To dislike baby showers?

[CatThiefKeith]

Where have they suddenly sprung from?

They make my teeth itch. Of the three I've been invited to, one had 60 invitees (presumably to get 60 gifts, because some of the people invited were really only well off aquaintances) one had a bloody gift list with the invite and the other was from my old slimming club leaders daughter that I'd already given a travel system to.

Surely, if you want to buy somebody a baby gift you do it after the baby is born, and don't need to be summoned to spend an afternoon with people you don't know playing weird baby related games and trying to guess the birth weight?

And lastly, surely to god if you were having one you should invite you mum, who looks after your existing child 3 days a week while you work? narrows eyes at sil

And again! In the US, the baby shower is for the first baby. It's given by the mum-to-be's friend(s)/collegue/etc. It's a women-only even, on a weekend afternoon. Venue can be just about anywhere - someone's house, a church hall, a function suite at a clubhouse. Sometimes there's fizz or wine but plenty are non-alcoholic.

They are not: get togethers or parties for before the baby comes, couples' parties or BBQs or at night or boozy parties, spa days or meals to 'get everyone together before the baby comes, no gifts affairs.

They are usually a couple of hours on a weekend afternoon.

America doesn't have a big welfare state. There are no Sure Start grants, you don't get child tax credit, child benefit, in fact, most have no paid maternity leave or if they do, it's only a few weeks.

So it may have sprung up as a tradition to help the parent with a first child.

They're completely normal in NZ as well, and I loved going to them for my family and friends when I was there. Like PP said, they're usually for first babies only, to help set up a wardrobe for the baby and other useful things. Getting in all you need for a baby can be expensive so family and close friends like to chip in.

We'd usually bring something like a couple of bibs or baby grows, or a special blanket, and then have an afternoon tea (or wine etc, depending on time of day). There might be advice given, guess the weight and arrival date, that kind of thing.

In my family it's typical to give the baby's present at the shower, and then do something for the Mum (and Dad) when the baby has arrived. Nice handcream, other pampering items, cook meals, do some cleaning or other housework, that sort of thing.

There's no freaking way id ever attend a gender reveal party and think they're the absolute height of tackiness and normally i couldn't give a crap what other people choose to do but seriously who cares enough what sex someone baby is to go to a party for it to find out if its "team pink" or "team blue". Yuk.

Similarly does anyone else find these pregnancy announcements on Facebook really cringey? Like when people make a fake movie cover saying "And that make 3: baby Jones coming to a family near you on the 4th of March! Starring Anna Jones, Tom Jones and Dog Jones". They're just tacky.

Hallowe'en is not American.

I recently declined my only ever invitation to a baby shower. I know the mum because our first dc are the same age and we met doing a class. Her best friend was organising it. There was a theme. The theme was not to be messed with. We were asked to bring some food, fine, but then there was a load pinterest stuff given to us and we were asked to pick one one the rather elaborate things from there to make. Lest we mess up the theme by just making sandwiches. Same with the decorations. Could we please chose something from the list provided to make so it was all in keeping. The happy couple had made a wish list for presents and the best friend gave us her bank details so that we could transfer money (£20-30 would get them everything on their list!!! Can we all dig deep pleeeeeeaasse!!!) to this person I have never met for a person a barely know to kit out their second child's nursery. You can all see why I declined right!!

Yeah, I'd have declined that, Nicky, and I do like a real baby shower. I'm American and lived there until I was in my 30s so have been to hundreds of baby showers and never once told exactly what to make for food, told how much money to spend on a gift or guilted . Or been to one for a second child.

Hmm. Maybe this thread says more about the people I know than actual baby showers.

Although in fairness none of the invites above came from close friends.

To be fair to my friend (who is quite nice!)she might not have realised how nuts her best friend was going. She seemed like she had too much time on her hands and fancied a baby shopping spree with several hundred pounds of other people's money!

If she's quite nice she would have told the friend NO, no organising shower as they're for a first child.