Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To dislike baby showers?

111 replies

CatThiefKeith · 25/04/2016 10:53

Where have they suddenly sprung from?

They make my teeth itch. Of the three I've been invited to, one had 60 invitees (presumably to get 60 gifts, because some of the people invited were really only well off aquaintances) one had a bloody gift list with the invite and the other was from my old slimming club leaders daughter that I'd already given a travel system to.

Surely, if you want to buy somebody a baby gift you do it after the baby is born, and don't need to be summoned to spend an afternoon with people you don't know playing weird baby related games and trying to guess the birth weight?

And lastly, surely to god if you were having one you should invite you mum, who looks after your existing child 3 days a week while you work? narrows eyes at sil

OP posts:

RaeSkywalker · 25/04/2016 11:17

Beauty yes it was brilliant, it was all of the parents-to-be's closest friends. We all brought fabric that 'meant' something, like university logos, cartoons the dad likes, etc. The bride's mum sent an off cut of her own wedding dress (she couldn't come due to illness). It was lovely.

TheCatsMeow · 25/04/2016 11:18

OP maybe it was just friends and not family?

neonrainbow · 25/04/2016 11:19

I wouldn't fall over myself to go to one unless it was a close friend or relative. Id like one but it would be afternoon tea at my favourite posh cafe with no gifts or games just all my friends and female relatives having a bit of a get together before the baby arrives. I don't like the idea of clothes and stuff before the baby gets here but i did read a suggestion of everyone bringing a children's book that either they or their children enjoyed to get some books for when the baby is older. I like that idea.

RaeSkywalker · 25/04/2016 11:19

Just realised I put "brides mum"! How bizarre- I meant "granny-to-be"

hellsbellsmelons · 25/04/2016 11:20

I cannot stand them.
I have to attend one soon and I will NOT be taking a present.
She will get a pressie when the baby has arrived and not before.
I find it all very odd.

Lostatseed · 25/04/2016 11:20

I've been to three. They were all horrendous.

Completely full of women who incessantly call other people 'hun'

Sallyingforth · 25/04/2016 11:21

It's just another grasping, greedy American invention to sell more stuff.

honkinghaddock · 25/04/2016 11:21

They make me feel uncomfortable as it feels like the celebration is too early (had a stillbirth which will effect my view). Not so much the get together as all the presents.

GinaBambino · 25/04/2016 11:22

I haven't RTFT yet but I am not having one for DS who is due in June. I just cannot be bothered. Plus we're in the process of moving and renovating our new house so the place is a shit tip! My mum and sisters probably wouldn't want to be there (as we just don't do this sort of thing dahlings) my best friend is TTC and doesn't mention anything to do with my impending arrival even though I'm the size of a small elephant and I see her once a week and the in laws have already bought me a branch of babies are us and mothercare so I really don't need anything else. It's literally just work colleagues who are trying to get me to have one. I think so they can get pissed at mine and buy me presents but they can do that anytime!

Original poster

CatThiefKeith · 25/04/2016 11:24

CatsMeow yes I daresay it was, but since she sees Mil at least 3 times every week and has managed not to mention it even once I think it's safe to say that she knew Mil would be hurt not to be invited.

And no, it wasn't a surprise, it is clear from some of the comments on the thread that it has been planned (by sil) for quite some time.

On the plus side though, dh is back in favour with mil for the first time since Christmas.

OP posts:

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 25/04/2016 11:24

Rae, I'd honestly be moved to tears if someone did that for me. What a lovely, thoughtful thing to do - and what a gift! That quilt would be utterly irreplaceable.

Original poster

CatThiefKeith · 25/04/2016 11:27

The quilt idea is lovely. But nothing like the showers I've been invited to unfortunately.

OP posts:

plumstone · 25/04/2016 11:29

CatsThief - I have been to two (invited to many more, but I have since the second Babyshower always had previous plans!)

The first was lovely - an American girl married to an old colleague and she just did it as it was tradition and the "done thing" where she came from. Nibbles, cakes wine, and a good catch up and gossip - no games and only lasted a couple of hours.

The second - was a pretentious, grabby afternoon tea in a stupidly expensive hotel and there was a LIST where she had REGISTERED for gifts - there are no words to describe my horror and I gave a bottle of whisky for the father - felt he would need it sooner rather than later - I am no longer in touch with said "friend" and don't miss her!

Original poster

CatThiefKeith · 25/04/2016 11:32

Plumstone the second one sounds exactly like the ones I've attended.

I could cope with the first, no problem, (especially the wine) but the secon type give me the horrors!

OP posts:

blinkyoullmissit · 25/04/2016 11:34

My friends planned s surprise one for me. It was so awkward. I hate being given gifts haha. I told everyone thank you but they shouldn't have felt obliged to bring anything.
I personally wouldn't go to another baby shower, especially if they had a gift list

crispytruffle · 25/04/2016 11:35

I love them and wish I was invited to more! The ones I've been to have always been more of a high tea in the garden affair rather than cringy games though!

Ifailed · 25/04/2016 11:41

Don't remember baby showers when our two were born (91 & 93), but was common for close friends/family to send or drop down presents "for the bottom drawer", especially for 1st born. Can't see anything wrong with the concept, except like so many celebrations they can become commercialised, graby and competitive.

PS 91 & 93 refers to dates, not ages - I'm not that old!

Justletthemeatcake · 25/04/2016 11:47

I don't like showers.
Feels very driven by money making companies.
I am also superstitious, I didn't want presents til after my dc were born. Particularly after a mc.

But if people are happy than that's great, I just feel they're another US import like the 'Rehearsal Dinner' as if everyone isn't already spending enough/beyond their means.

I mean if I were Beyonce and all my mates were zillionaires, hey! Shower me up! But for mortals? Feels weird.

Abecedario · 25/04/2016 11:49

I've been to three. One was at the mum to be's house with food, wine for those who wanted, and just a bit of a catch up. Small gifts given. It was ok. Second was similar only with addition of lots of baby themed games which were a bit cringey.

Latest was one of my closest friends who stressed that she really just wanted the opportunity to get together with her mates from all over the country before the baby arrived (she did something at home for family I think) and paid for us all to have afternoon tea at a nice hotel central for everyone. There was a fair amount of cutesy games etc organised by another friend of hers who is that way inclined, which were slightly dull but not as awful as some Ive heard of. My friend stressed she didn't want presents but obviously we all took one, small things though. I got something for her, and saved the baby gift till baby had arrived.

They'll never be my idea of a fun day out but if it was one of my nearest and dearest I'd go. Wouldn't go out of my way to attend one for someone I wasn't close to though.

Paperbacked · 25/04/2016 12:09

I think the reason the idea of them annoys me is the name, which writes the expectation of gifts into the concept, whether or not an individual pregnant woman or whoever is inviting on her behalf says she doesn't want them. A 'baby/bridal shower' by its nature is about presents - you are being 'showered' with gifts. That's the reason it's called that, not because it involves bathrooms or walks in the rain.

By all means have a late pregnancy get together with friends, but call it something else, for God's sake.

And if anyone starts with the games involving sniffing different chocolate bars melted into Pampers to look like curdled baby shite or 'identify the fellow guest from a baby photo' or 'mock up what the baby will look like from cut-up photos of the parents', take them outside and kill them with your bare hands.

I'm serious about the last part.

SpaceDinosaur · 25/04/2016 12:35

I've hosted a few. My girlfriends and I organise them as a surprise for the pg mum with her PFB.
We typically invite the same group as we invited for her Hen party and also her mum.

Baby Shower:
Group of girls
Hosted at someone's home
Bit of music
Some food
Tea
Usually Buck's Fizz.
Friends in other countries Skype in.
Mum to be is offered "advice" (usually our advise is to ignore everyone's advise going forward and to practice smiling and nodding)

Absolutely no gift lists (Jesus)
Most people give their "new baby" gift at the shower. I guess our idea is that if you buy something for a newborn or 0-3mths then they have it for when baby arrives.

Sadly we are all awful for spoiling each other and so when babies arrive and we are invited to meet them we come along with more goodies. Typically a butt load of stuff for mum.

IcingandSlicing · 25/04/2016 12:50

Baby showers together with stag/hen nights are things I don't see the purpose of.
It gives me the vibe that you're making yourself a fool for a couple of presents in advance. So what if anything happens during birth (god forbid but childbirth is unpredictable)?
I'd rather celebrate after.

Mousefinkle · 25/04/2016 12:55

Oh god. When I had first DC my step-mil tried to arrange a shower for me in secret. exH wasn't good at keeping secrets so told me what was happening. I would have been 36 weeks at the time and she wanted me to dress up like an overgrown baby with a dummy . I told her where to go. I'm not a centre of attention, everyone look at me type of person anyway nor do I particularly enjoy family get togethers and at 36 weeks pregnant feeling like an obese penguin it was my idea of a NIGHTMARE.

They're just sooo American. They suit cliche American culture. Corny, overly sentimental, a bit crass . They're definitely not the British way. We wet the babies head with alcohol and buy gifts when the baby has been born. I wouldn't attend one.

Alconleigh · 25/04/2016 13:19

I think they are probably lovely in America. Where they are a tradition and everyone knows how to do them. And Americans in my experience are generally very generous and friendly people who are good at graciously giving and receiving, and extend it to practical stuff like welcome meals for new neighbours etc.

When they happen in the UK though they often seem to be co opted by the least gracious people, which is where problems can set in. Plus they are in direct opposition to the traditional UK approach of giving a gift after the birth. Which I have to say I won't deviate from. I will only buy a gift for a baby who's been delivered safe and well.

The games sound like a horror show. I don't think I'd be invited to that sort of one though so I am probably safe.

Monstertrucker · 25/04/2016 13:38

DSis had one recently - and no one told me about it - I found out through Facebook pics. I couldn't have gone anyway (live too far away) but could have sent a card or Skyped - did me a favour though really as I too think them grabby and wouldn't want to give anything until baby has safely arrived.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5