To wonder what the hell I do when I cannot physically MAKE dd go to school?

[neighbourhoodwoes]

Dd has additional needs and is currently on the waiting list for Camhs. Mid year seven she started to REALLY struggle. School stepped in and offered self esteem sessions and lowered homework. Actually the level of homework was so bad that it has been dramatically cut for ALL this years year sevens.

Now in year 8. Meltdowns have increased and become aggressive as she now lashes out and are basically morning and night during school term.

She is very overwhelmed at the moment due to masses of revision for end of year tests, staff telling them exams are harder this year, commenting people have failed due to spelling and grammar. (which she struggles with) add to this the teacher changed the entire classroom layout and has sat her next to the class clown when she has sensory issues and hates change. I know they can't help the classroom layout change but it has just added to the boiling pot for dd :(

She completely lost it this morning. Sat in the hall and screamed then trashed the house, when she realised she was going to be late (she has never had a late mark ever in school she lost it more. Completely hysterical. I rang school. No one was available to speak to me. I eventually got her in forty minutes late.

Shes 13 and as big as me. I cannot physically drag her to school but I don't know what the hell to do.

Please help.

You need to get an appointment with whoever is the most senior in the college you can talk to. What they are describing happens with some students on some courses, organised via the school but what you want is a full time course. It is unusual but perfectly legal and many of the staff will not know about it.

Which bit of the OP regarding SEN did you miss pearlman?

School refusal can be very serious for a child. I had a real issue with DS last year and he is now in a special school and loves it.

Mainstream isn't right for all children and it sounds like she is feeling very pressured.

Ah pearlman has commented previously on the thread with the "tough love solves sensory issues" comments.

Damn...wish I had known that my child just needed "tough love" las year when he was falling apart in mainstream. I might not have needed the special school eh?

Cured in one easy approach.

So Pearl you read here that the OP's DD has SEN and is clearly extremely anxious when pressurised in any way, yet you still think adding more pressure (disguised as "no-nonsense") will help.

But well done on arriving at your independent diagnosis that this child is an attention seeker, despite all professional opinion to the contrary from people who have actually met her. Are you one of these people that think kids with additional needs are "just naughty"?

Sorry I have got to laugh at attention seeking.
She is already waiting to see the mental health team for other reasons. Has more than one sn diagnoses.
This is a child who I am continually told won't ask for help when she needs it and will struggle along in silence, she is often 'invisible' in class.
Yesterday after a full blown panic attack went to school straight afterwards.

She doesn't miss school because she doesn't want to go. She never has

Pearlman, what reason do you have to believe that your mum's way of dealing with her (presumably healthy) children has any reference to the OPs dd who has already been diagnosed with SN and MH issues.

I think it is vital that people should take exercise and not be lazy. Can't pay any attention to the fact that MIL happens to be paralysed- my mum walks everywhere, so why shouldn't she? Tough love does it, up you get, MIL!

Can you pay for private counselling sessions?
If you have private medical the pith work it may be covered.

Neighbourhood, I know how stressful this is. My DS was a school refuser from day one and was only diagnosed with ASD this year. I'm dreading secondary school because you physically cannot get them there can you. No advice just empathy

DS1 is yr 7 in a special provision for Autism.

The way they handle high stress is to reduce classes but not subjects. They aim to maintain full mainstream lessons for Maths, English and Science. If the teacher is absent so a replacement is in they cover the work in a quiet classroom. All non core subjects not attended are covered by supervised study.

DS arrives before the bell and leaves before the bell so he isn't in the hustle of people and associated sensory overload. He preffers solitude at breaks and lunch and has space in the provision to have this.

For him its worked really well. Hes built up to attending lots of classes and his stress levels are closely monitored.

I just wondered if there was a way for you DD to have some sort of temporary similar arrangement a sort of one term destress timetable without actually removing the work (its not often the work thats the stress) but aleviating as many other stresses as possible like the sensory overload and social teenage stress.

This thread is bringing up so many painful, distressing memories for me. OP, your dd sounds exactly like me when I was that age . Please continue to support her and be on her side, don't pressure or force her. I wish an adult in my life had actually listened to me at the time and not made me feel like ending my life at 13 was my only option.

Ah yes, the 'pull yourself together' cure for mental ill health. Worked so well for so many years for people with depression, anxiety and so on. Oh wait, it didn't. pearl if you can't take on board what has been said, find another thread to spout nonsense on, please.

OP, I do feel for you and I'm sorry CAMHS are so swamped where you are.
Keep pushing to get your DD the help she needs.

There is free seperate counselling from a charity locally. I am going to speak to them. I can only get that it is too loud in school, the other kids are annoying and she's frightened of failing.

Don'tfeed that sounds brilliant. She does have lunch and break provision.

I think the biggest problem is she masks at school so they don't see the worst of it and therefore don't see how much she needs help.