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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DP's friend to drive my car?

110 replies

MummySparkle · 21/04/2016 22:35

DP and his friend are going on a sporting weekend and leaving tomorrow. They are taking my car as it's much more practical for a 5hr drive each way. Last time they went on a day trip in my car DP let his friend drive for a little bit.

Friend is insured through his work as a mechanic, however does not have his own car insurance policy. He is also too young to be covered as 3rd party on any car as part of an insurance policy. He is a perfectly competent driver though.

I am the registered keeper of my car and the insurance policy holder. DP is also fully comp on the car.

Where do I stand if DP allows his friend to drive and they have an accident? Would it all come back to me?

WIBU to completely put my foot down about this?

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 21/04/2016 23:14

YANBU

Original poster
MummySparkle · 21/04/2016 23:14

MILs car is also not very economical and too small. Obviously I prefer my car, but MILs car is easy to drive and a little bit of fun for me for the weekend. Will only be going to the shop and back with it.

What I'm trying to say is that I am happy for DP to take my car. I have told him that only he is allowed to drive it. My issue is that I can't guarantee that DP won't let friend drive my car. And I'm trying to figure out where I stand from a leagal point of view of anything happened, and what I can do about it to stop anything happening.

It only dawned on my earlier today that DP might be thinking he could share the driving, hence not doing anything about it before

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 21/04/2016 23:14

No need for friction or being bothered, just put him on for four days. If you can get it for £60 given that he's not insured elsewhere. If not just say to DP sorry but you'll have to drive.

makingmiracles · 21/04/2016 23:16

Oh and make the friend pay the £60, don't pay it yourself!

SistersOfPercy · 21/04/2016 23:17

Well he has a few options, he either puts the lad on the insurance, takes his own car or doesn't go.
I'd be hiding all my car keys until I'd seen proof of insurance and I wouldn't be handing them over otherwise. I certainly wouldn't trust him now if he said "okI won't let him drive"

If he's got any respect for you he'll respect your wishes.

Therealyellowwiggle · 21/04/2016 23:21

Why are you only worried about your own car, not the cars this uninsured driver might hit?

TheFlyingFauxPas · 21/04/2016 23:24

I got 6 points and £100 fine for letting someone drive my car without insurance. He got the same. That was 20 years ago. I'm still having to explain it in job apps 😞 Don't do it.

SheSparkles · 21/04/2016 23:25

If the friend drives your car and is stopped for any reason, the car is likely to be seized under section 165 of the road traffic act. To drive without insurance is ILLEGAL.

Berthatydfil · 21/04/2016 23:26

Tell dp that as he has admitted he is going to let friend drive your car he will need to pay 1) insurance cost to add friend
2) any excess and loss of no claims and increase premium if there is an accident.
If he disagrees I would not allow him to use my car full stop.
I imagine that the extra fuel on his car will be less than either the cost of replacing your one year old car and any fines or court costs arising from a prosecution for driving without insurance /allowing a car to be driven without insurance.
His choice, but without this agreement I would not let him have my car under any circumstances.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 21/04/2016 23:27

Tell them to hire a car. It won't cost much more & it won't be your problem.

5 hours one day and 5 hours a couple of days later is nothing.

JessicasElephant · 21/04/2016 23:27

Can you not just say no to dp, and trust him to respect your decision regarding your own car?

Madhouse05 · 21/04/2016 23:28

Ok, 3 options: 1. pay the £60 to insure your dp's mate, 2. don't pay it & worry all weekend or 3. speak to dp directly in an effort to resolve. Cannot believe your dp is ok with exposing you to this risk?! If he is then you need to point out that your trust in his ongoing ability to respect you as his partner/take ANY care of your future is going to be blown to bollocks.

Iflyaway · 21/04/2016 23:32

If this is your car you have every right to say who drives it.

Why are you letting others tell you what to do? That is the question....

Original poster
MummySparkle · 21/04/2016 23:36

Jessica's elephant, that is my plan. I will spell it out to him in the morning.

I will ask for him to call me every time they stop and be ready to buy a few days insurance for friend if needs be. None of us can afford the £69 at the moment really so I want to avid paying if possible. I am hoping that after a chat in the morning DP will understand the potential consequences and implicAgions it could have.

Obviously I care about the other vehicles / people that could be damaged / injuries. I obly mentioned my car as someone asked if I coulddb

OP posts:
WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 21/04/2016 23:50

For the sake of being insured, could you not pay £20 each?

AuntJane · 21/04/2016 23:56

I believe that a recent change in the law means that, if someone is caught driving without insurance, the car can be seized and possibly destroyed, irrespective of who owns it.

I would not permit him to drive it.

AuntJane · 22/04/2016 00:01

Yes, I've checked. The police DO have the right to seize and destroy the car if the driver is uninsured, even if the car is properly insured for other drivers.

SanityAssassin · 22/04/2016 00:02

He has let Friend drive before (without your knowledge ?)
He will do it again whatever you say.
He obviously doesn't see the issue.
I would make him take his own car.

Berthatydfil · 22/04/2016 00:06

If you cannot afford the cost of the insurance then you certainly cannot afford to risk him writing off your car and having no way of replacing it and any penalty points on your licence fines and on going future increases in your insurance premium costs - that is assuming you can afford to replace your car,
He has said your dp will drive MOST of the journey NOT ALL. This means he will almost certainly ask his friend to drive part of the way. You already know this.
Pay for the insurance or hide your car keys.

cookiefiend · 22/04/2016 00:10

Tell him and your DP that you are only giving permission for him to drive it, but not his friend. Perhaps even text him to remind him. Then if the police try to Charge you with allowing someone to drive without insurance you would have something to show them. If he were caught he could be done with driving without insurance and theft of the car. But it is difficult. I would be furious if anyone put me in the position they are putting you in. I would refuse unless they agree to him not driving it and if they didn't listen I would LTB.

JessicasElephant · 22/04/2016 00:18

op, that's a bit better then. If you've expressly told him no he should respect that regardless of whether he agrees with your decision. You have every right to decide who gets to use your car.

AnnieOnnieMouse · 22/04/2016 00:41

print out the above, and tape it to the dashboard of your car!

Topseyt · 22/04/2016 00:59

I can't see why you are lending him your precious car at all.

He clearly has no issue with allowing an uninsured driver to drive it, so I wouldn't trust either of them an inch.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/04/2016 01:26

Your partner is an arse. IF he can't manage all the driving, then he needs to either take someone who is insured to drive, or pay for his friend to be insured, or go by alternative transport.
Playing russian roulette with this friend driving and hoping there is no accident or police stop is just stupid and not worth the risk, IMO. However, I'm sure my DH would do the same as he thinks I am stupidly hidebound by rules etc. - if your DP is anything like my DH, he will still take this risk on the principle that the chances of them being caught is really low. It might be, but the consequences if they get caught are way too large to take the risk (again, IMO).

It's nice of you to be happy for him to take the car - but since neither of them are going to give a shit about the legalities, you will have to bite the bullet and pay the insurance yourself, it seems.

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