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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think you should be careful with your behaviour if you're a teacher out of hours and socialising with parents?

117 replies

SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2016 06:53

I have a friend who's a contract supply teacher in a large town. She teaches primary - mostly I think all ages but currently with 9-10 year old mostly. She's been there about 3 years.

She spoke to me recently at first it was oh it'll be ok but now she thinks it could be more serious...

When they broke up for Easter holidays she and her colleagues went to a local pub near school, they go to this pub a fair bit, weed is consumed etc. sometimes some of the parents visit the same pub. Normally this isn't a problem but on this occasion a dad got into a row with my friend after he came onto her and she rebuffed him. When she said no, he drunkenly made a threat about reporting her to the school as she'd had weed and also she said a bit of speed too. He also said her son (who is 10) had seen her go into the park opposite the school and come back stoned at lunchtime. She does go into the park at lunch especially if weather is nice but she doesn't generally smoke (sometimes though with a drink) but certainly not weed at lunchtime.

Anyway the dad threatened to tell on her for both times.

Of course it's now after Easter and as far as she knows there has been no talk from the parent, she hasn't even seen the dad at pickup times (she is not generally around at pickup but sometimes bumps into parents near gates etc), she is employed by an agency so she's thinks they would be in touch, or headmaster.

I've said maybe she should not partake in illegal drugs after work at pub near school if parents could be present... Just in case.

So AIBU to advise her to be more careful in future near school?

OP posts:
Onlyicanclean10 · 29/04/2016 08:26

She sounds mind numingly childish And stupid.

What's with the 'cool dads?'

What a total idiot.

Birdsgottafly · 29/04/2016 08:33

""If she is a professional at work and is a good teacher, what business is it of anyone's what she does in her spare time? I am sure there are countless lawyers and businesspeople who take drugs at the weekend, and no one thinks to criticise them.""

They don't do them with clients, though.

This is why Police, Teachers, SWs, tend to mix together, so you don't get reported for 'unprofessional behaviour'.

It's drummed into you, when your undertaking a professional degree etc, what conduct is expected.

It isn't up for discussion, do certain things and you've thrown your degree away.

Teaching isn't as strict as law based professions, including the Police and SW, were you're expected to be fussy about the company that you keep.

OP, if your friend wants to sabotage her career, there's only so much that you can do.

NicknameUsed · 29/04/2016 08:36

"But really, until all parents lead absolutely blameless lives and never do anything illegal in public, they should back off & shut up"

But they aren't teachers. Most people view teachers as professionals who are role models for children. I imagine that people would take the same view of anyone who is a figure of authority. When someone accepts a role like this the onus is on that person to behave responsibly in public and clearly this teacher hasn't.

Public figures who are viewed as role models are villified in the press for unacceptable behaviour - politicians who cheat on their wives, sports men and women who take performance enhancing drugs etc, and this isn't any different.

What role models do in their private lives shouldn't be anyone else's business, but the key is in the word private, so if the teacher wants to take illegal drugs she shouldn't do it in public, especially if she is going to be seen by the parents of the children she teaches. And I think the dad was a dick anyway.

Creampastry · 29/04/2016 08:45

She is doing it in school time - allegedly - so it is totally the schools business.

YouTheCat · 29/04/2016 09:00

I've worked in a school for 14 years. There's a clause in my contract that says I may be asked to test for drugs/alcohol. We had a person sacked for being under the influence of alcohol because she regularly was drinking a lot the night before school and was not safe. Same would go for drugs.

Your friend is an idiot and I wouldn't want her anywhere near kids. The father in this situation was also a total idiot but his job isn't at stake.

kaitlinktm · 29/04/2016 09:26

She could easily be dismissed if the school believed the parent's story or if there were other witnesses. Let's hope it doesn't happen. I have known teachers dismissed for posting joke photos of themselves which could have been seen as approval of drink/drugs - it was obviously a joke, but that made no difference.

All teachers are subject to the code of conduce in the Teachers's Standards. In fact some years ago I seem to remember being required to sign this (or something similar) and return it to my headteacher. Later on a colleague was disciplined and was reminded that they had signed this so should have known what to do and what not to do.

www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/301107/Teachers__Standards.pdf

The relevant part is near the end on Page 14 where it states:

A teacher is expected to demonstrate consistently high standards of personal and professional conduct

and also

Teachers uphold public trust in the profession and maintain high standards of ethics and behaviour within and outside school

kaitlinktm · 29/04/2016 09:29

Yes - sorry meant to say (and then saw that PP had said so) that it is a COMPLETE nono to be drinking (I presume you meant alcohol) during the school day even if off the school premises.

Also, yes the father in question is absolutely despicable, but he can't very well be sacked from being a parent - your friend has a great deal more to lose.

AnUtterIdiot · 29/04/2016 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BillSykesDog · 29/04/2016 10:05

She's doing speed. Which a lot of people seem to be ignoring completely. Having had personal experience with that drug, I wouldn't allow someone taking it to be in charge of my child even if they were not in the actual 'high'. It has a horrible effect on people's personalities, no way should a teacher should be going anywhere near that stuff.

CwtchesAndCuddles · 29/04/2016 10:28

Your friend is not only risking her job she is risking her registration as a teacher. Being caught taking drugs is obviously crazy! She needs to wise up fast. If she continues to smoke weed / speed publicly then she will only have herself to blame.

For those saying it doesn't matter what she does in her own time there are many professions where it does have an impact and teaching is one of them. In order to work as a teacher you need to be registered and along with that is a behaviour code you agree to accept and ignore at your peril.

PortiaCastis · 29/04/2016 10:37

So 10 year olds know if someone is stoned?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/04/2016 10:37

The weed and speed is one thing, but teacher or not. She is allowed a social life, surely.

NicknameUsed · 29/04/2016 10:45

You are missing the point Ilive. Of course she is allowed a social life, but read kaitlinktm's posts.

TheNotoriousPMT · 29/04/2016 10:51

How would a 10 year old know she was stoned?

Unfortunately, a number of 10 year olds in this country get stoned. A rather larger number see their older siblings and parents get stoned too. This is not outside the bounds of plausibility.

TheNotoriousPMT · 29/04/2016 11:00

Teachers are allowed a social life, absolutely. But usually there is a choice of venues, and only an idiot knowingly does things in front of parents that they wouldn't do in front of the Head.

The 'cool dads' thing - it sounds like OP's friend has real difficulty in keeping work and private life separate.

There is also a difference between 'having a social life' and 'publicly breaking the law'. What with DBS checks and all, most teachers try a bit harder than OP's friend to keep their criminal records blank.

PortiaCastis · 29/04/2016 11:04

I'm confused who is the 10 year ods parent?

Original poster
SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2016 11:18

The cool dad in pub is the father of a 10 year old boy in one of her classes... Who presumably knows about weed etc....

OP posts:
Original poster
SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2016 11:23

regina my area isn't there.... But about 15-20 minute drive away.

HeadTilt what identifying info! So the school is in London area opp park and there's a pub nearby where you can smoke weed! Could be lots of pubs all over London like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2016 11:26

The son said he'd seen my friend go to the park at lunchtime and come back stoned...

The school is near the park...

I don't know how a 10 year old can make that assumption re an adult being stoned. I do know my friend is very new age hippy and quite giggly tho supposedly very professional at school. Maybe the child sees his dad or mum stoned at home...

OP posts:
Original poster
SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2016 11:33

TheNiotoriousPMT see this pub is used after work and apparently they rarely see parents there (so hardly ever).

She says that at first they (the teachers) saw the dad and were all a bit on their guard then he played cool dad and made out "no it's fine etc" and shared a spliff with them. She said she didn't take speed in front of him. He was fine until he was rebuffed by her and she pointed her e-ring (she's engaged) then he got mad accusing her of leading him on. Then he mentioned about his son seeing her go to the park at lunchtime and walked off threatening to tell school.

OP posts:
corythatwas · 29/04/2016 12:12

"But really, until all parents lead absolutely blameless lives and never do anything illegal in public, they should back off & shut up"

Surely those parents who do lead a blameless life do not have to back off and shut up. If as a parent I want to teach my children certain standards, then I stick to those standards. And expect the other authority figures in their life to stick to the standards promoted by them. Some totally unrelated person who happens to be a parent to some other unrelated child is not an authority figure in their life, so what they do is of no concern to me. But the teacher is somebody I have to tell my children to trust and listen to and believe in.

Schools these days spend an awful lot of time lecturing children on morality, not taking drugs, obeying the law: it is not good for children to discover that these important adults in their lives do not live up to the standards they preach.

StormyBlue · 29/04/2016 12:27

Is the father married/attached? It will have been an empty threat unless he's a total moron, because otherwise it would come out that he tried to cheat, with a teacher at his child's school, no less!

Original poster
SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2016 12:42

stormy apparently father and mother are separated (never married) but my friend days dad and mum come to school separately!

We're meeting up at some point in future I'll advise her to stop the drugs!

She was thinking of changing contracts soon anyway but I think this is a wake up call for her.

OP posts:
Acornantics · 29/04/2016 12:52

It becomes the school's business when the actions of a teacher could bring the school into disrepute. It's not a moral issue about taking drugs.

BillSykesDog · 29/04/2016 13:09

She said she didn't take speed in front of him

Oh yes of course. Because when you come back from the toilet sniffing talking shite at 10 to the dozen nobody knows what you've been doing unless they actually saw it go up your nose. Hmm. She sounds like a 15 year old.