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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is my son's teacher being unreasonable, not sure.

61 replies

GeezeLouiseBelcher · 29/04/2016 05:45

Last night was parents evening, and ds's teacher said there was a recent incident in the playground where a couple of other boys were upsetting ds. Apparently ds put on a tiara and was acting very "girly" with his friends (also girls, don't know if relevant) in a funny way, not a taking the piss way. Ds generally likes a lot of stereotypical girly things anyway, it's just him. Anyway, these two boys started name-calling and upset ds and his friends according to the teacher.

I said that sounds like ds, and asked her what happened after. She said she told ds that if he's going to act like that, he has to accept that he'll be picked on.

It bothers me a bit but I don't know if she IBU or not. Surely she should be telling the other kids they can't pick on people? No matter what. I spoke to ds and told him a lot of boys grow up hearing "boys don't cry" or "you throw like a girl" and think that being girly is a bad thing, and he shouldn't expect everyone to have the same attitude as him towards it. But I keep thinking, ds didn't do anything wrong, the other kids did. Why is the teacher telling him he has to curb his behaviour and not the other boys?

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 29/04/2016 10:50

A boy can wear a dress. But it's going to cause comment no matter how little anyone likes it.

Lweji · 29/04/2016 10:51

It's going to cause comment because some people keep excusing comments and keep maintaining gender biases.
Like you.

JinRamen · 29/04/2016 10:53

There was a boy at our school who came fully uniformed... But it was his sisters skirt, tight, shirt... And not a word was said by anyone! That's the way it should be!

Floggingmolly · 29/04/2016 10:54

It is the way it should be. I'm just amazed that it actually was.

loulou0987 · 29/04/2016 10:58

lweji well said! i remember being a one of the first years at school wear girls could wear trousers and that is in the 1990s! Children should be free to express themselves however they want he was making his friends laugh and enjoying himself. Floggingmolly I'm not saying children aren't mean to each other but surely its up to the grown ups to make sure children know that its wrong. the teachers attitude was wrong. And if you use the word "mincing" to describe an 11 yo then I'm pretty sure you're wrong too.

Pedestriana · 29/04/2016 10:59

Teacher is being ridiculous. It doesn't matter why other children picked on him. The fact is that they did. The behaviour of the others is what needs addressing, it is not up to your son to 'accept' that he'll get picked on/singled out for being different.
Society still has a long way to go if we think that this is acceptable in any way. It doesn't matter whether you're 2, 12, 22 or 102. You should be able to wear what the hell you like. The fact that you can't has more to say about society than it does about the person making the choices and it is that which we need to change. We don't need a production line of conformists.

feathermucker · 29/04/2016 13:22

Hell NO, you're not being unreasonable! Terrible way for a teacher to act!

Original poster

GeezeLouiseBelcher · 29/04/2016 13:34

Thanks for the replies. Sorry, was at work. I think I'll speak to his teacher again to clarify things and to put the point across that ds isn't to blame for other kids picking on him, they are. She's usually lovely, so I think that's why I was so thrown with her comments. It seems she thought she was giving kind advice without really considering the message she was sending.

OP posts:

Clandestino · 29/04/2016 13:45

I suppose the teacher is telling girls that if they wear miniskirts they should accept that they will be raped? What a moron. I would complain to the head.

Original poster

GeezeLouiseBelcher · 29/04/2016 17:20

I've spoken to ds again about this. His version of his teacher dealing with it was "she told me off for drawing attention to myself". I asked did she tell the girls off. He said no. I asked if she told the boys who were picking on him off. He said just the main one (ringleader) and he was made to apologise to ds.

Ds then said that a couple of the other boys are low level bullying him. Saying things like "oh no not you" if he speaks to them, talking about him within his earshot on purpose etc.

I'm going to make the school deal with this properly on Monday. Little shits. Advice welcome

OP posts:

Julibelle · 29/04/2016 18:06

Contact the school about this teacher, this is completely unacceptable. At no time should a teacher support victim blaming.

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