to think it's unnecessary for both parents to go to toddler group?

[LissaLoves]

On a Wednesday I take 15 month old DS to a sensory arty type group in the morning and him and his 4 year old sister to a toddler group in the afternoon. In between, we usually have lunch out - either a picnic at the park near DDs nursery or at the cafe near there so we're out from 10.30-3.30 when we return from school with DD8.

After a chat about DP needing to get more involved with the DC (currently they want nothing to do with him and for him to not do anything for them) he suggested that he come along on a Wednesday rather than do his hobby like he usually does when he has a Wednesday off (usually alternate weeks.) I agreed it was a good way to get involved but I don't see that we should both go; I think it's a one parent thing and that it'd be ideal if I could have that time without them to get some jobs done. He's not backing out saying he doesn't think he can go alone I've offered to go together the first time so he knows where he's going etc. but he really thinks we should go together each time.

Aibu to think that toddler groups like this are not meant for a family outing?

Oh dear God!

Why? He can't get any pleasure from being a parent!

Well ideally this would have come up as an issue when dc1 was small. DH was a bit tentative when he first ran the show for a day but we'd come up with a few activities that weren't classic mum and baby territory and he quickly found one that worked and it became their 'thing'.
He needs to find something that he and you feel comfortable with him doing even it it's just taking one to the park.

He wants more?! It sounds like the children have no respect for him-understandably if he is as incompetent as he is portrayed. Why does he think it'll be different with your DS?
In reply to your original question, it would be a bit odd for both parents to go to the art session but not so much if you have 2 children to supervise. I would defer some decision making to him, e.g. If DD asks for help, perhaps encourage her to ask him to help?
I think our local council does groups for dads to encourage them to become more confident with looking after their children, would he be open to this sort of thing?

Sounds like he's more focused on mastery, forcing his superiority and control on a situation than things like empathy, understanding and care.

That's natural if he's so avoidant and doesn't have any kind of relationship with his children.

The blatant sexism about wanting a boy as girls are weird... Well if you did have that oh so precious boy, and he did try and bond with him right from the off, you'll have a family where the oldest girls are unloved and unwanted by their father, and a clear difference between his active love and bond with the little boy, and total aversion from the girls.

Sounds utterly hideous to me.

Can you explain that he cannot even think about trying for another child until he can be a good father to his existing children. At the moment, he's being extremely selfish, like a spoilt little kid tantrum mind for his favourite flavor of ice cream.

Oh that one doesn't have something between its legs, I'll just throw it away and make a new one...

I wonder if he knows quite how vile he is being? Or quite how unattractive? Ugh!

I find it sad that his children don't want to do anything with him.
How long has this been going on?
Maybe some parenting classes would help him, it can't be good for the children nor him.
I've never heard of a parent not being involved with their children before.