To consider homeschooling DD from ages 5-7? School sounds horrific right now!

[Absofrigginlootly]

Yes yes I know there is a homeschooling section of MN, but I'm watching a current thread very similar to what I want to ask and it's not very active right now so thought I would try here for more traffic. So shoot me

Aaaaaaanyway, DD only 18 months old so we have a while to decide but I'm very curious to hear from parents of children currently started school/in lower primary, teachers and other home educations parents.

I keep hearing about how schools and pupils are buckling under all this SATS pressure/under funding etc, and have read quite a bit about the advantages of delaying formal schooling until aged 7.

I am a SAHM and DH earns a good wage so that's not an issue. I'm educated to postgrad level although zero experience of teaching. Have no plans to send DD to preschool, so she wouldn't be starting school until 5 years at the earliest (Autumn baby).

DH is not convinced and tbh I need to find out more before I can make a decision....but where to start? Google is not very helpful.

Any advice or suggestions most welcome :)

My DC love school. IMO the parents who home educate well are bloody superstars. I know I couldn't do it. You need to be very confident in your abilities to offer something better than the school if you seriously want to go ahead.

Iwantmymum

Maybe you should stick to the AIBU and stop being a judgey fucker!

I would definitely include a good pre-school. You don't have to use 15 hours from the word go. Your DD may be a marvellously sociable person, as one of mine is, and fits in like a honed round peg in a round hole. They thrive on being with other children and being at home with me would be a terribly poor substitute. My other child has ASD and I couldn't HE because they need to learn to cope in mainstream life.
It's very easy to look at your baby and want to keep them away from the real world but sooner or later they do have to be out there.

And generally keep an open mind.

My eldest didn't go to preschool at age 3, she didn't need it. But something happened to her quite suddenly at 3y4m, it was as if she'd grown wings. I visited the nearest 7 (!) preschools and enrolled her in my clear favourite of the lot. She adored it from day 1. For a full YEAR after she left, we couldn't walk or drive past it without her giving a massive smile, saying hello to it and waving. Clearly it was a huge positive in her life, that I couldn't have imagined when she was 18m or even when she turned 3.

One thing I've learned is that my opinions change over time, especially where parenting is concerned. I used to think 2 years was an ideal gap, now I think bigger gaps have the edge but generally anything goes. I used to think an only child lost out but now I think they have a lot of advantages (I have 2 DC myself), I used to think one form entry or small class sizes were ideal but I'm a complete convert to the larger pool of friends, wider expertise and general bigger pond for my previously shy and clingy, but now outgoing junior school child. Add to that changes in my children - the amount of downtime they used to need vs the amount of stimulation they now prefer. See what's out there, and be prepared to re-evaluate regularly as your child grows and you learn more. I don't think there is ever a time to decide on a plan and stick to it with respect to raising a child. We all just muddle along, learning as we go, and that means sometimes changing our minds. Great that you are thinking about this so early, but do keep on thinking!

Thanks for all the replies! Sorry for my delay, I'm 5 hours behind the UK so not always available to reply at the same times.
yes despite living in a safe little bubble I up sticks with my DH and baby and moved to the U.S. with no family and friends around

....but I genuinely appreciate the apology Owllady.

(As an aside, MN is an odd place sometimes. You start a thread saying you have a concern/musing about something and asking for opinions and the instant hostility of some posters is quite baffling?!)

Anyway lots to think about and some very interesting perspectives I hadn't considered.

I guess my 'no plans for preschool' thoughts are based on things I've read about plans for extending the national curriculums/learning objectives/assessments etc down to 2-4 year olds?!! Instead of just letting them play ffs

I'm very proactive at seeking out opportunities for socializing DD (have joined lots of groups, classes etc since moving here for eg) so I'm not too concerned about that side of it. I've had a brief look online and there's a couple of interesting looking forest schools near to where we live in the UK. Can't check out local pre/schools just yet though as the small matter of a long haul flight but we should be back in the UK by the time DD is 3ish.

I guess my overall concerns with early education come from reading things like this:
www.newscientist.com/article/mg22029435-000-too-much-too-young-should-schooling-start-at-age-7/

I am not against or scared of school in the slightest. But I am scared of the prospect of DDs natural curiosity to learn being squashed so just looking at our options :)

I recommend you join some home education groups on Facebook and read up for a while. It does sound like you have already recognised some of the benefits of home ed. You are a long way off having to make a decision. Look up Ross Mountney' s blog, her children are grown up but she writes on the subject. She also has links to other blogs. HE blogs are a great way of seeing how it works day to day for different families.
If there is a local group to where you live in the UK ask to join to get a picture of what is out there. People are often prepared to be chattier on the local lists about the cons as well as the pros so ask questions on there.

You have had a taste of one of the major negatives of HE the hostile reactions of others. You are stepping away from the norm, particularly if you home ed from the start so you need a good deal of confidence in that decision to cope with the raised eyebrows and criticism.
Good luck whatever you decide. As I said earlier I have never regretted the decision. Our initial plan was to home ed until 7 and then reassess year by year with the children.

To echo what another poster said, why not think about private education? Independent schools don't have to take part in SATS if they don't want and as far as I'm aware most avoid them. They have a lot more flexibility generally in terms of syllabus and exams. We're in Scotland and because DS's school was uncomfortable about the changes to Standard Grades / National 5s, he's doing GCSEs this summer. Apart from English, which is a National 5. Next year he does Highers, except for Art which will be the A level course.

It might be that the relative autonomy of an independent school might give you more confidence.

Have to add only met home schooled children through scouts and cubs and without exception they've been odd and struggled to fit in in normal activities. All old beyond they're years.

I like the idea of home schooling but I couldn't do it well enough. I am not very disciplined and I like my own space.
I would struggle with the meeting up with others. I have been to a few HE meet-ups with a friend who HE and didn't like it.
I have two children who are in secondary and two in primary. We are in Wales so no SAT's. They do take part in national tests but have never felt under pressure. My two youngest are in nursery and reception. They play outside for much of their day, they go to forest school sessions. Reception have weekly homework and a reading book. Mostly DS loves doing the homework, if he doesn't fancy doing it or we are too busy that weekend I put a note in the book and we leave it. Nursery bring home a book to read at home, it's just a story book. DS doesn't have to do anything.

It's virtually all play in the early years - sandpit, wendy house, lots of fresh air and running about. My two were always delighted when some actual learning bits came up though - writing their name, learning simple phonics etc. They genuinely found it fun.

I do think that things have changed pretty dramatically for the worse this year. DS's experience of Y1 is very different from that of his big sister three years ago. However, the school they go to is wonderful and the teachers work incredibly hard to make sure that the children are affected as little as possible.

I am confident that DS is happier and gaining a richer range of experiences at school than he would be at home. DD in Y4 has children who were home-schooled and Steiner educated in her class, and they both prefer the school to their previous experiences.

So schools aren't grim pressured exam factories by any means, but schools are having to put in tremendous efforts to keep learning fun and engaging while jumping through the required hoops.

That's interesting jasper. Ive got a couple of homeschooling friends and you by definition have to believe it's better. Must be odd for them to prefer school.

It's bizarre. I toy with home schooling but you can never experience both at the same time to compare.

Nothing against HE. I know families who do it (mainly with DC with SEN) and it works for them. I have considered it at various points for my older child (who is on the autism spectrum), but could never really bear the thought of it from a personal/selfish perspective!

However, I dont think fear of the school system is a good enough reason to home educate, really. Not based on hearsay and press stories, at least. There are lots of changes in our education system that I personally don't like, but it is still perfectly possible for a child to thrive and enjoy the experience of school. My younger child is in Year 2 and loves school. No pressure re: SATS at all. The school have been really matter-of-fact and low key about it all. She has made amazing friends since she started in reception, is involved in lots of after school activities and has made really good academic progress. Its been the making of her, really.

Makes sense to look at your local schools nearer the time your child would start, ask lots of questions and see what you think. You could make contact with a local HE group, too.

YANBU. It's your child you do whatever you feel is best.

YANBU to not like formal education starting too young. I agree that 5 is very young and am firmly of the belief that 6 or 7 is a much better age for starting school (luckily I live in Finland so DD won't be starting pre-school until 6.5 and school at 7.5)

HOWEVER, the early years of Primary school are the most fun and from what I've heard, they are very play-based these days so they make for a gentle introduction into school routine rather than going from home straight into year 3 where everyone else will already be used to the routine and the teaching styles. It could be a very difficult transition.

And I do think being in some kind of nursery environment before school age is very good for children. My DD goes to daycare full time even though I'm not working because its so beneficial for her to be playing with the other children and doing crafts and things that she wouldn't do at home. She's developed amazingly since starting there at 3.5 (she's 5 now).

My DS is in reception, if I was to ask him right now what he has learnt at school he would say nothing we just play. We have had no homework except reading he has come on leaps and bounds academically without sitting and doing any real work, all through play. But most importantly he is developing his role and placement amongst his friends without adult involvement, sorting out their own issues and working things through I don't see how you can replicate that? Preschool he loved, I hated it staff were very officious and attempted more formal learning than school so we moved him to a forest pre school which was amazing.

I think whether HE is best for children depends on a lot of factors. My 2 foster children have been with me for 2 years, and each summer holidays through doing about an hour of work a day I've been able to teach them more than the previous year at school has. So, if I HE I think I'd be able to bring them on even more. But, being totally honest, I love the break! They are very energetic and 'full-on' and I love having a bit of time to myself.

But, other parents might not feel that way and I think in certain circumstances HE can work very well. I think there is a risk though of making some children into pompous know it alls, and of not teaching others all the things they are capable of learning.

I was planning on HE my DC until exH and I separated last year and I had to go back to work FT. As a result they're all now going to mainstream school, and they love it!

I realistically couldn't offer them what school does. I'm not a teacher but moreover I'm also a massive introvert and I've never done mummy and baby groups or any of that shit so they didn't have friends which is obviously appalling and I feel guilty now... We went to places where they interacted with other children but never anywhere to make solid lasting friends iykwim. Now seeing them socialising, going to birthday parties, talking fondly about their friends etc is lovely. Also their confidence is through the roof and they're reading and writing far better than they ever were when I attempted to teach them.

It's all about finding the right school. Initially they were at an Ofsted outstanding school, well it's outstanding so it's gotta be the best, right? But they hated it. Very forceful right from day one with academia. Parents evening they were telling me DC2 (who was 4+3 months) wasn't holding her pen correctly which was concerning so they were putting her in an extra class and they would expect her to know more phonetic sounds by this stage. She'd only been at school two months ffs. She was stressed out there, getting her into school was a mission every morning.

Moved them to an Ofsted good school slightly further away, they love it. Settled in right away. They're more laid back, reception is basically an extension of nursery. They focus on learning through playing more, parents go into the classroom on a morning to drop them. It's just lovely. The teachers are lovely and relaxed, there's no pressure on the children at all. They're thriving far more and her pen control fixed itself.

So basically what I'm saying is HE can be great but you have to be incredibly dedicated to ensuring they don't miss out on socialising and developing the skills all seven year olds will know if that's when you want her to start school. It was a struggle at first for my DS starting in year 1 behind his peers. He's more or less caught up now but it wasn't easy.

Also, I love the break away! When HE they were with me constantly. Now we have our days apart and regroup in the evenings to talk about our days. It's important I think.

My friends dd goes to a steiner school where they can pick them up at 12 everyday instead of 3:15 if they want to all the way through primary. I don't think they have to go everyday either.

It would be worth having a look around schools before you write them all off.

If money was no object and I didn't have to work I would love to travel the world and home school. School has benefitted my dc in some ways bit has taken away in others. I only work term time so I have my dc for the 6 weeks and I hate them going back and the return to real life.

Just as an aside.... IWantMyMum, unless the Op is really thick then she's fully aware of her situation. She's politely told you that. Those of us who choose to be sahms are not "trailing" or "not contributing" or (the worst one I've had) "parasites" and we don't need people like you licking your lips at the thought of our marriages failing. We make our choice as it suits us and our families. It's none of your business and you don't need to keep making passive aggressive comments feigning concern.

Op, move to Scotland we don't have any of the stresses that our English mnetters have when it comes to schools.

Worth remembering that education fads of the current government can change fast, so things bothering teachers at the moment may not be an issue by the time your DC is at school.

If I were you I'd send DC to a local state school that you like when you look round, and find a job, well paid if possible. Then you'd have three options open to you - keeping DD where she is if she's happy, using the money you earn to send her to private school (no SATs or government interference), or leaving your job, pulling her out of school and home educating. But you'd be making a well informed decision on what's best at the time, rather than out of fear and hearsay

All I seem to see on the news, here, Facebook etc is how much pressure everyone is under (staff and students), how underfunded everything is etc etc

Remember that no-one goes on FB saying "today my children had a pleasant but uneventful day at school, completely in line with my expectations and aspirations" Similarly, it doesn't tend to make a great headline. I also live overseas and I think you can get an overly negative view of what life is like in the UK from news and social media as people much more likely to talk about the negatives than the positives/ stuff which is just perfectly ok.

My DC attend a British curriculum school and assuming it is a faithful replication, reception is very play based still.