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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In regards to the cat?

100 replies

CopyAndPasteCuntingJournos · 28/04/2016 17:12

My beautiful little cat was run over today and killed. I held her lifeless body and, after quite a few tears shed, I buried her in the garden.

Now it's not my dp's cat and he doesn't really like animals, fine I get this; however once he got back from work and told him he shrugged and said "it's just a cat, who cares". I'm livid. I get he doesn't like them much but anyone with an ounce of empathy would understand the sadness of losing something I've loved for 17 years. Right? Or am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 28/04/2016 17:34

He does get it. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he didn't realise how much your cat meant to you at first. But he knows now and is huffing and puffing and calling you a moody arsehole.

Cunt.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 28/04/2016 17:34

He's an utter twat and an unfeeling one at that!

I'm sorryFlowers

motheroftwoboys · 28/04/2016 17:34

So very sorry! We had to have our older cat put to sleep a few weeks ago and my lovely DH was crying in bed the night before, our grown up son travelled 300 miles just to come and say goodbye and slept on the sofa in the room the cat was in (with the fire left on all night) and we were in bits when we came out the vets. DH and DS then spent hours in the pouring rain digging a (far to deep) grave. Pets are part of the family and are mourned as such. Your DH has a severe lack of empathy!

RortyCrankle · 28/04/2016 17:34

Even if he doesn't 'get' cats or animals, he's a heartless bastard not to empathise with you, give you a cuddle and say how much he knew you loved the cat, how sorry he was etc.

Whatever his hobby is I would sabotage it. X-box = cut plug off or hide the hand control, football = I would hide one football boot for a couple of weeks or 'lose' the shorts in the wash, golf, remove and hide the putter from his golf bag, you get the idea.

Have a hug from me. When my cat Perkins died It was like losing the child I could never have. So I totally understand.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 28/04/2016 17:36

Seriously why are you with this guy? LTB.

I am so sorry to hear about your cat Flowers

EveryoneElsie · 28/04/2016 17:36

He didnt have to love the cat to realise that it meant a lot to you,. and you might like some supportive words and a cuddle.
It was a very similar situation to this ended my last serious relationship. Flowers

annoyedofnorwich · 28/04/2016 17:37

So sorry xx

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 28/04/2016 17:39

I'm so sorry to hear about your cat Flowers

Your partner is a nasty, unfeeling arsehole. I gave my DH more sympathy when he broke his phone than he has given you over the loss of a living thing you've loved for years...

StrangeLookingParasite · 28/04/2016 17:39

Fuck him, the arsehole! He has no empathy, and it's part of being in a relationship to care what your partner thinks about something.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I was in a similar place in 2005, when I had to have my old girl put to sleep as she was too sick. I had had her for more than 18 years.
Poor wee girl Flowers

cherrypepsimax · 28/04/2016 17:40

So sorry :)

You must be devastated, and surely he must realise, even if he didn't like the cat, that you did, and you are hurting. Would it kill him to give you a hug?
A total lack of empathy to your poor cat and you. That's a worry isn't it?

acasualobserver · 28/04/2016 17:40

Sorry about your cat. Your DP should be ashamed of himself.

theheadthetailthewholedamthing · 28/04/2016 17:40

He is an outrageous bastard.

Ive never had a cat but I would compare it to when I lost my dog ? It took me a year to even look at my dogs photos again as it was so painful and 5 years on I still shed a tear now and again.

How dare he

Alexa444 · 28/04/2016 17:40

I don't like cats and would still be sympathetic towards you. I cried for hours when my hamster died and days over my dog. So sorry for your loss, poor little cat. What a tosser, I'd smash that laptop over his twattish head. Don't worry about killing him, it's just a total cunt, who cares. Sits and seethes quietly on op's behalf

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 28/04/2016 17:43

I remember my hamster died when I was 7 years old. He was my best friend. I sobbed uncontrollably for hours after.

HeirOfNothingInParticular · 28/04/2016 18:11

Sorry to hear about your cat. Your husband was not considerate of your feelings at all. I felt so sad when my favourite little cat died, and I think about him every day.

My husband always claims he hates the cats, but he willing paid out lots of money when the cat was attacked as he said we owed it to him. He wrote the sweetest little fb post about him (he never does anything like that) thanking him for sharing the last 13 years with us :(

I hope you feel better soon, and your husband realises what he's done and looks after you

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 28/04/2016 18:19

I'm so sorry for your loss- I can't tell you the pain id feel if my cat died.

Your DP is an insensitive dick.
Flowers

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 28/04/2016 18:20

Plus, only sociopaths/psychopaths would be that cold and uncaring. I'd leave him over this if it were me.

Original poster
CopyAndPasteCuntingJournos · 28/04/2016 18:20

Thank you everyone Flowers

I think he must be reading the thread because he has apologised profusely, made me a brew and is now making dinner. Said he'd had a shit day at work and was sorry he wasn't being very nice. Thank god for that. I was sizing up the space next to my cats place for him.

Not all is forgiven though, I'm still annoyed and hurt but at least I wasn't completely wrong about him

OP posts:
Fireandflames666 · 28/04/2016 18:25

I'd be absolutely fuming if my oh said something like that. A cat/pet is still a life!, and a loss of life is ALWAYS sad.

Infact if my oh said something like that I'd consider leaving him. I'd never want to be with someone so heartless.

FluffyPersian · 28/04/2016 18:25

I'm glad he's apologised and I'm truly sorry for your loss.

I think you are very wise not to forgive him easily however as like others on the thread, I would leave any man who said that to me.

My cat meant the world to me - putting him to sleep was the hardest decision I ever had to make and 4 years later it still makes me cry when I think of it. To lose yours in the way you did must have been heartbreaking. No wonder you're so upset.

When things are less raw, I'd really have a look at your relationship - Noone should blame saying something like that on a 'shit day at work'... Noone.

Pipbin · 28/04/2016 18:26

Sorry but 'shit day at work' is no excuse.

cinnamonorange · 28/04/2016 18:27

I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm glad your husband has apologised.
I'll be happy and relieved when my husband's annoying cat finally pops its clogs, but I won't show it - of course I'll sympathise and let him grieve. Me not understanding their relationship doesn't trump his grief.

Narp · 28/04/2016 18:29

I am so sorry.

My cat is 20 and I know I'll be bereft when she dies.

To experience your cat being run over is horrible

As for your DP - sorry, but the fact he could say that - take out his bad day on you is cause for concern - never mind you've described his as insensitive and pig-headed

He's not a keeper, is he?

countingkids123 · 28/04/2016 18:29

So so sorry about your darling cat. One of mine passed away after a particularly aggressive illness in November and DH bawled like a baby. All of my cats are from before I met DH, but he needed their 'approval' before I let myself truly fall for him (crazy cat woman emoticon). Seriously though, if he had reacted the way your DP has done, it would be the start of the end for us.

NotmeItWasNotme · 28/04/2016 18:30

I was inconsolable when my cat died, had to take the day off work and made DH come home to consul me. I am sorry your DH doesn't understand.