My name is not Barry

[sizeofalentil]

I'm sure I'm just being a cow here, but since I got married last week I've had several cards/letters addressed to 'Mrs Barry Sizeofalentil*'.

My name is not Barry - that's my husband's name. I didn't erase my full name and take his.

And it's not just wedding stuff - it's other letters etc, so not people trying to be cute.

Am I wrong to be slightly fucked off by this? The timing was quite poor - was telling husband I felt like my identity and old life was being slowly erased and then these came in the post.

*obvs a nc.

Dear Ms Yourfirstname Lentil,
If I promise NOT to call you Barry, Bazza or any other derivative of Barry, can I come round? I just luffs wine and cheese, and will bring my own crackers if required. Pleeeeeeease?

Barry is a great name.
Esp in Scotland, where it means just that
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Appendix:Glossary_of_Scottish_slang_and_jargon
Barry is pure barry.

Better than being called Jessie.

Return letters to sender with
Unknown at this address

It's not too late to NOT change your name Baz. Unfortunately, by doing so, you are encouraging this archaic sexist crap. Which gets worse after you have kids by the way. Much worse.

If you like your name, keep it. If you want to have the same name as your husband, why can't he change his? Mr Shelia Whatshername. What's not to like?

I think you could have some fun with it.

Order lovely things and blame it on Barry.
Likewise things you can't be arsed to do.

Barry would become my alter ego on which everything bad was blamed forevermore.

According to my experience, even if you don't change your name, it doesn't mean you won't be called Mrs Barry. The only this is that when I use my name and they call DH Mr Rosalie. But otherwise nobody cares what name and title you actually use, you are still called Mrs Barry 90% of the time.

There is a current 9 page thread about this very thing already running! It's got quite heated.

Personally I am old fashioned and like being Mrs DHInitial SharedSurname and, according to etiquette, it is the correct form of written address for a married woman (to use her own initial/forename implies divorce). I am okay with Mrs MyInitial SharedSurname but dislike being called Ms or Miss. Mind you I've been Mrs SharedSurname for 25 years which is longer than I was Miss MaidenName

Mrs is "wife of" so.....

When you write back to them sign your letters Mrs and Mr Sarah Lentil.

Ha, I only get letters to Mrs [Sonja'sbrother-in-law'sfullname] from my mum!! aaargh! Please don't change your name. I didn't, it was mine (well, ok my dad's, but I'd had it all my life) Lentil is lovely, lentil is you

I had a baby 8 months ago and people keep addressing me as Mrs Meow. That's my mums name, I am not married. It's causing great confusion with the post.

Congrats on your marriage!

YANBU at all.

But far worse is to come if you have kids as you're likely to lose your first name forever too, at least to those who address you most often. I'm sticking my heels in to be addressed by my name and avoid "MUMMMEEEEE!"

Ebearhug I thought France had equivalents, madame and madameioselle?
Or is one only used fr girls?

I changed my surname but I have never been called Barry. I just get Delacroix MyNewName. Like said, why would British Gas suddenly change your first name too?

Who is sending the letters? If it's elderly aunts... eh, let it go. The tradition will die with them. If it's your local library, your bank and the electricity company, then go and kick someone in the shin.

(I changed my name because his is nicer. Think going from "Scrudge" or "Guffbert" to something nice like, I dunno... Silverflower :D)

Couldn't have double-barrelled; they were oddly similar. Like Porter-Snorter. Dole-Cole.

Yeah it's rubbish. I've been stripped of my doctorate too since I got married. Apparently we're Dr and Mrs husbandsname. Everyone remembers his PhD but not mine (yes particularly you mil)

Can you start calling your husband Felicity just to balance things out?

Acrossthepond55- I hate those kind of 'my dh is useless' jokes, but I truly believe he would lose a child. He is very forgetful and a born panicker. If I were to wft and he was a sahp the child would grow up in a&e clinics ("should a baby poop this much?! I am unsure if he ate a pea - doesn't seem to be choking but thought I'd bring him in anyway. Can't remember if this one is our child - help" Etc) or by staff in supermarkets where it had been accidentally left . He'd be a great father in every other way, just not the main carer.

Re. Pregnancy - it's just all the examinations and blood tests and things I dread. I'd rather be like my cat and not tell anyone and give birth behind the radiator in secret. And the giving up cheese and shellfish bit. We've both agreed that in an ideal world dh would get pregnant and I'd raise it.

Science, please hurry up with this....

There's a thread about this at least daily

Oh I do this I'm only in my late 20s! I always address cards etc to Mr and Mrs (male initial) surname. I'm married and this doesn't bother me but I think the full name would

Well, just saying...but if you were a widow, you'd be addressed as Mrs sizeofalentil. No Barry, but your own first name. Not that you would contemplate murder for such a little thing, but...you know, just saying and everything...

Totally sympathise. Some of DH's relatives address me in this way on my birthday cards. Gives me the rage. How very fucking dare they

Wait til you have kids, Barry. You don't even get a name then you're just "mini Barry's mum". Anyway what are you doing having opinions? Honestly you'll be wanting the vote next!

Any decent woman would be proud to be thought of as Barry.

Brilliant!

I didn't change my name when I got married, so I don't have this issue. I never wanted to be Mrs, and it honestly didn't ever occur to me to change my name.

And there is no reason whatsoever for you to give up your career aspirations! Come on now, Barry. It's 2016.