Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DP's friend to drive my car?

110 replies

MummySparkle · 21/04/2016 22:35

DP and his friend are going on a sporting weekend and leaving tomorrow. They are taking my car as it's much more practical for a 5hr drive each way. Last time they went on a day trip in my car DP let his friend drive for a little bit.

Friend is insured through his work as a mechanic, however does not have his own car insurance policy. He is also too young to be covered as 3rd party on any car as part of an insurance policy. He is a perfectly competent driver though.

I am the registered keeper of my car and the insurance policy holder. DP is also fully comp on the car.

Where do I stand if DP allows his friend to drive and they have an accident? Would it all come back to me?

WIBU to completely put my foot down about this?

OP posts:
Specky4eyes · 22/04/2016 07:24

I would not allow anyone to drive my car if they were not insured.

Would they be prepared to replace your car if anything happens to it?

PestilentialCat · 22/04/2016 07:25

You must get the insurance for his friend, really. Ask tell them to reimburse you.

Specky4eyes · 22/04/2016 07:28

I once was flashed for speeding and I really thought I was going to get banned due to the speed I was going at. As I started to look in the implications of this I realised the huge impact that not having a car would have on me and my family.

OP - really think about how you would cope without a car and you might find that you re-think them borrowing/not insuring it.

Whocansay · 22/04/2016 07:31

The friend needs to pay for the insurance for the trip. If he won't give you the money upfront they can take your husband's car.

This is ridiculous. I wouldn't lend my car to people who are clearly totally irresponsible and idiotic to be honest. They don't give a shit that if it goes wrong it bites you on the arse.

bruffin · 22/04/2016 07:34

If he works for a garage it is unlikely he would get any car cover on his own insurance. I know people i work with cant get it any more.

Kr1stina · 22/04/2016 08:25

So your Dp can't be trusted with your car, but you trust him with you children ?

And your Dps friend can't afford the £69 for the insurance but he can afford to replace your one year old car ?

And your MIls car is big enough to take you and two or more children to the shops but not big enough to take two men for the weekend ?

So your plan is to wait until your DP phones you at the weekend and you are sudden you going to contact the insurers and add Friend to the insurance right there and then ?

< confused >

lamiashiro · 22/04/2016 08:31

I'm sorry, but this is nuts. The guy is not insured, he should not be driving. End of. If your DP is allowing an uninsured driver to drive YOUR car, I would not be allowing him to use it. If he crashes, YOU are liable.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 22/04/2016 09:47

This should all have been ironed out when the weekend away was organised.

Your DP and friend should split the extra cost and share the driving, or DP should drive the whole way. 5hrs is a long way but not excessive and your DP could clearly plan plenty of rest breaks as needed.

If it was my DP, he'd be sorting out the insurance and we'd be having a very frank discussion about what I think about people who drive around uninsured Hmm

AlwaysNC · 22/04/2016 09:59

Best case he crashes your car and has third party. You get no money for your car, you have no car.
Worst case, he drives and gets pulled over by police. Has no insurance (3rd party) your car is seized and crushed and you get charged for knowingly letting someone drive your car without insurance. They'll know this as your insurance company will have the record of you asking how much.

But more importantly, you need to look into what the hell you and your DP are thinking if you can't trust him not to let him drive?

MetalMidget · 22/04/2016 10:01

If DP's own car isn't suitable, he should either do all of the driving in your car himself, or organise a hire car that both he and his friend are insured on.

Sallyingforth · 22/04/2016 10:07

Haven't RTWT but even if you pay the extra premium, if he writes off your one year old car you will only get the replacement value, which is very much less that what you paid for the new car.

coconutpie · 22/04/2016 10:09

You have a huge DP problem here. If you can't trust that your DP will not let an uninsured person drive your car then no way in hell would I be giving him the keys. And no way would I be paying either to insure him - let them sort it out.

If they have an accident, your car will not be covered. If the accident involves others, there will be years of legal battles trying to sort it out. You can't be selfish and just think of how this will impact on you, it will impact on innocent bystanders too. How are you even considering this anyway? It's bloody crazy.

And your DP is a fucking idiot.

JessicasElephant · 22/04/2016 10:46

I think it is very unfair to suggest to the OP that she is responsible for other people's actions. She would only be responsible for the action of handing over the keys to a person who is uninsured. If her DP's friend then drives it knowing she has not given permission then she is not responsible, morally or legally. Though she'd probably have to report it as a theft.

specialsubject · 22/04/2016 10:47

The money is not to protect your car. It is to pay for the person who could be killed or disabled in a possible accident. That is why motor insurance is compulsory. Take the keys if you sleep with someone who thinks they are above the law .

AuntJane · 22/04/2016 11:29

JessicasElephant She WOULD have to report it as theft - no "probably" about it.

And even if she says she told DP that friend could not drive it, she has sufficient reason to believe he will. It's like saying to a two year old "Don't eat the sweets on the table while I'm in the kitchen" and then walking out of the room.

JessicasElephant · 22/04/2016 11:30

Take the keys if you sleep with someone who thinks they are above the law .

Again, this is harsh. She is not responsible for her DP's actions, nor is she responsible for her DP's friend's actions. Both men are fully responsible for their own actions.

If (and I know this is a big if) the OP is in a relationship with someone who would ignore her wishes and hand over her car to someone who is uninsured then she needs support. Reducing their relationship to "someone you sleep with" sounds incredibly (and unnecessarily) judgemental. I doubt you'd say it if they were married.

JessicasElephant · 22/04/2016 11:34

aunt it is absolutely not like that at all, because the DP is an adult, not a child. I wouldn't expect a two year old to resist taking sweets, but I would expect an adult to!

If she has sufficient reason to believe he would ignore her wish and break the law, then she needs support, not judgement.

Sallyingforth · 22/04/2016 11:43

JessicasElephant She WOULD have to report it as theft - no "probably" about it.

If there is an accident, the OP will receive a phone call from police at the scene saying "Did you give xxxx permission to drive the car?" and she will have to answer Yes or No immediately with no time to consider the consequences. And if she gives the wrong answer she will be in serious trouble with the law and with her insurance record.

Kr1stina · 22/04/2016 13:20

I think she will have a hard time persuading the police that her car was stolen because

  1. Her DP is the passenger
  2. She didn't report it stolen immediately but waited until it was involved in an accident
  3. She has contacted her insurers to ask for a quote for him to be added to her insurance
  4. Driver will say that DP told him it was insured
  5. DP will admit to having given him the keys and asked him to drive

You must think that the police and insurers are stupid

rollonthesummer · 22/04/2016 18:11

If you can't really afford £70 to insure the car, how will you afford to replace it if it gets written off?

Why can't they get a train or hire a car? Why is your car the only one in the world they can possibly use?

Bet your boyfriend wouldn't let his mate drive a hire car without getting it approved by the hire company first..,

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 22/04/2016 20:56

I hope you've shown your dp this thread, it might make him realise that you're not over reacting, that basically everyone had said how daft it'd be to allow this.

Original poster
MummySparkle · 23/04/2016 10:00

I didn't show DP the thread, but I did have very stern words with him yesterday morning. He realised the gravitas of the situation and he drove the whole way there.

OP posts:
BlueStringPudding · 23/04/2016 10:15

If you have got an online quote for putting dp's friend on your insurance, they will have kept a record of that, so would be unlikely to believe that if he drives the car that it was without your knowledge.

You need to either add him on the insurance or cover yourself by texting dp and friend to give them the choice of paying the insurance or dp confirming he will be sole driver.

5 hour journey is easy with one break. DH drove 12 hours with 3 breaks back from France in one day last week as I hurt my leg and so couldn't share the driving.

BlueStringPudding · 23/04/2016 10:16

Cross posted, glad he saw sense!

Horsemad · 23/04/2016 10:38

Hmm, so he says...