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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU, refusing to let my son go to a known criminals house for play date?

13 replies

Genx77 · 25/04/2016 18:29

I'm feeling a bit awkward about this. The background, my son has been invited to a party at a boys house, the boy is his friend, I vaguely know the mother, his father is largely absent in his life. The boys mum got a new partner a few months ago and he has moved in.
This weekend I learnt that the new partner has been to prison for a violent attack and is currently on probation.
I feel on the one hand that everyone deserves a second chance etc etc, but this is my child and I feel if I let him go I'll just be crossing my fingers and hoping for the best, it feels too much of a risk to expose him to a known criminal, although admittedly I don't know the backgrounds of all his friends parents either.
WWYD? And how can i phrase 'hell will freeze over before I let my child come for dinner at your house' in a slight less blunt fashion?

OP posts:

wonderingsoul · 25/04/2016 18:46

Sorry were busy that day?

MrsJayy · 25/04/2016 18:48

If it is a birthday party I would let him go its not his pals fault his mums new partners been in jail however if you really dont want him to go you are just going to say no and have the boy round to yours every time they want to play

ChemistryHunt · 25/04/2016 18:52

I understand where you are coming from. If I knew he person who had been in prison then I wouldn't worry, however without knowing them I wouldn't want my child going over there. I am aware the actual risk is pretty low, but I don't particularly like my children going anywhere with people I don't know.

I would just say you are busy TBH. Keep it open and vague.

Birdsgottafly · 25/04/2016 18:53

I'm quite liberal, but if I thought the Partner was going to be around, I'd leave it for at least a couple of months. It's very early days in the relationship.

Up until then, unfortunately, you're busy.

SuckingEggs · 25/04/2016 18:55

Yanbu. You need to get to know parents, surely, before doing that?

mrgrouper · 25/04/2016 18:58

I have a similar situation with an ex in law (armed robbery, drug dealing etc).
My son was allowed to go on trips out with the in law's son, however he is not allowed in the criminal's house.
The criminal concerned would never hit my son, but there are drugs all over the place and a guy with a machete turned up one day.
Unfortunately the last time we took the son out for a day out he made Islamophobic and racist comments to an Asian family at the zoo, so now all contact has had to stop.
It is a shame for the boy really, if this is the type of attitude his dad has towards Asian people, it is no wonder his son is picking up on it :(

Original poster

Genx77 · 25/04/2016 18:58

I've already said he will go, which makes things a bit more awkward. I feel like I'm punishing the little boy, it's obviously not his fault.

OP posts:

araiba · 25/04/2016 19:05

does he have a criminal record of attacking boys?

Original poster

Genx77 · 25/04/2016 19:07

I've no idea araiba, I only know the details of the crime he was imprisoned for recently......

OP posts:

SecretSquirrelsSecretFriend · 25/04/2016 19:11

I have a couple of friends, a friends partner and a family member who have had brushes with the law, more than brushes in some cases if I'm completely honest. To be honest I don't really have an issue with my daughter spending time with them but I know them. It's up to you. If you don't want him to go then I would go for sorry can't make it but DS would love if your DS wanted to come round a (different) x date if he's free? You are more than welcome to stay for a coffee/lunch insert as appropriate.

Get to know her.

Sillybillybonker · 25/04/2016 19:22

Keep away. If the mother is happy to have a partner like that then she is probably not very well adjusted. Best to keep away from problem families. I've learnt this through experience.

VestalVirgin · 25/04/2016 19:30

does he have a criminal record of attacking boys?

That's not the only issue here. It is the atmosphere in such a house. Not a good role model, and also potentially dangerous even if the man in question doesn't make a habit out of attacking boys.

TattyCat · 25/04/2016 19:30

No, I wouldn't let him go and I'd actively discourage that friendship. If it's a crime where violence was involved and he's been jailed then it was serious then however nice this man may appear, you don't know who may turn up at the house whilst your child is there, and it mightn't be pretty.

Life's hard enough without your DS potentially being exposed to things like that at a young age. Granted, you can't act for every eventuality but there are some things that you can mitigate.

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