 30/04/2016 13:10

Definitely not acceptable.

ImperialBlether · 30/04/2016 13:11

Are you there with them now? If so, pick up your son and both of you leave the house.

Original poster
Aroundcoffeetable · 30/04/2016 13:11

Yes, I saw it happen :(

OP posts:
BathshebaDarkstone · 30/04/2016 13:12

YADDDDDDDDNBU! Shock

Sirona · 30/04/2016 13:13

Bloody hell, not acceptable at all and I say that as a mum of a biter.

It used to be the done thing to do though. No an excuse but was he raised thinking that was acceptable? My mum sometimes harks on that it worked when my cousin bit me and her mum bit her back Hmm

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 30/04/2016 13:26

No that's definitely not acceptable! Shock

ChewyGiraffe · 30/04/2016 13:50

No of course it's not f*cking acceptable!

Even if it was supposed to 'teach' your 2 year old not to bite (or hit, or whatever). How on earth does that work exactly? I mean, how is your ex demonstrating the behaviour he disapproves of, supposed to make your DS never do it again? Its just a vindictive assault. Your ex is supposed to be a role model. Frankly I'd be restricting/removing contact if I could.

biptinthebud · 30/04/2016 13:51

I don't think it's the right approach either as pp said.

But I have come across another mum who said it's what she dd with her son and she said it was fairly widely accepted when she was young in Brazil I think

attheendoftheday · 30/04/2016 15:25

That's really bad imo and I would only allow closely supervised contact (contact centre?) in future. Also should be reported to the police as an assault.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/04/2016 15:27

Not acceptable, I would take photos, and withhold contact for the time being, phone up NSPCC for advice.

InTheBox · 30/04/2016 15:29

Gather the children and leave. That is beyond abhorrent. That is abuse.

funniestWins · 30/04/2016 15:44

OP What do you mean by a red mark? It was common when I was growing up. Smacking etc isn't the 'done thing' anymore but don't get carried away by what you're being told here. How is their father usually?

Calling the NSPCC / gather the children and leave / contact centres / call the police for assault!

Really?

TheCatsMeow · 30/04/2016 15:46

What the fuck? Not acceptable. My son bites and if anyone bit him back (adult) I would be fuming

twelly · 30/04/2016 15:58

Whilst it might not be what many people do it is accepted by many as ok - parenting styles vary. Also there is a instant response when something hurts you to respond. I do not think that this incident should be blown up or escalated.

TheCatsMeow · 30/04/2016 16:03

Why is this even a thing that is accepted?!

BlackeyedSusan · 30/04/2016 16:07

I have heard people recommending biting back, so some people think it is acceptable. Shock

JennyOnAPlate · 30/04/2016 16:40

Not acceptable no, but I think it's quite common. I know a couple of mothers who have admitted to doing this.

Pinkheart5915 · 30/04/2016 16:42

Absolutely not acceptable Shock
I bet his a top dad NOT!!

Alexa444 · 30/04/2016 16:50

FFS. He is two. I mean it used to be the done thing and tbf it did work. I wouldn't do it myself but I don't think worse of those who have resorted to it. I was never a biter but if I had been, that would have been where it got me. My step-brother got bitten back by his mum and it didn't do him a jot of harm (certainly didn't leave a mark) but did nix the biting. However he was 7 and really old enough to know better. This kid is two. What good does it do when he is actually too young to understand the correlation? They don't exactly empathise at two. If you said he'd had a smacked bum for it, I'd think nothing of it and it's exactly what mine would get after enough warnings of "No we don't bite, it hurts!" but he is only a toddler. He doesn't understand and learns nothing from it at this age so what is even the point?

NSPCC is somewhat of an over reaction and tbh I think they would laugh in your face but I would have a talk with him, after you have calmed down, about acceptable forms of discipline. The way he was disciplined as a child is not the same way you want to discipline your child now; times have changed. You guys need to be on the same page, especially if you no longer live together and if you don't address it now it will just end up in the whole "You're too soft on him/You're too harsh with him" row.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 30/04/2016 17:00

He's two. 2. He 'bit' by ACCIDENT.

I'd be livid.

I don't entirely disagree with resorting to biting them back if you have an older 'biter' that simply will not stop. I endured years of my brother biting me until one day, when he was about 8, my Nana could take no more and she bit him. I think words were had amongst the grown ups, but my Nana was the only one who ever had my back & not his. I don't recall him biting after that.

But a 2 yo who caught him by accident...what a prick. Can't think why he's an ex - you'll keep it that way if you've any sense.

flanjabelle · 30/04/2016 17:01

Take a photo of the mark. Now.