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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

House inheritance what to do? WIBU?

99 replies

Fizzielove · 23/04/2016 20:49

So as I'm sure some of you are aware my DH and I are renovating my parents house to move into. I was the sole inheritor.

I guess when probate is completed the house will go into my name?
Would I be unreasonable to put the house in DC names? Can I do that? Can I get DH to sign to say he has no investment in the house? Just to clarify we have a great marriage and have been together 17 years! But you read so many bad stories of women being left (or men) and the other half taking them to the cleaners.

Basically I want to safe guard my parents hard work for the next generation no matter what happens to me! Is it possible to do this? I'm also not sure how I'd go about asking DH to sign something like that!?

Opinions? WIBU to try to do something or should I just stumble on and hope that we live happily ever after?

OP posts:

JudyCoolibar · 12/07/2016 07:56

Of course you don't only own half of the house. If it was left to you on your own, you own all of it.

00100001 · 12/07/2016 07:58

Also, YABU.

If this was happenign to me, I'd seriously question my marriage. if my spouse of 17 years is now putting money first and implies that they didn't trust me not to kick our kids out of the family home. I'd think they were planning on leaving me high and dry.

QuiteLikely5 · 12/07/2016 07:58

It's a marital asset. Whichever way you try to dress it up. If you divorce then the judge will decide regardless of anything else.

That is the bottom line ^^

carabos · 12/07/2016 08:03

My parents divorced and both remarried. My father died recently, leaving everything to my stepmother - a woman who contributed nothing to the accumulation of his estate as she never worked and he was already at the peak of his career when they married. She has written her will leaving all of her assets to her own adult sons, meaning that DSiS and I will get nothing.

We know that was not his intention, but there is nothing we can do about it.

saffronwblue · 12/07/2016 08:07

Has the house been in your family for generations? Is this continuity what you are trying to protect? I agree with pps that anything you put in place has the potential to derail a happy marriage.

00100001 · 12/07/2016 08:08

judy i think people are syaing as she is married, her DH would have a claim to half of it as a marital asset in the event of a divorce.

Babycham1979 · 12/07/2016 08:11

Eurgh! More MN double-standards. 'What's his is minenand what's mone is mine'. No wonder so many men get the impression they're aeen as nothing more than ATMs.

Aa others have said, role reversal would lead to hundreds of posts shouting 'red flag' and 'ltb'!

JudyCoolibar · 12/07/2016 08:12

00100001, my post was in response to Dandelion who claimed OP only owned half the house.

grannytomine · 12/07/2016 08:23

Marilyn'sbigsister, I think you are wrong. I know someone who inherited the family home in this way, it in somesort of trust so the house would be his but the surviving parent had a right to live in it for life. When the surviving parent needed to move into more suitable housing due to disabilities as they got older, my friend agreed to the house being sold and a suitable bungalow being bought but it was still in the trust for them.

OP see a solicitor, I don't see it as being some great disadvantage to your OH, I am sure he would be happy to protect the children and he has the advantage of spending the rest of his life in a house that he doesn't have to pay rent on or mortgage. Of course he will also know that if he dies first the children will be protected if you remarry.

grannytomine · 12/07/2016 08:24

carabos, I have seen the same thing happen. It is sad when you know it isn't what your father would have wanted.

grannytomine · 12/07/2016 08:26

00100001 but surely that would be if the house was in OPs name. If its in a trust for the children then I don't think that would apply. Well it didn't to the person I know, the surviving parent wasn't happy initially and solicitors were involved but the trust did stand.

Ireallydontseewhy · 12/07/2016 08:35

Thanks scary. I must admit i wonder if a life interest in possession affects relationships in a way that wouldn't happen if the remaining spouse is left the entire house - does it imperceptibly create a feeling that the remaining spouse with the life interest doesn't really 'own' it (well obviously s/he doesn't) - i could imagine in some cases it could lead to friction?
Interesting to hear of someone as well who did successfully downsize where there was a life interest in possession - i know legally it is possible but wonder if in practice it gives rise to arguments because the beneficiaries presumably have to agree on the new property purchase? What if the beneficiaries don't think the new property is a good investment?

00100001 · 12/07/2016 08:38

sorry judy

00100001 · 12/07/2016 08:40

granny I don't know the particular ins and outs about trusts. But it could possibly be seen as a marital asset.

Also, I just think it's poor form for the OP to do this to her DH.

bakeoffcake · 12/07/2016 08:42

How many houses do you have?

If it's just the inherited one, then you'd be very unreasonable to cut out your H.

If you have two houses then I don't think there's anything wrong in leaving one of them to the DC.

grannytomine · 12/07/2016 08:44

I don't see protecting children as bad form, surely it is what parents do? I know of a case where a vulnerable adult child was living at home with parents. The mother died and father remarried and when he died the adult child was thrown out and the house subsequently went to the 2nd wife's children. The first wife wouldn't have wanted that, as I understand it (friend of a friend) the mother was happy that her son had a home for life, she didn't envisage him in a bedsit with another woman's children selling her home.

PrimalLass · 12/07/2016 08:45

I would try and make sure that half the house goes to your children in the event of your death.

A friend of mine is in a similar situation, where her childhood home will now pass straight to her father's new wife and out of the 'family'. She is devastated, not because of the money, but because how hurt her mum would have been.

00100001 · 12/07/2016 08:45

protecting children because you don't trust your DH of 17 years+ to do so? that's poor from for me.

branofthemist · 12/07/2016 08:48

No way would I live in a house with dh, contribute to bills, have joint finances etc. For him to be able to divorce me and me not be able to have enough money for a place of my own.

Yes I would want my kids to have the house. But the op is trying to be prepared for what happens in the event of divorce. So the husband needs to be thinking this way too.

Would he be happy to find himself, in 10 years time, having to leave his home and getting nothing to be able to set up a new home.

Because I wouldn't.

Dh inherited some money from his grandparents. It went in joint savings until we decided what to with it. I am about to inherit a small sum. The same will be done with that.

We're both happy with this - protects us both with respect to a right to live in our house and most importantly protects our son.

the poster who says this has two homes. The op hasn't said her dh owns a property in his own that he wouldn't have to give her half of if they divorced.

HidingUnderARock · 12/07/2016 08:51

Thoughts that came to mind, idk if they are true.

If your kids own property will that prevent them from claiming means tested benefits if/when they need to?

What if they want/need to live in a different part of the country, and need money for a home, or to claim benefits, or get divorced?

If I were your DH I would be gutted to discover the train of thought you were having. I know bad stuff happens, but sometimes it can be a self fulfilling prophecy. Imagine putting it in the kids names, and when they feel they need to kick you out, and when you plead with them not to, they quote back how you treated their dad.
I can't imagine how you could ask that inoffensively or without repercussions.

100paperclips · 12/07/2016 08:53

Something to think about is that if the house is in your children's name, they'd be able to evict you.

I would be more worried that your child as a teenager or young adult would meet an undesirable boyfriend or girlfriend who fancied living in your house (without you there!) than your stable marriage of 17 years crumbles and you and your husband have a bitter separation where you try to take each other to the cleaners.

ApostrophesMatter · 12/07/2016 08:56

Very unfair on your DH.

Piemernator · 12/07/2016 09:02

I totally get why this proposal is running through the originals posters head.

Money issues always get clouded because emotion gets mixed up with practicality. I always go for the practical.

saffronwblue · 12/07/2016 09:08

Are you picturing that ultimately your dc will live there together with their own families is it huge or that they will sell it and shAre the proceeds or one will buy out the others share?

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