to be upset by this...

[CycleNut]

I've worked really hard for three years to do a phd. I've worked throughout this time, prioritised my two young children and my husband, and frankly pushed myself to the limit. I work solidly 2 hours every eve after children in bed and juggled it round my dcs. Dh has been superbly supportive. Today i arrived at my parents db and dm were inside talking. They know I'm just about to submit my thesis and this was the conversation.... db saying - 'we'll have to pretend to be happy for cycle I suppose'...' I think she's completely wasted her time, everyone will just think she's some weird nut job now'. I expected my mum to disagree but she just nodded and said 'I'm not sure what she was trying to prove...'
I'm so proud of myself and its secured me the job I really wanted and I'm proud of what I did with the research but now just feel utterly deflated. We're supposed to have a bbq when I submit next week but I really don't want to now.

I would raise it openly and gently with them as I wouldn't feel like the bbq either if I were you- and sounds like you've done amazingly so glad your dh recognises this at least. Well done and I hope you can clear the air with them

How mean! I like to think I'd ask about it quietly and calmly and let people explain it properly if they could. But I would possibly get angry and loud and tearful, I don't know.

And again, that's really fucking mean. You did amazingly.

It's because they don't have the belief that you could achieve this, or indeed anything.
If you look back you will find lots of times when they have made you doubt yourself.

Well done on your PhD, what was it on?

Though I get the confusion about term 'nutjob' its not that odd a term for db to use. For example He brought me nutty professor glasses at christmas as a sort of joke.

Congratulations!!!
Not just the PhD but doing it with children as well.
And a job you want.
Excellent.
Far too intelligent to let silly comments rile you.

Is your Ph.d on "The amazing benefits of aloe Vera" and is your new job one in which you get to #sacktheboss. If so, I'm with them.

Otherwise - well done Dr Cycle!

I come from a wider family group who think/thought that education was pointless and not required to get a job. I was treated as odd for going to university, studying hard and not going out drinking all the time. I got a fantastic career as a direct result of my degree, I just ignored them, but it wasn't someone as close as my mum or brother.

Thankyou all and amelia its to with the supporting vulnerable children.

I left a well paid career to do it, and new job is what I wanted to do its lower paid

Ahh maybe this is what he meant with the nutjob comment! Some people just cannot comprehend giving up better pay for personal fulfillment. My dad is one of them. He doesnt understand why i wanted to go to university where i wouldnt be earning a full time wage.

And congratulations on your achievement. I couldnt make mine work so an V jealous. Well done you. Be very proud of yourself.

My Bil got very uppity with his Sil when she wanted to put doctor on her credit card.

But that's because he can't, even if he wanted to. Massive congratulations from me.

My PHd supervising DH has just said that he has full time students who can't even apply themselves let alone complete within 3 years whilst looking after family and a home at the same time. He has asked me to say that he would be very rightly proud of any of his students who applied themselves as you have.

Your DB sounds jealous and your DM sounds like she's either making sounds to make him feel better or that she is playing favourites.

Don't invite them to your graduation ceremony either

Another PhD here. Bloody well done!! Your brother is jealous imo.

Don't let them get you down, and do make sure you change your bank cards to say 'Dr'. That's the best bit of doing a PhD!! That little surge of 'fuck yeah, I'm a doctor' every time you pay for something

That is such a terrible thing to say and worse to overhear it like that .

I know how it feels to be hurt and let down by family members but try not to let their very strange and illogical opinions get to you.

You are amazing Cycle. It is a real achievement and all right thinking people know that

My inlaws were a bit like this because i had a degree and read books for 'fun', apparently, thats just odd - staying at school longer than you have to and reading is for weirdos and loners hmm

My in laws are like this. They think I'm "strange" because I chose to do a degree and the fact that I then chose to go back to uni to do further post grad qualifications relevant to my career means I "must not enjoy being a Mum"

It is misogyny, pure and simple. The expectation is that if you are a woman then once you've squeezed out a baby you've served your purpose on this earth and having any ambition or interest beyond that is "weird".

Congrats on your impending thesis submission OP You deserve to feel proud of yourself. I would have the BBQ and not invite them, if they asked why I would be honest and say "I didn't want you to feel obliged to pretend to be happy for me".

Don't forget to sign all birthday cards and christmas cards to them as foolows:

With love Dr Cycle.

DB clearly jealous and DM possibly scared to disagree with him as he doesn't sound very pleasant and is clearly opinionated and judgmental!!

Your family sound like arseholes. Don't invite them to the barbecue and don't tell them why.

Massive congratulations to you on being ready to submit though, exciting times!

Nasty and jealous. Have the BBQ but don't invite them and tell them why.
Congratulations Dr my friend has a PhD and worked bloody hard for it, I'm very proud of her.

Challenge them. Text and say you overheard all the negative things they were saying about you in the kitchen.

Jealousy .Wrapped up as concern. Bitching to other family members . Classic jealous behaviour I reckon.

Enormous respect to you. Well done Dr Cycle.

I've received some pretty odd and rude comments over the years fir doing something that's fulfilling and meaningful over putting more pounds in my pocket ..

Ignore them. They'll never understand so no point trying to explain

Crab bucket mentality - don't let em drag you down!

Congratulations on your achievement - you're nearly there and it will be sooooo worth it!

Congratulations! It is hard not to take it personally but remember that a lot of people have no idea what doing a PhD entails. I'm currently trying to submit by the summer and even my professor husband - who should bloody know better - is not really helping and I am thinking of cutting him out of the acknowledgments. It is such hard work juggling work, study and kids so be proud of yourself and ignore any scoffers!

What did you say when you saw them?