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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not make an appointment to view a house where there was a murder

125 replies

bewilderedfish · 27/04/2016 21:25

We've been looking to buy a house in a particular area for a while and today a lovely house has come up for sale on right move within our budget (it does seem cheap for what it is so I was very excited).
The interior pics look beautiful, it's been refurbished inside and ticks all the boxes for us. DH and I were excited to call the estate agent tomorrow to book a viewing and I idly did a Google search of the address just for fun.
My stomach sank when It became obvious it's the house where a woman was murdered in a horrible arson attack 10 years ago. I remembered it clearly when I read the news reports.
The woman died on the stairs after being disturbed by the fire. The house was badly damaged as petrol had been put through the letterbox and lit. It's obviously been completely remodelled but Its put me right off.
I immediately said no, I wouldn't be going to see it. I could never live there. Not for any price.
I wouldn't sleep at night for reliving that woman's last moments and I'd never feel happy there. DH thinks I'm being ridiculous and he's really disappointed.
Am I being stupid?

OP posts:
mayoketchupchocolate · 27/04/2016 22:21

No way, absolutely not! I could never be happy somewhere like that.

A family member purchased a flat a few years ago where a man had killed his wife and then himself. When she found out she tried to back out of the sale but it was too late so she rented it out instead. I can't believe that information like that doesn't have to be disclosed before purchase, as surely you're entitled to know the facts and form your own decision about whether you want to live somewhere?

OVienna · 27/04/2016 22:24

Yanbu - it's a very personal thing. I might go and see it to see how it 'felt' once there.

Pinkheart5915 · 27/04/2016 22:26

Yanbu
I couldn't live there way too much sadness in the house for me.

bringbacksideburns · 27/04/2016 22:28

It's not about bricks and mortar. Practically we aren't expecting ghosties to jump out either.
Maybe some pick up more on the atmosphere? Maybe it's all in the mind.

When we went house hunting twenty odd years ago we went to see a property which was going for a great price. It needed so much work doing on it though and despite being in a nice cul de sac, it had an unpleasant feeling. I just didn't like it

My MIL knew we were going to visit this street and told me later someone axed his family there and then drove off and killed himself in the seventies. Maybe it was that house I don't know.

I have a friend who quite happily lives in a house where a man fell down the stairs, broke his neck and lay at the bottom for god knows how long. She got the house for a song and the fact her dog growls and doesn't go up the stairs etc doesn't worry her.

I also know someone living in a house where someone hung themselves in the living room. They don't know and I wouldn't tell them.

There's a world of difference between violent deaths and the norm.

I couldn't buy Joe Orton or Denis Nielsen's flats, however cheap they were but plenty of others couldn't care less.

ColinFirthsGirth · 27/04/2016 22:32

I wouldn't want to live in a house where something like that had happened.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 27/04/2016 22:32

Previous owner died in my house, on my birthday. Its no big deal. I could make it a big deal and freak out getting all flappy but its just a house and having lived here 10 years its my house. Not the house that old para died in.

teacherwith2kids · 27/04/2016 22:34

We had been living in a house for a while when a neighbour commented that a previous owner's wife had committed suicide there.

It didn't bother us, because the house 'felt', and had always felt, absolutely fine, an old and rather odd house (triangular bedroom, anyone?) but a happy one. Another house which we viewed where nothing worse than an acrimonious divorce had happened? Totally different story, something really horrible about the atmosphere in that house and we would never have bought it.

I'm normally a totally rational person, but I maintain that houses have 'atmospheres'. Our current one is welcoming but slightly aloof.

Atenco · 27/04/2016 22:42

No problem with a natural death, but I wouldn't be happy living where there had been a murder.

Teddy1970 · 27/04/2016 22:42

I personally couldn't, (I know some people can and that's fine) simply because it was fairly recent, if it happened in the property 100 years ago then that wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/04/2016 22:43

stopfucking I think my attitude is healthy but others don't and yes that's their opinion and others who I've met Thr way and suicide

one has never gone back ever and rents it out and will sell it

another lived there a few months later but is selling as not happy

another there but can't sell as as negative equity so lives in a house she is unhappy in :(

I seem unusual to stay and happily - tbh I have all I want in a home - 3 beds - large garden - parking for 3/5 cars and nice neighbours and near to shops

Tho if I wasn't happy I would sell in a flash :)

trixie yes maybe diff as family? Tho can understand why a mum whose child dies there moves

PacificDogwod · 27/04/2016 22:47

YANBU to feel whatever you are feeling - that's the thing about feelings, they are not rational necessarily Grin

I don't think it would bother me.
We live in an old house - I'd be surprised if nobody ever died here.
Most older properties will have had deaths happen in them, some more gruesome than others.
Our house have been remodelled and renovated and redecorated several times, including once by us. It is OUR house, whatever went before.

I hope you find the house you'll be happy in very soon, OP Thanks

Gide · 27/04/2016 22:48

Nah, couldn't possibly live there. I pass a house where the owner shot himself daily. The new owners had to strip out all the plaster and they've totally changed the front. A colleague just starting to get on the property ladder said he'd buy it in a flash, wouldn't bother him, but I'm far too pathetic and when the DH made up a story about ghosts in a previous flat, I wanted to move out!

Is it just me that's scared of the dark often sometimes?

cuntymailjournos · 27/04/2016 22:48

teacher

Me and dh are the same, we pick up a vibe from a house.
It has to have a warm feeling and happy.
I know it may sound strange to some.
I couldn't live in a house where something awful had happened.
Most houses will have seen sad times, been deaths, illness etc but if it was over all a happy house it will have a good vibe.

SanityAssassin · 27/04/2016 23:01

There is a house near me where an acquaintance , kids friends (baby groups etc) was battered to death by her partner in front of the children.

It was sold soon after for much less than the daily mail £XK house when they were reporting the murder.

It looks a cheerier house on the outside now but it's hard not to remember what happened on the inside and seeing it completely covered with flowers and toys as tributes. Now (no idea who lives in it) and I hope my kids former friends are happy and well cared for with their GPs..

TrixieBernadette · 27/04/2016 23:03

Blondes, that's your home. It's not surprising you want to stay. It's got so many good memories in it.

The OPs house is just a house. It's not their home. Does that make sense?

I think there's also a difference between suicide and murder, but again I'm probably massively overthinking it.

I will always remember a house I pass often now, as being one where a teenage son commited suicide. The flowers and wreaths, I was about eight? They stayed living there.

ICanSeeForMiles · 27/04/2016 23:06

I've inadvertently lived in a house where there was a murder, and it explained a lot. 2 bed flat, moved into the larger room, horrific nightmares for months, smell of smoke in the hall during the night, pets wouldn't go in that room. I was glad when I left.
But compare that to my current house. 160 years old, no doubt countless deaths and births but not a single bad feeling about the place. And I've walked out of hotels during the night because I'm so freaked out.

EastMidsMummy · 27/04/2016 23:06

I would be annoyed at you, as your husband is. You can't catch sadness from a house.

jennieflower · 27/04/2016 23:08

We rented a house on our street for several years before we bought our current house. It's not particularly old, built in the mid '80's. We're friendly with our neighbours and pretty much knew the history of most of the houses on the street but it was still a good year or so after we bought and moved in that I realised that a previous owner had died in our living room, I had been told, just hadn't made the connection. It doesn't bother me at all, we've made it a happy home.

I do wonder whether my other neighbours know about the history of their houses. On one side, the previous owner came home from the pub, drunk and put a pie in the oven, the thermostat had gone on the oven, burned his pie and he died on the sofa of carbon monoxide poisoning. On the other side, the lady that lived there had significant mental health problems and killed herself. It's not my place to share what I know as they've both been happy, family homes so I'm not going to tell them

PickleBot · 27/04/2016 23:09

The house I grew up in had an incendiary bomb through the roof in the war and everyone in the house died. But it always felt like a happy friendly house. I think I'd go and see it, it might not he what you are expecting.

pigsDOfly · 27/04/2016 23:20

When I was selling my last house, just before we were about to exchange I got yet another set of questions from the purchasers' solicitor and among them they asked if a murder had ever been committed in the house.

As it was an early victorian house so there was a strong possibility but I wasn't aware of any such history so was able to answer truthfully that to my knowledge there hadn't been.

My solicitor said he'd never had a purchaser ask that question before.

I wouldn't want to live in a house in which a murder has been committed. People dying naturally is something else, no problem with that, but murder, no.

Ankleswingers · 27/04/2016 23:25

Definitely wouldn't go.. What had happened there would freak me out and I wouldn't be comfortable living there.

But that's just me.

MrsMarigold · 27/04/2016 23:45

My grandmother lived in a house where she had an awful recurring nightmare every night, my grandfather was away fighting in WW2, and apparently my aunt aged 8 and my uncle aged 6 used to have to calm her down. Anyway it turned out that the previous mistress of the house had been murdered by her servant in her bed in that room. Always makes me feel uncomfortable so I would never do it.

Also since all these awful abuse scandals emerged, I've been down Rocks Lane in Barnes in SW London, where Cyril Smith et al conducted their abuse and felt physically ill. I used to live in Barnes and always thought the houses there had a lovely view but now I can't shake off the revulsion. I guess knowledge makes a big difference.

bakeoffcake · 28/04/2016 00:01

I'd feel the same Op. Glad you've managed to put off persuade you're dh.

If something had happened many decades ago, it wouldn't worry me at all but as this incident was so recent I wouldn't want to live there.

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/04/2016 00:04

True tho wouldn't bother me moving to a place where someone had died /murdered and not my home

Guess doesn't bother some people

Tho I would if I was op - def go and see house and see how you feel inside It

PortiaCastis · 28/04/2016 00:26

It's interesting that my ndn died from a cardiac arrest in his lounge. He lived alone as his wife had already died
Eventually the house was sold and the guys that live there now are very nice. The second day after they moved in one of them was in the garden and I went out to say hello. We started chatting and he asked me about their house as he felt there was someone watching them and had anyone died there. I started to say yes and he said it was an old man wasnt it because I saw him.

I laughed and thought yeah the agent would have told you that the previous owner had died. Apparently they were told the previous owner had died but they naturally assumed he'd died in hospital

They've claimed to have seen the old man several times since and always in their bedroom which is the room where ndn slept. I think they may be telling me a tale but dd said she thought she saw ndn in the garden and that was a few days after he died.

They're all trying to wind me up I think.