Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike baby showers?

111 replies

CatThiefKeith · 25/04/2016 10:53

Where have they suddenly sprung from?

They make my teeth itch. Of the three I've been invited to, one had 60 invitees (presumably to get 60 gifts, because some of the people invited were really only well off aquaintances) one had a bloody gift list with the invite and the other was from my old slimming club leaders daughter that I'd already given a travel system to. Hmm

Surely, if you want to buy somebody a baby gift you do it after the baby is born, and don't need to be summoned to spend an afternoon with people you don't know playing weird baby related games and trying to guess the birth weight?

And lastly, surely to god if you were having one you should invite you mum, who looks after your existing child 3 days a week while you work? narrows eyes at sil

OP posts:
BillBrysonsBeard · 25/04/2016 13:53

Sometimes I feel so far removed from life! I've never had one or been to one but they sound like just another excuse to get presents.

bananafish81 · 25/04/2016 14:03

Friend had one, I couldn't attend, but was asked to write a note of advice in a baby book - to her named as yet unborn daughter, and sent a present via Amazon wishlist (she lived abroad so wasn't practical to give presents in person)

Made me very very uncomfortable to be buying anything for the baby before she had safely arrived.

I'm not superstitious, I just know how heartbreaking it was for a friend to come home after a still birth to loads of baby boy stuff for the baby boy who never came home from hospital

Pixienott0005 · 25/04/2016 15:40

I hate baby showers. Boring and greedy. And no one will Be getting a second gift if I've already bought one.

SpaceDinosaur · 25/04/2016 16:49

If they're organised as a surprise for the mum then I don't think them greedy.
Greedy is having a gift list
Expecting money
Expecting a shower of gifts. Hmm

I like them. It fees like a lovely opportunity for a get together, a chat and to spend some quality time with friends before her baby arrives.
The gifts are incidental.

AppleMagic · 25/04/2016 17:00

I'm not a fan of baby showers but your mil sounds like a massive drama llama.

midlifehope · 25/04/2016 17:05

YANBU

I don't understand - birth is a perilous thing, and yes 9/10 of the time, fine. But why would you count chicks or babes before thy are hatched?

WorraLiberty · 25/04/2016 17:09

YANBU

And they're almost always a > 'surprise' for the mum-to-be.

Yet I'm quite sure their best friends would have their tits cut off, if they didn't arrange the 'surprise' Grin

Beedoo123 · 25/04/2016 17:12

I've been to a couple where we had afternoon tea which were really just a lovely girly afternoon...

But the ones with games and presents? Not for me!

MadamDeathstare · 25/04/2016 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GooodMythicalMorning · 25/04/2016 17:15

Yes it's the whole giving the baby things before the baby is born. I don't like the games either but it's sweet when someone arranges a surprise one for a good friend rather than by the mother to be which just makes it seem grabby.

Didn't have any myself but preferred that my friends came down after baby was born to see them each time. More private and special time with the baby.

TheCatsMeow · 25/04/2016 17:42

I don't like baby showers, but I'd never thought of that - do you buy anything before you give birth?

Middleclassmumnetter · 25/04/2016 18:06

I have posted about this previously, and I did get some interesting insight in to the differences between the USA and UK versions of baby showers.
Being that in USA they have v little maternity provision compared to us in terms of mat leave, going back weeks rather than months after giving birth, and depending on insurance have to pay for scans etc. So it's very expensive being pregnant/giving birth compared to here. Therefore close friends and family host a shower to provide essentials so mother to be has them when needed and ease the cost. Which made sense to me (and I do realise that this won't be the case for every mum to be in America, but does explain how the tradition originated). I don't see it as 'grabby' as close friends and family will always want to give s gift, and the tradition of there is before as part of a gathering, rather than after in separate visits as was the 'done thing' here.
We just seem to have taken this tradition and re-iterated in the worst possible way, rendering it grabby and forced.

I prefer to give a gift after baby born and struggle with the etiquette of turning up empty handed, or with something 'token' and inexpensive.
I went with the latter option at the most recent one I went to, and said "this is just something little as I've got something I want to give when baby arrives". However I still felt Blush when big extravagant presents were opened and mine was basically some miniature toiletries (nicely wrapped, for hospital bag, but still), I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed.

TheNotoriousPMT · 25/04/2016 18:18

Not a fan.

Much prefer to wait until after baby has safely arrived.

However, my opinion is coloured by a friend who's having a baby shower for a second child. She hasn't said thank you for the first kid's present yet Angry

elh1605 · 25/04/2016 18:22

I've 'thrown' 2 baby showers for my 2 bf's and had a surprise one myself and I think they're lovely and a nice way to spoil a mum to be who may not be 'feeling the love' in the later stage of pregnancy. I really appreciated mine as I was having a bit of a rubbish time with SPD and obstetric Cholestatis and was due to be induced and they kept changing things so it was a lovely surprise. But as someone has already said its 'not the MN way'

Unmarriedhousewife · 25/04/2016 18:22

Hands up hater here!! Grabby and american tripe. Everyone feels obliged to bring gift and then again when baby arrives.
My friend threw me a surprise baby shower (at my house!!!) Luckily my lovely mum are warned me in advance so house was impressively immaculate - friend made me sit in middle of guests and open gifts - was the most excruciatingly embarrassing thing I have ever done.When she had a baby a year later I naturally repaid favour but instead organised a lovely 2 courses for £10 lunch at a local restaurant and she took her gifts home.

manicinsomniac · 25/04/2016 18:27

Oh, I like them. I've never been to one for a close friend or family member but at my work we always have one at the end of the school day on the day that the person is heading off for maternity leave. It's a lovely way to say goodbye and we probably won't see them as soon as the baby's born to give a gift then, anyway. I like the games too, they're fun.

Icingandslicing - so what if something terrible does happen? If someone has to go through the unimaginably painful experience of losing a child I doubt that worrying over the fact that people have already given them gifts is going to be especially high on their agenda.

underrugsswept · 25/04/2016 18:30

I avoid them at all costs except for family when I can't get out of them!

WoodleyPixie · 25/04/2016 18:32

So what's the etiquette on showers for second/third babies? I thought it wasn't the done thing?

I dislike baby shower. I guess because personally I would find it very awkward. I did have lunch with friends on my last day of work and was presented with a voucher but it wasn't a shower and no games etc. We literally went to the hospital canteen had lunch and brought back coffee and cakes for those left staffing the ward.

The idea of gift lists and games and people organising a 'surprise' event with lots of people and gifts makes me cringe.

Teddy1410 · 25/04/2016 18:40

I had a baby shower and it was lovely. Just a few friends and family. Had it 6 weeks before baby was due so some people gave presents at the time and others have when baby was born!
It was my first baby so it felt like it was celebrating the start of a new chapter... Bit soppy but you get my point! Probably wouldn't have one with my second but I ddint arrange it so who knows!

TheNotoriousPMT · 25/04/2016 18:42

So what's the etiquette on showers for second/third babies? I thought it wasn't the done thing?

You thought correctly.

Miss Manners agrees.

expatinscotland · 25/04/2016 18:43

'So what's the etiquette on showers for second/third babies? I thought it wasn't the done thing? '

It's not.

Strokethefurrywall · 25/04/2016 18:44

Wholeheartedly agree with MadamDeathstare

Yet another "lets bash Americans and their shite traditions" thread. You can pretty much guarantee that anything related to baby showers is going to turn into one of those.

Advance search any baby shower related threads and they'll all say exactly the same thing.

Lazyafternoon · 25/04/2016 18:45

My sister had one. Organised it herself. We sat about a bit. Opened a bottle of prosecco which we all had a thimble of. Ate cake. Drank tea. One friend bought a present which was opened and gushed over. None of the rest of us had and felt awkward - but then felt we had to justify that we were planning on getting gifts after baby was born (didn't know sex).

Horrible awkward thing and don't know the point.

TheSuspiciousMsWhicher · 25/04/2016 18:49

On the whole I don't mind them for first babies. I think it's a nice idea for the mum-to-be to celebrate with her female friends - and I welcome any excuse for a party. However, I have been to one or two awful ones where it was just really awkward and the 'entertainment' consisted of really cringy games. (Guess which chocolate bar has been melted into this nappy? Anyone?)

I do not like baby showers for second or subsequent babies though. Just tacky IMO. My SIL is having one for her second baby - less than 18 moths after her first was born - and I think that is a bit of an etiquette fail.

DragonLady123 · 25/04/2016 18:51

I've been to a couple and really enjoyed them. They were organised by friends for the mum to be, and we all brought food to share and gifts were up to individual. It was a nice way to wish friends luck, tell them we were there for them if they needed us, and say we would miss them whilst they were focused on a newborn. No silly games or dressing up.