Mother Yanked Her Toddler By His Hair - AIBU?

[JudgyBigGrannyPants]

I was approaching the bottom of my street in the car and saw a mother, who I often stand near at the school gates (never spoken to her) and who's middle DC is in my DC's class, walking along the path at the bottom. I could see that she would be crossing the road in front of me so slowed down and motioned for her to cross as she had 3 DC with her, one about 2 years old on a toddler trike type thing.

As she the car, she grabbed her toddler by the hair at the back and yanked him back from the road (he was still on the path about a foot in front of her) as I think she thought he was going to cross without her. I did not register it straight away and was utterly shocked. I had stopped, there was no panic that I was going to hit him. She could have easily grabbed the back of his coat.

The poor kid screamed in pain while they passed in front of me. Her eldest child (about 8) sort of lagged behind whilst staring at me, obviously aware that I had seen her mother do that. The toddler then tried to punch his Mum. I had a good mind to jump out of the car and shout at the woman but thought better of it. By the time I'd driven slowly away the toddler had stopped crying and his older brother was pushing his trike and making him laugh.

WIBU to bring this incident to the school's attention on Monday as they will know the family and possibly they may have other concerns.

DH says to leave it as they are from a different culture and parent differently and how they do is their business.

Just seeing that tiny boy in pain like that really upset me.

WWYD?

Well OK. It seems IABU.

What bothered me is that to my perception the mother had an angry face when she grabbed the little boys hair although that could have been a panicked face! She also grabbed a big handful of hair. The elder child seemed to be a bit ashamed of what her mother had done as well.

I was coming down a residential road at low speed. I saw them from about 50 foot away as they were already close to the edge of the path and I immediately slowed intending to give them time to cross. I was still a good distance away. I was actually stopped and waiting for them to cross when she pulled his hair.

Ok with regards to the cultural thing, she is from a culture that is stereotypically quite a bit stricter with DC than the English, and DH thought that may explain it whilst telling me to keep my nose out.

She did not comfort him afterwards. The older brother ran on ahead with him.

Just really bothered me - a lot. I have had 4 DC including very rambunctious twins. I have never needed to grab them by the hair to keep hold of them even when they were on trikes!

hedgehogs I am aware but as it was a very quiet residential road with no one behind me and I could see young children approaching the road, I would prefer to wait for them to cross. Obviously not something I would do on a busy road or where there were cars behind me .

Oh gosh, if I tried to add up the amount of times DH or I did something out of panic that hurt them a bit (as opposed to what could have happened and would have been a way worse injury) I'd need an abacus!

Don't interfere, you saw a tiny snippet of someone else life at their less than perfect moment and you don't know all the facts.
Imagine if you were that mother, would you want some busybody tell on you? I think not.
Don't get involved, different culture (whatever that means!) or not, how someone reacts in a real or perceived emergency is no grounds to judge their parenting skills.

To me as well the key question is how the mother acted afterwards. OP did write that there was no reason for the mother to panic (which could have conceivably justified the hair grabbing if nothing else could be caught). But even if we give her the benefit of doubt, someone who is not abusive would have then surely tried to console the child, apologise, hug, explain... From OP's post however it sounds like it was only the older brother who tried to console the toddler.

As for the "different culture" comment: It is unconscionable to turn away from disturbing and even illegal behaviour with that excuse. Shitty parenting is not unique to any culture, and victims of shitty parenting deserve to be looked out for regardless of their cultural background. And the law applies to everyone in this country equally (not saying that what happened here necessarily broke law, but there is a lot of illegal behaviour that is excused on the grounds of "it's their culture"...)

Read your update OP. YANBU.

Imagine if you were that mother, would you want some busybody tell on you? I think not.

Imagine if you were that toddler, would you want a kind soul to tell on what happened? I think yes.

Maybe her angry face was because you were encouraging her children to cross under circumstances which could endanger them. It's not for you to decide whether it's safe for them to cross. Maybe she doesn't appreciate you undermining her children's road safety.

Just a thought.

Oh DFO hedgehog*. Her DC were certainly not being endangered. I always appreciate cars stopping to let me cross when I am out with my DCs. Obviously I would make sure they had stopped before I crossed.

Can you tell us the culture she belongs to?

There's no need to be so rude. You were encouraging her children to cross the road while the road was unclear. You were undermining her teaching them to stop and wait and not cross until the road was clear. You were also doing something you admit you know drivers are not supposed to do.

Funny how you're quite happy to judge her actions but you start getting shitty when your own actions are being judged.

The time dd1 ran out into the road as a toddler in front of a police car, the policeman had a very cross face as he got out of the car. If I could have grabbed her hair to stop her I would have as better a pulled hair than a squashed toddler.

She never did it again.

I very much doubt that anyone in a few seconds could tell that a young child was embarrassed by their parent.

Er no hog the road was clear for them to cross as I had stopped but carry on derailing with your pointless comments.

If she was angry that I had stopped to let them cross why would she then grab her toddler's hair in panic that I might run him over?

Omg it's abusive. Pulling child's hair is to stop them doing something is abusive. Full stop, no excuses. well we'll just have a squished dead child instead then rather than to pull it's hair!
She's wasn't discipling the child.

op i agree with others, i'd be pissed off if you were encouraging my kids to cross too. I'll decide when we cross, not you.
YOU may not think you endangered them but she weren't to know that!
Only today a car nearly sped into us and we're on a bloody road next to a school.
People are idiots, you maybe a safe driver, but not everybody is.

Also you don't kbow this woman, apart from seeing the odd few snippets of her life, for all you know this kid coukd be a runner!
Maybe she's still trying to teach her kid to stop at roads.

You were also doing something you admit you know drivers are not supposed to do.

No, if I feel that it safe to stop to let children cross who may potentially run into it then I will do so.

Outside my dc's school a car stopped and waved people across. A car behind overtook and went straight into the parents and children.

well maybe you shouldn't op! Already two of us have said we'd be annoyed if you did this andthis thread is tiny.

I'm not derailing and my comments aren't pointless and some posters are agreeing with them. You just don't like having your part in what happened judged.