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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really pissed off at DS

96 replies

WalkingdeadWHAT · 29/04/2016 23:45

DS is 9. A really early riser, he gets up about 6am goes downstairs, washes/changes has breakfast and watches TV until we get up about 7.30.

We have Amazon prime. There is parental controls (pin lock) on anything over their age range. .We've had it for over two years and had no problems.

Was watching TV tonight and DP asked if I'm watching Walking Dead again. I said no, clicked on it (it was on the continue watching section), last episode watched was the middle of series 2 (we've watched to the end of series 6)

Turns out DS has been watching one episode each morning before we get up . Not just once but nearly to the middle of series 2.

He knows he isn't allowed. He's asked before and been told no way (after I stopped laughing). He's asked for the WD comics and been told no.

AIBU thinking he's in the wrong here?! DP thinks it's obvious he would try and watch it and I should have been more careful with the pin, which on reflection was pretty easy to crack. Am I being naive to think DS should be trusted and not made to stay in bed each morning until we get up because he might put a programme on he KNOWS he isn't allowed to watch?

OP posts:

Toffeelatteplease · 30/04/2016 07:13

I wouldn't punish him. I sit down and ask him what he thought about it and why he was watching it.

He won't tell you if he thinks he was going to be punished. He clearly has a bee in his bonnet about the show and as a parent I would like to know why.

Kids nowadays are one click away from difficult adult and inappropriate material, even with the best parental controls going it's at a friends house or a smart phone etc. What you want first and foremost is that they talk to you about is. I think what we should be trying to teach is self censorship. "No I don't agree with watching that because.....". That's mostly to do with thinking about what you have seen and how you feel about it.

You could punish clearly he has breached your trust but I think it is a more valuable opportunity than that.

Babynamechange · 30/04/2016 07:14

acasualobserver

Cagliostro · 30/04/2016 07:15

Glad it's not just me who wonders why the blame is being put on you rather than DH as well! Assuming he owns the telly/prime as well

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell · 30/04/2016 07:32

Agree with toffeelatte.

My DC are younger, but I try to find out why they thought it was acceptable to disobey, why they wanted to disobey, what they thought the rule was there for in the first place and why we have rules... Albeit in a slightly less worthy-sounding way!

If my DS wanted to watch forbidden 18-rated zombie movies by guessing a PIN and watching in secret when he's 9, I would be going through everything that's wrong with that, and there are a lot of things. I'd be thinking about security generally, too - what are your PINs like for bank cards? If he's willing to fraudulently use a guessed PIN to access media he wants, what's going to stop him trying to use your bank card or iTunes account?

I'd be pointing out what a massive breach of trust it is, and making sure he is now under constant supervision for a while. If that means he can't play football with his mates because you don't trust him, tough - although I might be tempted to just accompany him, I think having your mum going with you everywhere and explaining that you're not old enough to go out on your own might be a worse punishment than not being allowed out! Generally I try to guide my DC to conclusions/devising their own punishments where possible; not sure a 9yo with so little respect would even engage in the discussion but might be worth a try?

TheCatsMeow · 30/04/2016 07:34

Is it only me who'd be quite impressed by his stealth and quick thinking?

Furiosa · 30/04/2016 07:53

I kind of feel a bit sorry for him! He thought he was getting away with it but sadly rumbled.

You're absolutely right to stop him though, it's completely unsuitable however I don't think you can blame him too much. Change the PIN and use the opportunity to talk to him about rules and trust.

Heads up - the comics are far worse than the TV show so don't let him near those!

junebirthdaygirl · 30/04/2016 08:01

I think watching TV for over an hour every morning is not great. He maybe waking up early to get his TV time in and might go back to sleep if promise of exciting TV was not downstairs. Could you use this to change the plan. Maybe you are only talking about weekends but watching that much TV zombies or not wouldn't be great before school..

voxnihili · 30/04/2016 08:03

RoryHuntzberger - you don't necessarily need a stick for it. I was about to buy one for us but then discovered our TV has the app built in.

Original poster

WalkingdeadWHAT · 30/04/2016 08:03

Amazon prime is on an app on the TV, not a firestick.

Two boys in his class have the comics, I think that's where the obsession has come from!

OP posts:

LittleHouseOnTheShelf · 30/04/2016 08:10

He's 9. It's an 18 so I'm surprised at the poster who said to watch it with him.
Change the pin, remove the fire stick and take it with you to bed.
Our TV (not an expensive one) has built in parental controls which stop a lot of unsuitable programmes, so does Sky so perhaps you can use those?

Your DH needs to stop blaming you, he knew the PIN was not hard to guess and he didn't change it did he? It's down to both of you - and to your son.

Mandzi34 · 30/04/2016 08:11

This is just the sort of thing my 10 year old DS would do so I resorted to taking the remote controls to bed with me and letting him read until I got up.

chillycurtains · 30/04/2016 08:17

Both - you were naive. Being 9 is about pushing boundaries so an easy to crack PIN was foolish.

He was wrong for disobeying your instructions and you need to decide on the consquences for his actions. If you don't have any then he will learn a great lesson - if I outsmart mum and dad I can do what I want.

neonrainbow · 30/04/2016 08:23

Your kid is entirely in the wrong regardless of how easy the pin was to crack. Id come down hard on this for deliberately watching something i had said no to and for the complete lack of respect for my rules.

stupidgreatgrinonmyface · 30/04/2016 08:29

*RoryHuntzberger

If he's watching Amazon Prime on your telly then I've got to assume he's watching it off a Firestick as it doesn't come built in to TVs like Netflix does.*

It depends on the TV .It comes in the pre-loaded apps on our smart TV. It'so me of the reasons we went for the one we have .

Many years ago, before broadband, our internetw was charged by the minute so we limited the time we spent online .Our kids managed to crack the password and we're logging on early mornings, similar to your ds. When we foundo it, after a much higher than normal bill, we changed the password and they were banned from all online activities until they had paid back the money they had spent (from pocket money). They never did that again. It made dh and I much more careful when setting up the ppundit sky etc - truly random numbers so any 'cracking the code would be purely by chances once the numbers/words etc have no personal relevance at all (literally opened a book and stuck a pin in to find a word or counted the number of words/letters etc to get a number).
YANBU.

MiddleClassProblem · 30/04/2016 08:30

To those who think it's ok for a 9 year old to watch something like this, at this age although they know right from wrong, it's hard to relate emotionally to all the killings etc on screen. When you're a kid it's fun to kill things in make believe games or video games etc (even age appropriate games, my nephew used to kill horses in minecraft just for fun and who didn't love blowing up the odd lemming?). A normal adult we doesn't really do this. You understand the consequences and can understand the shocking feeling of being responsible for someone's death.
This is the reason people get all up in arms abou tv belong responsible for violent teens etc. Whether it is or isn't, I'm sure we can all understand that a kid doesn't process things the same way as and adult.

If you were to hide him for any gory bits... Well he would just want to watch people talking about which direction they're going to walk in so I guess it could work. Michonne isn't in it yet so you'd have to let him watch more for that reference!

If those kids at school have the comics, are they bringing them in or just talking about it? If the former, I would dob them in to the head teacher, if the later they may not even have them themselves, might belong to another family member and they looked at it once... If they do then that's just weird

stupidgreatgrinonmyface · 30/04/2016 08:32

Sorry about typos-on phone. Small keyboard big fingers.

BombadierFritz · 30/04/2016 08:35

I think i'd be quietly impressed by his ingenuity (middle of series 2!) And pissed off with dh for blaming me.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 30/04/2016 08:36

YANBU, obv, to be cross. However, this is v v normal behaviour. My ds1, at the same age, nicked my new smartphone early one morning before I'd changed the factory settings and googled and tried to buy some game or something (not really understanding how that would work) - a very abortive attempt, but I duly hit the roof and he duly learned. I know my kids would watch all sorts of inappropriate stuff - out of curiosity and naivety - given the chance, which is why I keep quite a tight rein on things, while allowing some freedom in safe arenas (eg they are allowed to watch Minecraft videos on YouTube while I am around). But whenever they want into the internet one of us has to put the password in, meaning they can't go online without us knowing they are.

I do agree with toffeelatte, though, about talking about what he has seen, what he thought of it, how it made him feel. He shouldn't be allowd to continue to watch, obviously, but she makes a good point about the way our kids are surrounded by media content and need to be taught reflection and discernment.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 30/04/2016 08:37

I suppose my kids could watch TWD in a safe environment because I have been to a zombie training camp and received instruction in proper use of riot shields, Kalashnikov target practice and combat experience.

But they are not watching it or GoT cos it is my tv not for them they can wait, it is too bloody and far too depressing. Talk about bleak.

BombadierFritz · 30/04/2016 08:38

I think ds had a few of the comics when he was about 10. I'm not all that fussed about that kind of thing. Otoh i discourage morpurgo and would never let them read holocaust stuff like the boy in the striped pyjamas. I cant stand real life violence or emotionally charged scenes. Zombies, meh

bigmouthstrikesagain · 30/04/2016 08:38

Disclaimer my "training" was in a hangar with a load of stag do groups and me and my friend.

Furiosa · 30/04/2016 08:43

BombadierFritz Did you have a look at the comics?

I'm shocked you wouldn't be fussed about a 10 year old reading them. They're horrific I'm thinking specifically about the capture, torture and rape of a main character.

The TV show looks like Sesame Street compared to the comics.

Birdsgottafly · 30/04/2016 08:44

I haven't seen it, so can't comment on this. I did let my youngest watch some things that were age rated older.

As for trusting him, you've got to take responsibility for PINs, Internet use and later on Phone usage.

Mine are all adults, now, but most children/teens do something like this, that they shouldn't.

It goes from the gore/scare factor, to sexual curiosity, then trying to impress friends/potential love interest.

MiddleClassProblem · 30/04/2016 08:44

TWD comics are not the same as normal comics. I've never seen superman spoiler alert possibly

smash someone's face in with a barbed wire covered bat and their eye pop out, then continue because they still weren't dead.

ecuse · 30/04/2016 08:47

Two separate issues here. 1) was it entirely foreseeable that he'd try to crack the PIN and watch the programme? Yes, of course! Like someone said, you'll laugh about it when he's older 2) do you have to sanction him? Yes, of course! But it'll be one of those ones you have to put your grown up stern face on for then have a good snigger when he's out of the room.

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