To realise I sort of stopped loving my parents when I grew up

[lovebeingonthetrain]

Did this happen to anyone else? I adored them as a child so it's sad really.

Do you have children of your own? How old are you?

Nope, I'm adopted (when I was 10) and 24 years later love them both. My heart lights up when I have a chat with them on the phone. Spending time with them still feels like going home, even thought I have DCs of my own.

That's really sad. Why??

Hard to explain, I loved them when I was a child but then came to realise a lot of their behaviour was odd.

I had the reverse - I never fully appreciated my Mum until I became an adult. I loved her as a child, but I love and respect her as an adult and like Time above, being with her feels like home despite me having my own house and family.

My Dad is a different kettle of fish, but he was abusive.

I do find that sad, yes.

How old are you?

Clearly children are programmed to love their parents however crap until they get older and then teens/young adults can judge accordingly. If parents are kind, supportive and loving then you still love them as you get older.

You have kids and these then become your first loved. That's natural.

I love my parents now both in their 80s with altzimers and other health problems and they now need my care.

It's very hard as I feel worn out with supporting and caring for my own younger children, helping with caring for grandchildren, older children, holding down a job and time for dh.

I love my parents but honestly wouldn't be heartbroken when they die. Altzimers is a bastard.

Has something happened? Have they treated you in a way as to 'un-love' them? My dad died when I was 21, (nearly 20 yrs ago) I have siblings, and we all absolutely love our mum to bits. Enjoy spending time with her and have the upmost respect as an adult now after realising what she actually put in to bringing us up.

No, I couldn't love them more tbh and appreciate them more and more as I get older. Did you suffer abuse or neglect from them. Why do you think you feel this way?

She infuriates me sometimes but I miss her when I am not in touch.

You sound quite immature in your response and although I think you realise some of their behaviour was odd you probably don't understand why. I felt a bit like this in my early 20's but never to the extent I could say I didn't love my parents. However in my late 30s and with children of my own I understand their love for me more than ever and feel the same for them. Perhaps they didn't always get it right but they only ever wanted the best for me

This is a really vague post. You stopped loving your parents because of their behaviour being odd. Care to elaborate any further as it's hard really to comment and try and help you understand yourself why that might be with so little detail.

Why do you think I sound immature? I am genuinely a bit confused by that :)

What do you mean by odd, OP?

I don't love mine. I would have said I did as a child. I do feel sorry for them, and I feel the strong genetic link we share and I care enough to make sure they are ok, I see them and facilitate their seeing my children (they're not that interested tbh). My parents had horrendous childhoods and worked hard so that ours would be better. I am grateful, they didn't neglect us, but they didn't know how not to be physically and emotionally abusive, and that killed the love I had. I only realised in my 30s; having my own children made me realise. I don't think you sound immature at all.

Gosh, I think we'd all be found to be 'a bit odd' when subject to close scrutiny. My 2 oldest DC are adults, and so this thread has saddened and worried me a bit.

I know it's vague, it's difficult to explain because i give you examples then it sounds like that's the reason I stopped loving them, but it isn't, it was a gradual, very gradual, thing.

Mum was a screamer. She'd totally lose it and storm around screaming and shed 'pretend' to be me. When I was really little (3 or 4 I think) I went out in the rain in pink trousers and when I came in and they were muddy she stormed around the kitchen in circles screaming but using 'my' voice 'I'LL GO OUT IN THE RAIN, I'LL GO OUT IN THE RAIN, I'LL WEAR PINK TROUSES, I'LL WEAR PINK TROUSERS.'

I don't know, sometimes they made it kind of hard to love them.

I loved mine when I was a child.

I loved them, and respected them, as an adult.

It's sad you feel like that. I hope my kids don't.

She does sound odd then, tbh. Maybe she didnt find small children easy.

Do any of you who are giving me a hard time think I had normal non abusive parents who I just decided I couldn't be arsed loving one day?

I guess you do

She got a lot worse.

If you're kind to your children they will love you in adulthood. If you're abusive there's a high chance they'll find that difficult.

That sounds more than odd. It sounds unkind and frightening.

I can understand why you might come to the realisation you don't love your parents if they've treated you badly (I'm guessing lovebeing that there's a lot more to it than what you've said on here).

It's a bit of a taboo subject but some parents can be truly awful.

I kind of get you OP.

I feel like becoming a parent myself has unearthed all sorts of realizations about my own parents and tbh I think both me and them have struggled with our new roles since my children have come along.

It's quite hard to say but I don't always like them as people. Of course I have some form of unconditional love but that certainly doesn't overpower anything else.