Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to be upset by this...

94 replies

CycleNut · 28/04/2016 18:40

I've worked really hard for three years to do a phd. I've worked throughout this time, prioritised my two young children and my husband, and frankly pushed myself to the limit. I work solidly 2 hours every eve after children in bed and juggled it round my dcs. Dh has been superbly supportive. Today i arrived at my parents db and dm were inside talking. They know I'm just about to submit my thesis and this was the conversation.... db saying - 'we'll have to pretend to be happy for cycle I suppose'...' I think she's completely wasted her time, everyone will just think she's some weird nut job now'. I expected my mum to disagree but she just nodded and said 'I'm not sure what she was trying to prove...'
I'm so proud of myself and its secured me the job I really wanted and I'm proud of what I did with the research but now just feel utterly deflated. We're supposed to have a bbq when I submit next week but I really don't want to now.

OP posts:

Gide · 29/04/2016 21:56

They can have an opinion, but it's sod all to do with them, so they should not be bitching behind your back. Well done on your PhD!

Sillybillypoopoomummy · 29/04/2016 22:04

If you can get a PhD while running a household and children you can do anything :-)

Many congratulations on submitting, although I must warn you that I felt such a loss when I submitted mine as it wasn't over yet (waiting for viva) but it was now out of my control... be prepared for that! Good luck for your viva and sod your DB/DM. They don't understand and probably never will, but you know that you have sorted out your own happiness and that is wonderful.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 30/04/2016 11:15

Many congratulations!!

It does sound a little like green eye??!

All this rubbish about 'not being a proper doctor', please explain to them you are a proper doctor... As you HAVE a doctorate... Whereas for most medical doctors, in the UK at least, it's just a courtesy title... mostly they will not have completed and importantly, defended, a doctorate!! ( I do love my Medic pals!!)

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 30/04/2016 11:19

PS there is also quite a lot of anti-intellectualism....

These people 'they may have all these paper qualificationz.... They dont have any common sense... (said with hands on hips in a passive' aggressive way...). Yes I really don't want any people with paper qualificationz.... I want to have surgeons and lawyers who are just 'having a go' ... Just relying on 'common sense'....

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 30/04/2016 11:20

These arguments just fall apart in about 3 sentences.... But of course it's all common sense... (pokes self in eye with blunt stick...)

Pipestheghost · 30/04/2016 11:20

Jealousy is an ugly trait, isn't it?
Massive congratulations

MrFMercury · 30/04/2016 11:31

Well done. Another one thinking this is jealousy. My db still mocks me for my degree but I'm pretty sure that's because I was the one who stuck out college and uni. It says everything about them and nothing about you.
Make sure you do celebrate submission, that's a huge deal and don't invite them unless they apologise.

A4Document · 30/04/2016 11:42

PS there is also quite a lot of anti-intellectualism....

Yes, definitely.

It's just not true that intelligent, well-qualified people have no "common sense". Maybe some don't, but that's true at any educational level.

Original poster

CycleNut · 30/04/2016 17:34

Thank you all, I'm really touched. I confronted db about it earlier. He just said he was really sorry, he was proud of me, he didn't understand the choices I'd made as to him I had a really properous career lined up but he respected that I was now doing something I loved. He admitted he was jealous as perceived that I achieved things easily but did say he knew I worked hard, and said he said something stupid in the moment and knew I'd heard by my face when I came in, was glad I'd brought it up as he was worried how to but basically he was a twat.... I've forgiven him. X

OP posts:

Misnomer · 30/04/2016 17:39

I'm really glad you were able to sort it out with him as these things can fester a bit.

Enjoy your BBQ - assuming that it doesn't get snowed off!

claraschu · 30/04/2016 17:41

Aw that is a really nice ending. It sounds like a genuine apology and real understanding from him, and it's lovely that you can forgive. We all have our bad moments and bad thoughts; it's great when people can get past them.

ChickensRideWest · 30/04/2016 17:58

Are you going to speak to your mum about it OP? I'm glad your DB apologised. My DB doesn't like me because in his words I'm a 'university boffin and therefore not his type of person'. Congratulations on your amazing achievement!

Katinkka · 30/04/2016 18:18

Poor you. Bet you're very upset. I've had a bit of this from my dad who doesn't see the point in me going to uni at 37. It'd be nice if he could be proud of me but I'll just have to settle for being proud of myself. He's a bit of a mysogynist. Thinks I should just concentrate on housekeeping.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 01/05/2016 02:09

Excellent outcome!

Katinkka - well done on your congrats in your uni place! Have fun and enjoy your course! Oh and keep away from the housework!

BTW what subject are you reading??

Atenco · 01/05/2016 05:13

Oh many, many congratulations, it can't have been easy, and good luck in your new job.

nocoffeenouppee · 01/05/2016 05:27

I think anyone who has done a PhD can agree that signing up was probably one of the most 'nutjob' things they've ever done 😜

Seriously well done! I think you can probably take over the world if you've managed to do that with a family to look after. Your DB is being an arse. Don't let him sully an amazing achievement.

Footle · 01/05/2016 08:44

Great result. Nice brother. Give that man an honorary PhD.

AyeAmarok · 01/05/2016 09:13

Glad your brother apologised. It did sound like jealousy to me too.

Very well done you, Dr. Cycle!

Twoseventhsaweasley · 01/05/2016 10:14

Congratulations Dr Cycle. My brilliant brother has a PhD. I love addressing cards and parcels to Dr just because I can. As you can tell, I also really enjoy telling people about my super clever brother.

I am glad that you sorted it all out with your brother. Enjoy your barbecue. I bet your children will be super proud of you.

Flip

1 2 3 4