AIBU to think you should be careful with your behaviour if you're a teacher out of hours and socialising with parents?

[SuperFlyHigh]

I have a friend who's a contract supply teacher in a large town. She teaches primary - mostly I think all ages but currently with 9-10 year old mostly. She's been there about 3 years.

She spoke to me recently at first it was oh it'll be ok but now she thinks it could be more serious...

When they broke up for Easter holidays she and her colleagues went to a local pub near school, they go to this pub a fair bit, weed is consumed etc. sometimes some of the parents visit the same pub. Normally this isn't a problem but on this occasion a dad got into a row with my friend after he came onto her and she rebuffed him. When she said no, he drunkenly made a threat about reporting her to the school as she'd had weed and also she said a bit of speed too. He also said her son (who is 10) had seen her go into the park opposite the school and come back stoned at lunchtime. She does go into the park at lunch especially if weather is nice but she doesn't generally smoke (sometimes though with a drink) but certainly not weed at lunchtime.

Anyway the dad threatened to tell on her for both times.

Of course it's now after Easter and as far as she knows there has been no talk from the parent, she hasn't even seen the dad at pickup times (she is not generally around at pickup but sometimes bumps into parents near gates etc), she is employed by an agency so she's thinks they would be in touch, or headmaster.

I've said maybe she should not partake in illegal drugs after work at pub near school if parents could be present... Just in case.

So AIBU to advise her to be more careful in future near school?

Billsykesdog as far as she told me it was just weed the speed was later. After the confrontation and of course she sounds like 15 - she's quite blasé about this which as I said I think she's foolish for being!

She's nuts. I'm a social worker and could be struck off for this. There are some jobs where you're never really off duty and teaching is one of them- she should choose a pub further away if this is how she wants to spend her time. Although tbh speed is a class A drug so if she's ever arrested for possession she will probably lose her teaching career anyway

I'm amazed a teacher has time to go to the park and lunchtime

and having a drink and a 'smoke' whilst there then coming back to teach is a stupid - very very stupid

I knew when I took a job in a local infant school that I was also taking on certain expectations re my behaviour. I go out often with friends and family and it's quite a small village. However, I've never been in a complete state and wouldn't ever get in one purely because I'd be horrified if parents of the children I teach saw me like it. It's a conscious choice your friend makes every single time she take drugs; the choice to put her needs above her job. She'll shoot herself in the foot eventually, you can bet on it.

Yes and the 10 yr old said he saw her, thefefore her colleagues on lunchtime duty would have seen her ??

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As a teacher, you are in loco parentis during school hours and probably some time either side of them.

She won't be a teacher much longer if it gets out. You don't do anything in public that may affect your professional reputation and most certainly never ever in school time. You don't befriend students on FB, you don't (generally) socialise with parents and you don't conduct yourself in a manner that wil bring the school into disrepute.

What you do in your own home is up to you I guess, but out and about, you just never know who will be around and ready to report you.

I come from a small community where teachers doctors etc have to socialise with parents and patients or never leave home. I'm all for them being relaxed and normal.

BUT - weed? And speed!?! In public??? Bloody hell!! that's just stupid. Really.

Similar to museumun.

I'm at an international school in a theoretically dry country - the only place for miles to 'unwind' is the golf club near school. Every Thursday afternoon it's full of teachers & parents getting merrily hammered & tactfully ignoring each other.

Illegal drugs, though, are strictly behind closed doors & would be a sackable offence.

Having said that, he doubt this chancer would do anything like an official complaint. & if he did, she'd only have to say he had sleazed over her in the pub & was making it up. Unless any of her colleagues felt like corroborating his story the worse that would happen over an unsubstantiated allegation about something that happened off site would be a quiet word being had ('don't socialise in parent-frequented pubs & sup up if one does wander in').

I'd take it as a wake up call about the public drugs, though. He might not tell school, but he will almost certainly tell all his mates...

Her behaviour could be construed by the Head and governors as contravention of the NUT code of professional ethics, '14. A teacher should not deliberately behave in such a way as to bring his or her school in disrepute. '

Tactfulcactus
"Her behaviour could be construed by the Head and governors as contravention of the NUT code of professional ethics, '14. A teacher should not deliberately behave in such a way as to bring his or her school in disrepute."

they would have to provide evidence of misconduct, and if they just believed a "cool" dad who was blackmailing a teacher because she wouldn't sleep with him they would have alsorts of issues to deal with.

The thing is though, if 'cool dad' made these allegations the school might well ask for a drugs test. Which would be positive. And refusal could be grounds for disciplinary action.

Even if it didn't get as far as disciplinary action it could well blight her career. If she's regularly smoking weed, drinking and sometimes taking harder drugs I doubt that the after effects will have gone entirely unoticed by senior staff up to this point anyway.

Having said that, he doubt this chancer would do anything like an official complaint. & if he did, she'd only have to say he had sleazed over her in the pub & was making it up. Unless any of her colleagues felt like corroborating his story the worse that would happen over an unsubstantiated allegation about something that happened off site would be a quiet word being had ('don't socialise in parent-frequented pubs & sup up if one does wander in').

I'd take it as a wake up call about the public drugs, though. He might not tell school, but he will almost certainly tell all his mates...

This exactly. She's had a scare and now needs to reign it in - take drugs in private or at least well away from the catchment area. But there is no way this can ever go fr as its just his word over hers.

I don't think the friend showed especially good judgment, but frankly I'm mostly amazed that she chose a place where she knew parents tend to go

Most teachers I've ever known avoid such venues like the plague, if only to dodge the endless questions about darling Tarquin's grades, etc, etc

BillSykesDog

I would be arguing for a better reason that than a sleezy arse that I turned down for sex reporting me.

Puzzled if you read my subsequent posts they said it was very rare to see parents there. However if it were me I'd go to next area not there.

ghostys I was shocked re lunchtime too but she is supply albeit contract and school right opp park. She wasn't drinking or smoking weed then, no one saw her do that all that was done after work.

Like I said I'll see her sometime soon this weekend and show her this thread which I presume she knows about re conduct of teachers and consequences and suggest she and her colleagues find another pub to go to!

She basically whatsapped me last night in a bit of a panic she hadn't heard anything etc from anyone but this has been playing on her mind. She was wondering if the dad had said anything but the head was biding his time or etc.

I think she's daft taking drugs now anyway I certainly don't anymore not done so for years it is so not worth it!

She does need to be much more careful.

1. She should not be drunk and incapable / stoned etc in local pub.
2. She should not be getting into friendships or arguments with parents.

She could find herself in trouble about her reputation. Teachers have something in their contracts about maintaining a professional reputation. Whilst this doesn't mean you can't go out and have a drink, getting paralytic and incapable is perhaps unwise especially if photos / social media is involved.

Billsykes see that's the thing she has this new age hippy (but very pretty with it and feminine) floaty vibe but she's very sharp (not sharp enough obvs) so most colleagues of hers and I've met a few don't think she has a drink/drug problem etc. It's a social occasion with that anyway certainly not addicted or not she'd see. But i agree it's a salient wake up call.

cansu what I did say to her (as this is rare re parents) that when she saw cool dad why didn't you all excuse yourselves and go to another parent free venue?!

She did admit she should've done this but "they trusted him" and he seemed cool. And of course it kicked off later.... Train wreck!

Although tbh speed is a class A drug so if she's ever arrested for possession she will probably lose her teaching career anyway

I thought speed was a class B?!

'But really, until all parents lead absolutely blameless lives and never do anything illegal in public, they should back off & shut up.'

Teachers haven't been respected or treated like professionals for years, except when it is used as a threat or a bludgeon. Not the working conditions, the level of interference or the targets set by non-educationalists. I think the OP's friend is a fool, but I find that more tolerable than the saccharine squeals of parents who want professionals but won't give them respect or autonomy. How does a 10 year old know she's stoned? I look stoned on occasion, it's a combination of being knackered and pissed-off.

TheSolitary in this area there's lots of weed use so I think a 10 year old with enough nouse could speculate. I personally believe the kids here have gossiped in playground and MN parents here could tell us what if anything they get taught about drug use in primary school at that age.

I teach primary, have done for a long time including the drugs talk in UKS2.
She doesn't seem cut out to be a teacher if she can't separate work and the rest of her life and be discreet. It's bad enough when the children give your shopping trolley a good once over.
Well. she isn't the first and won't be the last to have blurred the lines and screwed up. I just wish that parents were as moral and upstanding as they expect teachers to be, it's save a lot of the time we now spend on emotional and social issues in school that often stem from less than ideal models in the home.

I have never seen weed smoked openly in a public place. I have tried it myself and known people who smoked it, but it was always in private.

I used to walk my class a mile to the swimming pool, past the dealers and smokers outside one of the local social clubs. Some of the dealers were relatives of the children in school.