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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

House inheritance what to do? WIBU?

99 replies

Fizzielove · 23/04/2016 20:49

So as I'm sure some of you are aware my DH and I are renovating my parents house to move into. I was the sole inheritor.

I guess when probate is completed the house will go into my name?
Would I be unreasonable to put the house in DC names? Can I do that? Can I get DH to sign to say he has no investment in the house? Just to clarify we have a great marriage and have been together 17 years! But you read so many bad stories of women being left (or men) and the other half taking them to the cleaners.

Basically I want to safe guard my parents hard work for the next generation no matter what happens to me! Is it possible to do this? I'm also not sure how I'd go about asking DH to sign something like that!?

Opinions? WIBU to try to do something or should I just stumble on and hope that we live happily ever after?

OP posts:

Ireallydontseewhy · 24/04/2016 07:52

It would be interesting to know how the life interest in possession works in practice - has anyone had any experience of this? It does sound as rhough potentially it could work for op, but does it give rise to problems in practice - eg if the 'life tenant' wants to sell and move somewhere smaller, but the trustees don't all agree. What are the cgt implications (if any!). Does eveyone end up falling out?
It isn't even really a question of not trusting your spouse - if they remarry then their dnewspouse (or any new dc) may have a dependency claim on spouse's death. Or if they go bankrupt (possibly less likely). So 'dh would never disinherit our dc' does not cover all eventualities. Would be interesting to know how many people do the life interest in possession option - i wonder if it is becoming more common as people become more aware?

Molecule · 24/04/2016 08:00

I would be very careful, and take on board much of he advice given here. I have no idea what your marital assets come to, but if the house is 50% and you put it in trust for the children a judge, come divorce, may well say the house was your 50% of the assets and you chose to give it to the children, and so your DH gets the other 50%. You'd be somewhat scuppered with that arrangement.

Also, you have absolutely no idea what your future needs will be, you may need a more suitable house for your needs as you get older. Very few people stay in the family home all their lives, and often when they do their needs are compromised. It may be that in the future you sell it, release some equity and are able to help your children with deposits on their first homes.

As you have more than one child, one thing is pretty much certain, on your and your husband's deaths they will sell the house.

dowhatnow · 24/04/2016 08:09

I think you husband would agree to put the house into tenants in common rather than joint tenants. This is what we have done. You both own half each but you can leave your own half to your children if you die, with a life interest for the other person.
Prevents the partner remarrying and your kids get nothing scenario, and also means only half the house can be used for care home fees for the surviving spouse.

If I was your dh I would be upset to not be entitled to anything but I'd be happy for you to protect half of it and vice versa.

SavoyCabbage · 24/04/2016 08:14

My aunt's marital home was put in her dc names when she hand her do father got divorced. When the boys grew up, one of them wanted the money so forced the sale of the house. She has never recovered financially and they don't speak at all now. It was over 20 years ago.

Werksallhourz · 24/04/2016 08:26

I'd be wary of putting the house in your dcs' names if it is your sole residence.

It's not just that they could evict you or sell the house from under you, but that they could also potentially use the house as security for a loan.

This happened to my dh's aunt and uncle. Their home was in their daughter's name and unknown to them, her dh persuaded her to use the property as collateral for a large loan for his business - - then his business collapsed.

The result was that he couldn't make the loan payments and the first thing dh's aunt and uncle knew about it was that a letter came saying the bank had started repossession proceedings.

They are now in their early 70s and have ended up trying to make these loan payments out of their pensions on a house that they had paid off twenty years previously.

TheFallenMadonna · 24/04/2016 08:36

Have you spoken to your DH about it?

phoebemac · 24/04/2016 09:10

You absolutely need to speak to your husband about all this. If you’re intending to use the house as the family home isn’t he going to be rather upset that the house is going to be in your name only? Were you renting previously? Won't he also be upset that you don’t trust him to do the right thing by his children if you die before him?

I think you should enjoy your good fortune. Enjoy your house and try to stop worrying about what might happen or might not happen. Could it be that your grief is making you anxious?

phoebemac · 24/04/2016 09:13

Sorry. Good fortune might be the wrong expression given that you have lost your parent or parents. But I hope you understand what I mean!

Cyd1 · 11/07/2016 22:56

Your DH would have to be a saint not to be hurt by that proposal. How loved & cherished would you feel if it was your DH who had inherited and who suggested an arrangement like that to you?

I think anxieties like those you are expressing usually come from the DP when making a Will rather than from the inheritor (i.e. yourself) - usually when the DP making a Will is not keen on their DCs spouse!

How about putting it in a trust with a clause that you and DH can live in it until you are both dead? Perhaps that would deal with death?

If you were to do this and then there were to be a divorce, perhaps one of you would have to buy the other's life interest in the property. I don't know what would happen, from a legal point of view, if there was not enough money to do this - perhaps the property would have to be sold by the trust and a less valuable property bought in its place by the trust.

If I were you, I would reflect carefully on the emotional aspects of the situation before seeking legal advice, unless you are comfortable keeping secret from your DH the fact that you have sought legal advice.

honeyroar · 12/07/2016 00:28

Have you discussed this with your husband? Or is it something you're working out behind his back? Sounds like just the thing to put a spanner in the wheel of this happy marriage. I'd never forgive my husband if he did that to me. We inherited half of our house from my parents, so perhaps I should do the same, but my husband has put blood and sweat into our renovations and it's his house as much as mine.

SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys · 12/07/2016 00:33

Ideally put it in trust for your DCs but with a clause that you can live there for your lifetime.

MargaretRiver · 12/07/2016 00:53

I agree with Dowhatnot re tenants in common
Talk to DH about it, emphasising the Care home fees side of things, and the possibility of either of you remarrying after the other one dies
Its pretty common and a straightforward way to protect at least 50% of the house for the children whatever happens

But you will have to mentally let go of 50% of the house to DH
Even if you got him to sign documents to renounce his share, a divorce judge ( or I suspect an assessor for care home fees) could probably overturn this anyway

Lorelei76 · 12/07/2016 01:00

I don't understand why you got married if you aren't prepared to do joint finance
I absolutely understand not wanting shared finances but then you don't get married surely?

You can't have it both ways.

Oriunda · 12/07/2016 01:06

Our house will be left in trust to our son with me having a life interest. I can sell the property and buy another house but again with a life interest in any new property and it goes to my son. Done the same for a property I own with DH having a life interest.

We're both happy with this - protects us both with respect to a right to live in our house and most importantly protects our son. A solicitor drew up our wills.

NowWhat1983 · 12/07/2016 01:18

I dont get this family money stuff.

You want your parents house to be yours and your DC's and not your husbands as he isnt your family by blood? But he is: he is your children's father.

it wont stay only in the family if it goes to your DC. Their spouses have a claim on it when they marry. Do you deem your future DIL and SIL's to be not family enough to have a claim on your house.

I'm not sure how I'd feel if my happily married DH of 17 years told me he was taking legal steps to prevent me having any claim to a property he expected me to live in as a family.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 12/07/2016 02:01

I think this is an appalling way to treat a loyal and loving spouse of 17 years.

If there's untrustworthy history here fair enough I suppose (though I'd rather end it than live two decades with someone I couldn't trust). But if not then you are so, so U.

Not least because you have no idea what your babies will be like at 18. What if they have addiction issues? What if they marry abusivr spouses? You want to give them hundreds of thousands of pounds ahead of their father, a man who has given you no reason to mistrust him in 17 years?

VioletBam · 12/07/2016 02:01

If my husband did this I would be so upset! It smacks of lack of trust. Also agree with the poster who said it's part of the family marital "pot"!

Tezza1 · 12/07/2016 03:01

What will happen if, in the future, you need to sell the house to finance future plans such as a move to an over 55s village (I presume they have those those in the UK) or retire somewhere else - do people still retire to Spain? - downsize to a smaller flat or cottage in an area you like, or even decide to splash out on an around the world trip. Wouldn't you be stuck if the house is in your children's names?

Of course, this is immaterial you have oodles of cash on call, which I gather you haven't, or you wouldn't be worried about putting the house in both your names.

OnionKnight · 12/07/2016 06:48

If my wife wanted to do this I'd tell her to get to fuck, what an appalling way to treat your husband.

Lighteningirll · 12/07/2016 07:16

DH and I are renovating my parents house to move into.
Does he know he's renovating a house for you and your dc or does he mistakenly believe he's renovating a shared home with his wife of 17years? I understand where you're coming from,our 'home' is in my name and my dh has the right to live in it but will never own it. He's not the father of my dc and I bought my house 17 years before I met him. I'm also don't own his property that he rents out. These discussions caused a lot of upset and we have separate children to think of, if in was your dh I would view this as a deal breaker it's quite shoddy behaviour even though I can see your reasoning.

scaryteacher · 12/07/2016 07:33

It would be interesting to know how the life interest in possession works in practice - has anyone had any experience of this?

Yes - there is one on my pils house after fil died. The tenancy had been split and he had left his half to his dcs. We ended up having to vary fils will at the last minute, and mil got an IIP trust to enable her to stay in it til she goes into care or dies. It was totally unnecessary imo, as she owned half of the house, so we couldn't have forced a sale anyway, any more than she could. Had the wills been written to reflect this IIP trust in the first instance a lot of time, money, aggro, and family breakdown would have been avoided, but hey ho.

CocktailQueen · 12/07/2016 07:46

So you will be moving into your parents' home? What are you doing with your current home? Who benefited from the sale of that?

If the situation were reversed and this was Dh's family home and he wanted to cut you out of it, how would you feel? I think you're being really unfair to him.

What if this home has to be sold in future to pay for care home fees for you or dh? It's all very well to want to keep the house for future generations but it's not always possible - and why should the taxpayer pay for your care if you have a house? (I realise this is a long way in the future, but...)

You need to get a solicitor's advice for this.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 12/07/2016 07:51

I think YABU. How would you feel if the situation is reversed? Presumably he is equally invested in his children's future.

And as others have said, you have no way of knowing how your children will react. They could sell the house at the first opportunity and spend the money on flash cars and loose women.

A house is just another asset. We get too emotional about them.

Why not leave a portion of your life insurance to the kids?

Dandelion6565 · 12/07/2016 07:51

You only own half of it, you are married. By all means do what you like with your half.
If I was your husband id also tell you to fuck off.

If he wins the lottery are you expecting to share?

00100001 · 12/07/2016 07:55

you guys all need to look up B94-1.

spouses can issue an notice against the marital home to prevent a sale until finances are sorted.

If something went wrong, he could issue this notice and no sale would happen until it was sorted. even if his name appears nowhere on deeds etc.

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