To think it's unfair she's annoyed (wedding- sorry, I know)

[Leslieknope45]

So a good friend of mine is getting married in November. Back story, she came to my wedding and was brilliant and great fun and made a real fuss of me. I am going to her hen do in August.

So she is getting married abroad. My husband isn't invited (they aren't inviting any plus ones).

It's a four day event but I am a teacher so I couldn't get time off so I would have to just go Saturday to Sunday. There aren't any flights to the nearest airport so I would have to hire a car, which I am slightly nervous about. I would land at midday and then have to get to the wedding, then get up early to fly back the next day.

We have to pay to stay in the house they have rented out and the flights are quite expensive. It would be a bit of a stretch for me to afford and would definitely mean that my husband and I wouldn't be able to go on holiday this year.

I have said I'm sorry but I won't be able to come. She is now seriously annoyed at me.

They aren't even actually getting married abroad- they get married when they come back to the UK at a family only event, so I suggested I come to that instead but that was a terrible suggestion! I just don't think it's doable and if I could take a day's leave on the Friday or Monday I would definitely be more likely to go, or even a half day, but a wedding abroad for one night seems ridiculous to me. AIBU or should I put myself out for a good friend like she did for my wedding?

Sorry zack totally missed the late sentence of your post, must go to bed!

YANBU - it IS totally unfair of her to be annoyed.

So she put herself out to help out with your wedding - her choice, no one held a gun to her head; that doesn't give her any right to expect the same from you.
You have a job that doesn't allow for time off in term time.
You can't really afford it.
Your DH isn't invited.
It's in a shit location.

I can't see why you'd even want to go, to be honest - you'd only be doing it because SHE wants you to go.

Good friends understand when they've made excessive demands on one - this lady isn't a good friend, is she. Accept that and stick with your refusal to go.

They are going abroad for a playground "wedding" (is she wearing her mums old nets?),they are expecting you to pod out to the point where you and your H wont be able to afford a holiday for yourselves and YOU are BU?!

Fuck. That.

If you are a teacher you can't take a day's leave to attend either wedding.
And you don't leave husbands off wedding invitations.

So they so wont't have spouses at their fake wedding abroad, and only family are important enough to attend their real wedding. What a couple of horrible self-important pricks they sound. Don't go.

It is not a wedding, that is happening in the UK. They are having a holiday and a party abroad. You cannot go to their party because of your work commitments and the cost. If she can't accept this, then that really is her problem.
I hate weddings, my parents ruined my first one, and were surprised and angry because they weren't invited to the second. They threw this back at me two years later, and we haven't spoken for 14 years ( they are not very nice people generally so actually this is a bit of a bonus!!)
Weddings seem to bring out the worst in everyone. I think we should return to people jumping over brooms and telling everyone afterwards 😉

IT isn't a wedding. It's a pre wedding party.
If she really wants you at her wedding, she should invite you to that. But she hasn't.
I wouldn't go in the circumstances

write apologetically and explain.
people really don't get that teachers can't take a days leave in the middle of term.

So focus on lack of leave and cost, and that you and dh would have to miss out on any holiday this year in order to do it.

If she really doesn't get it, then she is a fool

Don't lie. Ask your head teacher. But put it like this "I don't like to tell fibs and my ridiculous friend wants me to take school days off to travel abroad for a pretend wedding? Can I say I asked and you laughed and said I would be in serious trouble?"

Hahaha This

I would reply back to her that you know that colleagues have requested days off in the same circumstances and been turned down.

Say once again how sorry you are you can't make it ( NB don't mention anything about cost or doing the trip for a short stay) and that you hope she has a wonderful pre wedding get away .

Honestly don't feel guilty about it - it's not even the actual ceremony, if it was then I think she'd have a tiny bit more of an argument, but a 4 day pre wedding party, nah, don't sweat it.

We got married in the UK and deliberately chose a venue with a number of differently costed accommodation options near by. Some people still couldn't make it and I think it may have been due to cost and do you know, I totally understood that as any reasonable person would.