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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

House inheritance what to do? WIBU?

99 replies

Fizzielove · 23/04/2016 20:49

So as I'm sure some of you are aware my DH and I are renovating my parents house to move into. I was the sole inheritor.

I guess when probate is completed the house will go into my name?
Would I be unreasonable to put the house in DC names? Can I do that? Can I get DH to sign to say he has no investment in the house? Just to clarify we have a great marriage and have been together 17 years! But you read so many bad stories of women being left (or men) and the other half taking them to the cleaners.

Basically I want to safe guard my parents hard work for the next generation no matter what happens to me! Is it possible to do this? I'm also not sure how I'd go about asking DH to sign something like that!?

Opinions? WIBU to try to do something or should I just stumble on and hope that we live happily ever after?

OP posts:

PPie10 · 23/04/2016 21:25

Why is it that, when the man comes into money (whether from hard work or inheritance), "all money is family money", but when the woman does, "all the woman's money is her money"??

Completely agree with this. The advice would be absolutely different the other way around.

OTheHugeManatee · 23/04/2016 21:26

Is he the father of the children?

He seems like a bit vestigial in the way you describe your family ('my children', 'my house') - is he a second husband? If he's the father of the children I think YABU.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 23/04/2016 21:26

Dh isn't the stepdad I don't think. He's the dad of the dc?

I don't think it's fair on him at all and if my Dh tried this on me I would refuse to move in.

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 23/04/2016 21:26

You can add a clause that he can stay in it until he dies.

I would do exactly this, OP, and don't feel bad about it. We had a beautiful family home that was worth around £400,000 and my dad sold it after we lost our mum. He then bought a house with another woman and although this marriage later ended, he walked away a much poorer man.

My mum would have killed him! :)

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 23/04/2016 21:31

So imagine in ten years time you divorce. Maybe you've met another bloke and kick him out. He has no claim on the house even though he's paid bills and renovated it. House prices have continued to rise and he finds himself not able to get on the property ladder? Hardly fair is it?

And actually if he's been renovating it I think you'll find he does have a claim on the house. There's actually a bloke who has taken his ex girlfriend to court about this recently. She bought a house with her money, he renovated it for her, they weren't married, didn't have kids, fairly short term period of about a year and she ended up kicking him out. He's claiming 60k and I think he deserves it.

Wtafquestionmark · 23/04/2016 21:33

I have to say I agree with the previous poster. You're married, all assets are marital assets. Having just divorced myself I can tell you it makes no difference whose name the property is in, even if it is in the dcs names a judge can & will reverse this if he thinks it necessary/fair.

Gatehouse77 · 23/04/2016 21:38

If you talk to a will writer they can explain about STEP powers and things you can put in place for MAD (marriage after death)

novemberchild · 23/04/2016 21:39

So, you marry him, have his children, he can help renovate the house and pay the bills, but you'll make sure he gets nothing if you die first?

I think that's a bit of a raw deal, you know...

booitsme · 23/04/2016 21:40

Even if house is in your sole name doesn't mean that upon divorce it wouldn't be treated as a marital asset. Inheritances can usually only be treated separately (I.e ring fenced and not a marital asset) if the inheritance is not intermingled with marital assets I.e always treated separately in a bank account or separate house (not family home). Also the court first considers if everyone's needs can be adequately met before deciding if inheritances can be ring fenced. If both of your housing needs etc were met there could be an argument there's a surplus and you should keep some/all of inheritance.

Regarding leaving the inheritance or majority to kids... You can leave your money to whoever you want. You don't have to leave it all to your husband. However if he has been dependent on you then it is likely he will be able to make a claim on your estate. Also you don't want it all tied up in a trust that the children dont get until they are adults if you were to die early. He would need to provide a roof over their heads and maintain them. I'd speak to dh and explain your concern is if you were to die early and leave it all to him that you would want the children to also inherit. It does sound like you may want a trust that allows dh to live comfortably but also leaves the kids an amount. You should see a private client lawyer (trusts and wills). I am a family lawyer and mediator but this is just generic info and not detailed advice.

Primaryteach87 · 23/04/2016 21:43

You can do a deed of variation of the will and then our house in trust for children when you die, with right for you to live there rent-free

Pedestriana · 23/04/2016 21:46

I'd seek legal advice.
Was talking to a friend recently whose mother died last year. Mother lived next door to her and left her house to friend's DC. Friend's DC has a house and family and no wish to uproot to be nearer to parents. Friend is now trying to sort out with solicitor to see how this can be overcome.

Original poster

Fizzielove · 23/04/2016 22:03

Just to be clear. I would make allowances that DH would be able live in the house for his lifetime, he is my DCs father and only husband. DH would get all my life assurance paid to him.

OP posts:

threestars · 23/04/2016 22:11

What if one of your children developed a gambling addiction when older and creditors took the house to pay off debts?
There are many aspects to consider, but I'm sure your solicitor will advise on all possible outcomes.

Marilynsbigsister · 24/04/2016 06:59

OP. Is this inherited property your family home that you and your DH are going to live in with your children. ? and you are married to their dad and have been for 17 yrs. ? Then I do not believe you can 'squirrel away' a marital asset no matter what clever trust/inheritance planning you do. A judge would quite rightly add this property to 'the pot' when working out who needs to be housed etc. The thought of him 'getting his hands on your property should he leave you' seems to be your greatest concern. Sorry but divorces are decided fairly by a judge (when no agreement can be reached) regardless of being a man or a woman and you cannot avoid this happening. What a judge decides however, will be on a case by case basis.

Your plan to 'allow' him to,stay there for life should you die first is very magnanimous. Can you honestly imagine a man asking this question. 'I have inherited a family home which we are doing up to live in but don't want my wife of 17 yrs to be able to have a claim on it..'

How about you die first. Haven't divorce, but your DH would like to buy a smaller place when he is older. Are you seriously suggesting he cannot sell your family home. ?

Perhaps you already have another house that you both own. ? Maybe you would like to sign over your interest in that to 'make it fair'.

Kwirrell · 24/04/2016 07:11

Speak to a solicitor about writing a Will Trust. This will leave a life interest In the house for your husband but your children will inherit on his death. You need to check the wording carefully to ensure that it absolutely clearly it says what you want.

Remember also that any inheritance for your children, might have to be shared with their ex if they divorce.

Ireallydontseewhy · 24/04/2016 07:23

With a life interest in possession the trustees can in some cases allow the life tenant to sell and move somewhere else, i think - but i am not an expert! It may depend on the terms of your trust. There may be some tax implications of a trust - i don't know.
It is quite difficult to leave enough for your dspouse to live on and ensure your dcs' still inherit, unless you are very rich. But there are enough cases of 'surviving spouse remarries and leaves everything to new spouse, nothing going to dc' to make it something to at least consider - even if ultimately you decide against anything complicated.

curren · 24/04/2016 07:26

I have to say, if dh did this to me I would be totally fucked off.

He could divorce me, leave me without a home? No thanks.

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 24/04/2016 07:31

Op is not suggesting that her husband be cast out on the streets.

Eventually, all being well (!), I presume OP foresees she and her husband living until a ripe old age and probably dying within five years of each other. After the remaining spouse dies, their children inherit the property and other assets and what they do with the money/assets then, is, of course, their business.

However, should the property remain in OP and her husbands name and she was to die in five years' time, the property goes to her husband. There is a chance, and based on what I know about men after their wives die, a good chance, that he will re-marry very promptly and as such, the NOK will naturally be his new wife.

That might seem like a lot of ifs buts and maybes but it in fact isn't. A lot of the time it isn't about trust but safeguarding and common sense. Most of you I imagine trust your husband to be safe drivers but put on your seat belts anyway. I am afraid that when grieving, people DO do foolish and impulsive things that sometimes they later regret and I could regale everyone with countless tales of how after the death of one parent the other parent, previously loving and devoted in every way, suddenly decides the children are second.

OP and her husband would be leaving the house to their children anyway. She is not proposing giving this property to a donkey sanctuary. This will make no difference in real terms to her husband at all.

Babyboyfinn · 24/04/2016 07:35

Also, bear in mind op that there will be tax payable if/when you put the property into your dc's names.

ApocalypseSlough · 24/04/2016 07:36

Just leave it be. Even consulting a solicitor/ amending wills could entail costs and don't even think of setting up a trust- they're money pits. It's a marital asset. Enjoy your house and your marriage and don't worry.

SpoiltUngratefulWretch · 24/04/2016 07:36

I understand your concerns. I think if the marriage broke up he should be entitled to half of everything just as you would be had you not inherited a whole house and had you spent years living on his income alone in a house paid for by him. But I totally get your fears about what might happen if you died and he remarried and your parents assets ended up being split between your children and their potential stepmother, step siblings or half siblings. I do think you have a very valid point.

If I were you I'd ask a solicitor to draw up a contract or a will that gets your DH to agree that none of the money from the house will ever go anywhere but to your children regardless of who either of you might end up with if your marriage ended for any reason.

curren · 24/04/2016 07:37

But the OP is planning for what happens if they were to divorce.

So he needs to look at it from the same point of view too. Not matter how unlikely, what happens if we split?

StrictlyMumDancing · 24/04/2016 07:40

My parents and myself and DH have wills that say is anyone passes their half of the house goes to the DC in trust, with provision for the survivor to stay for as long as they want or need. I suppose its a lot easier as the intention is to share the homes but protect the asset for the next generation. AFAIK thats not too unstandard. With your case if you don't intend to leave any to your DH at all though then it may be a bit different (or not have it as a marital asset).

WordGetsAround · 24/04/2016 07:44

I think that your relationship with your husband is more predictable than your relationship with your children - and particularly their future relationships!

I think what you are suggesting is very unfair to your DH, but also unwise re your own future financial security.

Also, if you are unsure about how you go about asking your DH about this, I would say you're not feeling very confident about the 'rightness' of this idea.

Maybe in the future you and your DH can do something to protect the house for future generations, but for now enjoy your family life there - and the financial security it offers you both.

Lunar1 · 24/04/2016 07:52

Do you own your home now or rent?

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