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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be furious with the school nurse

148 replies

Hedgehog80 · 21/04/2016 20:44

Iam absolutely fuming

Dd2 has various medical conditions, has 1:1 care at school and all going well. Good relationship between us, school and hospital.

The community school nurse paid a visit to school and 'reviewed' all children with medical needs. Fair enough I suppose, didn't think much more of it.
I then got a call from dds hospital as they had been contacted by school nurse with 'concerns'. We cleared it all up and I spoke with the school SENCO who was lovely. Said the nurse had told her 'I don't know much about these conditions but I want copies of this child's records to show my supervisor' the school refused. She them apparently wanted to see dd but they also refused that.

I thought that was the end of it-them I get a GP letter calling us in to discuss these same 'concerns' so I called the GP and explained and then o called the school nurse and told her very bluntly it has nothing to do with her. Dd2 does not have shared care and between us as parents, school and hospital things are fine.

Today I get more correspondence-this nurse is trying to arrange a meeting to discuss her concerns?? It has been addressed twice now and her concerns were the result of a misunderstanding which has been cleared up.
Turns out she is also taking advice from dds old hospital (we left as they made her very ill and gave us wrong advice and treatment) so Iam not happy at all.

She also will not accept that she is not to be involved with dd??? I do not want her interference.

I have written in formally to school banning her from any involvement do why is she persisting ? Iam really angry
Do school nurses have any power at all? I'm thinking of taking this further

OP posts:
Headofthehive55 · 21/04/2016 22:36

She will work for either the local authority or the health authority.

Annoying as it may seem, hospitals do not always have any say in how things must be done outside the hospital. For example I did a certain medical procedure outside the hospital ( for my DD) which was not allowed by the community health authority. Hence I could not get any supplies- the g.p couldn't write a prescription. Which made things awkward to say the least. Eventually things changed and a supply system was established.

The community staff were the ones which enabled the change.

LindyHemming · 21/04/2016 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

summerdreams · 21/04/2016 22:45

If she has a problem with the care plan your dd has I would think she needs to talk to the consultant/s dealing with your dds care you or gp can not change a plan put in place by them. I really do feel for you about the amount of unnecessary stress it has put on you it seems extremely unfair to be wanting you to explain a plan put in place by hcps, this is assuming you did not come up with your dds care plan.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 21/04/2016 22:46

Can you write a time line of events relating to her with evidence showing her errors and include all her requests and who has refused them.

Then contact her manager and provide her with a copy and ask her if A. This is within the scope of her job, B. If her actions are permitted or considered acceptable and ask them to treat is as a complaint.

MudCity · 21/04/2016 22:59

She has a duty of care. It sounds as though much, if not all, your communication has been via the school and this is probably not that helpful...you are getting information third hand. Meet with the nurse and find out for yourself what her role is and what the issues are. You never know, her involvement may end up actually helping you and your DD.

I know you feel your daughter's care is being managed well but, as a previous poster said, the nurse does not know that and will need the evidence to say this is the case. I find it refreshing that she is at least making every effort to communicate with other agencies. If your daughter was at risk, at least you could be reassured that someone in statutory services is looking out for her. Professionals are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Original poster
Hedgehog80 · 21/04/2016 23:08

I have spoken to her. I explained her misinterpretation of what she had read. She seemed to then understand but has then persisted in contacting GP with the same issue and now trying to arrange a meeting and questioning the same thing?

OP posts:
HanYOLO · 21/04/2016 23:15

I honestly would just go to the meeting and address her "concerns" and tell her in the nicest possible way to do one face to face. Then minute the meeting yourself and circulate to all.

I would want to see her "concerns" spelled out though, in advance of the meeting.

Saramel · 21/04/2016 23:16

I completely understand your frustration with her and it does sound like she is overstepping the mark. However, I am a support worker with a charity who often have very ill children and parents who do not co-operate with health professionals can find themselves reported to Social Services and then they have to ward them off too. If it were me, I would ask for an agenda for the meeting along with a list of her concerns and then specifically address those by responding in writing on the day of the meeting. She does sound like a real jobsworth but with all the kids that slip through the net and end up as a main news story I guess we should be thanking our lucky stars that nobody is going to get past her!

Vixyboo · 21/04/2016 23:20

Complain about her! Your child is not for her to learn from if this has not been consented to. How dare anyone come on here and suggest this. When I went to give birth and ended up with an emergency c-section I didn't want students. I know everyone needs to learn but not every patient wants to be a learning opportunity!

The nurse approaching the old team and seeking info is worrying. Why is she seeking info from a team no longer caring for your child and without permission?

Well done to the school though refusing to let her see your child.

ToadsforJustice · 21/04/2016 23:22

The nurse doesn't need a meeting to address her concerns. I don't understand why she persists in demanding one. She has had the situation explained to her.

RueDeWakening · 21/04/2016 23:39

I would remove any permission she might have to have anything to do with your DD.

I'm T1 on a pump, and was the first in my hospital to go through pregnancy on a pump, nearly a decade ago. As such I'm very used to being poked and prodded. BUT, I'm an adult and would have no qualms telling them to FTFO if I wasn't happy with my regular "show and tell" appointment. And indeed have in the past threatened legal action on an obstetrician who removed my pump from me without permission (assault, I think) and refused to return it without the say-so of my consultant, even though my blood sugar was somewhere north of 30! I don't know that any child would feel able to do anything similar, so you're right to protect her.

Frusso · 21/04/2016 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OzzieFem · 22/04/2016 07:05

I've read the entire thread and I would not let that community nurse near your daughter. The fact that she wanted to see the insulin pump concerns me. If she is so in tune with your "old hospital", I would be worried she might start fiddling with it.
There are plenty of videos around if she (nurse) wants to educate herself.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 22/04/2016 07:18

So what has the nurse said now?

DropYourSword · 22/04/2016 07:33

I don't know. Thinking about this from her perspective you have already admitted that your DD's plan is different from what would usually occur in your area. I don't think it's that unreasonable for her to maybe have concerns/ questions. Nurses are human too and can't know EVERYTHING, especially without access to notes etc. They do continual professional development and take a responsibility to update themselves in relevant areas. It's not necessarily treating your daughter as a Guinea pig by increasing her knowledge regarding your DDs treatment.
Also you say It was a ridiculous misunderstanding and if she had bothered to speak to us or 1:1 it could have been cleared up but it sounds like when she has tried to arrange meetings with you, you have shut her down so she can't get that 1:1 time. Perhaps her question about blood testing was only one of a number of things she wanted to discuss.
I understand you love your DD and want to protect her, but I don't understand why you'd be obstructive to this nurse who is really just trying to do her job. Am a bit sad that so many people are saying to complain about her. I think if something was missed, people would also be up in arms saying to complain and it's despicable that someone didn't do their job properly. Sometimes schools/people can't win.

Sixweekstowait · 22/04/2016 07:45

Well I'm with the OP on this. The child is in the system - both primary and secondary.. I never cease to be amazed at the lack of knowledge about T1 diabetes across a range of HCPs and with a child, it will be even more so. I can't believe that the nurse has nothing more important to do. OP has clearly had to battle to get proper care and is clearly understandably furious about the nurse. The sort of issue the nurse should be following up is where children aren't getting care, being seen at the hospital/GP etc. She is meddling with a complex issue and should just butt out - it's up to the GP/ hospital. The school sound great btw

Ceic · 22/04/2016 08:16

Agree wiith Bourdic. It also seems to me that the school also has the appropriate documentation and record-keeping in place and is managing that well too.

I wonder if the nurse's "concerns" come with a hidden agenda to get your DD back under the old team because that's how the borough/whoever expects it to be done.

I think that NeedASockAmnesty's idea about the letter with the timeline is a good approach. Your DD is not a test dummy. Also ask what a meeting with the school nurse is intended to achive? What is the purpose of such a meeting? Insist the meeting cannot be considered until you have full written details of each of the nurse's concerns. At the moment, you don't have enough information about the benefits of the meeting to your dd and her care.

The school nurse is not medically-qualified to comment on the medical side of your DD's care plan and shouldn't need to see all the intimate details. She can check that the school's care side is being carried out correctly. The school already has systems and documentation to demonstrate this to her, which she saw.

Original poster
Hedgehog80 · 22/04/2016 08:30

I do feel it's very much to do with the old team and how they were always very blunt saying "no child in our borough will have a 1:1" despite dd having other conditions alongside T1.

I did in fact speak to the nurse on the phone to clear things up so I have not been obstructive in any way. I had to also speak to the hospital and GP and that should have been the end of it. A meeting is not necessary and not in Dds best interests as everything is already in place and working well

OP posts:
Original poster
Hedgehog80 · 22/04/2016 08:32

I am also very busy with various appts etc for all dcs. For example two are off school ill. We always have a lot on. 99.9% of the time I make time and organise round anything important but this meeting is unnecessary so it won't be happening

OP posts:
Ceic · 22/04/2016 08:32

Missed a bit:

because how the borough/whoever expects it to be done only with that team/system. It might be easier for them to have your dd following the same policy as all the other children but it isn't the right thing, medically, for your dd.

HanYOLO · 22/04/2016 08:39

I wouldn't let her anywhere near your dd either, but you meeting her (whilst I totally agree you shouldn't have to and it would piss me off mightily too), will get her off your back more effectively than anything else.

Ceic · 22/04/2016 08:42

Saw your update, OP. I agree that a meeting is unnecessary. Sounds like you have enough on your plate without having to make time for meetings with an unclear purpose. "To discuss the school nurse's concerns" is not a good-enough explanation.

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/04/2016 08:42

Your problem may be in part that you seem to be doing all or most of this over the phone or face to face. Always leave a paper trail! Can you do an email where you confirm what you told her, tell her there is no need for a meeting, and if she wants to check anything she can contact the GP, school and the hospital you're dealing with? And copy that email to everyone relevant?

BlueJug · 22/04/2016 08:49

Be polite, be understanding. She has a job to do and obstruction does not help.

As soon as a kid is abused - and so many are - there is an outcry about why it wasn't "picked up", why nobody did anything" how "the signs were missed"

Any obstruction raises concerns as the classic signs of an abused child are that the carers try everything to get HCPs and others to "butt out".
Now you have it covered - good - but what would it really cost you to reassure her again, allow her to tick her boxes and move on?

Work with her. Explain again. Be nice.

HanYOLO · 22/04/2016 08:51

Came back on to say exactly that - paper trail. Suggested upthread put everything that you have said here into a letter and circulate. She must articulate her concerns and they can be addressed by one of the team of 3 (school, GP, consultant) who are responsible for her care. I'd go to meeting however (without DD) and take pleasure in putting her straight. Easier sometimes.